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Just Miserable Just Miserable

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  #1  
Unread 04-12-2004, 10:50 PM
Just Miserable

Today is the 2 year anniversary of "that" surgery, & I am still just miserable -- physically, emotionally, personally.

I was a relatively healthy person prior to surgery -- now: back problems, continual aches & pains that are so bad I can hardly move at times, swelling feet, high blood pressure (proably "white coat sydrome" as I hate going to the doctor, who is my general practitioner & was also my surgeon), & I've gained nearly over 100 pounds since surgery (& I was not tiny to begin with).

I was always a strong person & could muster through about anything before, but now, emotionally, I just cry all the time (which has also played havoc with my sinuses), I'm so depressed, feel so bad, I'm so upset over the fact that I'll never have children of my own, & as for any romance? -- well, who would want me?

Personally, I am falling farther & farther behind at work as I just don't have the stamina to keep up, I'm so disorganized (which is, or was, never me!), I'm just exhausted all the time, I can't think, I can't even read, which was my one big passion in life. I am/was a very religious person, now I can't even pray.

All the things that were my life are, well, just gone! -- & it all dates back to this surgery!

Around the time of the 1 year anniversary date, I had hope that I was turning the corner & would feel better, but now, I'm pretty much out of hope. This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me, & I have just "lost myself". I have tried to explain all this to my doctor, to my family, & to my friends, but no one understands, no one can help.

I feel like I am just miserable & am doomed to remain that way for the rest of my life now -- basically, the life I knew is gone.

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this -- guess I'd like some hope from somewhere, &, with this being the "anniversary" date, I felt like I just needed to acknowledge this & state my misery somewhere, & where better than where someone might understand?

Jeandre
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  #2  
Unread 04-13-2004, 10:07 AM
Just Miserable

(((Jeandre)))

First and foremost, I'd like to send some and s in your direction!

Secondly, I wanted to tell you that I could have very easily written your post! With the exceptions that my 2 year hysterversary isn't until October and I have been so very blessed to have experienced pregancy, child birth and motherhood. The rest of my life is in shambles! Professionally, personally, physically, emotionally.....
Just know that you aren't alone and feel free to PM me if you'd like!
  #3  
Unread 04-13-2004, 10:33 AM
I to woul d like to send :hug:

I have also felt the way you are feelig. I have three children so that I am sad to say I can't understand only to say I was not finished when I had to have my hyster. I have three boyzzz and desperatly wanted a girl. But I know that is nothing compared to your lose. I would like to say that I have trouble just getting out of bed in the morning. I don't want to go out with friends which I used to be such an outgoing person. Team mom, wives group pres, class mom, I was always involved in something. But now I am just happy to stay home not even dress and ever talk to anyone. I don't understand the change and it really bothers my dh. I am on prozac. but i don't think it is working. I want to stay up all night by myself and sleep all day... I get up to get the kids off to school, put in a movie for the four year old and lay on the couch all day. I don't even care about my house work. I used to be such a stickler for my house work.
I feel like I have lost myself. I am trying to overcome it and some days I actually do ok. I have went and got my nails done, and I try to get up shower but other days its like who am I kidding. I won't even answer the phone if I don't want to talk to my girlfriends.
Well, I guess I have felt sorry for myself long enough.
lol
Jeni
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  #4  
Unread 04-13-2004, 12:35 PM
Just Miserable

Jeandre:



I am sorry to hear that you have described these feelings to those close to you and not been offered anything that has helped. Please try and find a doctor who will partner with you to work through your issues.

I am not a doctor, just a fellow stressed out sister. I'll tell you that Zoloft has saved me. Zoloft is an anti-depressant. On Zoloft, I feel like ME again. My gyn has prescribed it for me and is monitoring my care - not using a psychiatrist. A family doc can prescribe this as well. I am not in therapy or anything because with the Zoloft I feel completely normal and balanced. My gyn put it this way ...he said we are not meant to handle this fast paced life that we live and sometimes need help short circuiting our response to the stress. Hey, its working for me.

Antidepressants aren't a cure all and might not even be appropriate for you, but you might consider asking your doctor about them [or not, depending on what you feel is right for you].

Best wishes in whatever you decide to do. Please don't give up. We are here to support you and although sometimes it takes some patience and looking you will find an in the form of a to help you back on the road to recovery!!!

In the meantime.... s
  #5  
Unread 04-13-2004, 04:01 PM
Just Miserable

Dear ((Jeandre))

I am sorry you are struggling so much

I think Michelle has an excellent suggestion. I am not a doctor but what you describe sounds like it could be depression.... depression is a risk after the physical and emotional stress of major surgery.

Have you consulted with you doctor about your symptoms? Perhaps there is an answer for you with medication ... or maybe some hormonal help... who knows but it seems like it is worth a try.

I take a low dose of Elavil at night to help me sleep. I was very wary about taking it but it has helped me alot. It is amazing how intertwined our emotional and physical health seem to be.

As you are worried about seeing your GP, maybe there is another doctor you could talk with ... or maybe a counselor you could contact to start you on the path to feeling more like yourself again.



Sarah
  #6  
Unread 04-14-2004, 08:05 AM
Just Miserable

Hi ((((Jeandre))))

Apparently there are a lot of us. My initial response to your post was "thyroid"! A few years ago my previous dr. had me on muscle relaxants, tranquilizers and anti-depressants and I was a zombie! She finally did a thyroid check (which should have been routine) and discovered I was hypothyroid!!!!! If you haven't already, insist that your Dr. do a TSH and free T4. What can it hurt?

Another thing I have found...don't go to the Dr's office and try to be brave. There are actually studies that indicate that the Dr. will not treat pain and depression aggresively in those patients who "seem" able to smile through the pain.

Above all else, remember that the sisters are here for you. We have broad shoulders to cry on, loving arms to hug you and there are lots of ears to listen.
  #7  
Unread 04-14-2004, 08:25 AM
Just Miserable

I agree with ((((readernana)))) ... don't try to put on a brave face. Just be honest so that you can get the help you need.

Lucky for me, my doctor is psychic and saw through the attempted bravery - he is a rare find. Still, it took me years to follow his advice and try an SSRI. I am so glad I finally listened.
  #8  
Unread 04-14-2004, 12:50 PM
Hugs and Wishes

I haven't been on the board for a long while. I'm almost coming up on 2 years post op and we could be twins with the symptoms. I was quite heavy before surgery so I haven't gained, but I haven't lost either.
I suffered (and still do) from depression and panic disorder. I'd persue the depression avenue, if I were you. Even short term antidepressant therapy can REALLY change a life. Heck, after my hospital ordeal I was also diagnosed with PTSD. Still have nightmares and flashbacks. I should have had my vaginal swab done a year ago and STILL can't make myself go to the doc. I am going to a therapist starting next week.
Anyway, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Hang in there and we are here for you.

Jana
  #9  
Unread 04-14-2004, 05:46 PM
Just Miserable

((((Jeandre))))) I'm so sorry you've been having such a rough time since your surgery I agree that you need to get in touch with your doctor and to address your depression and other symptoms. I can understand how you might be concerned about seeing your GP, but there might be another professional available who would be responsive to your ploy. Relief might involve medication or HRT or therapy or a combination of several options.

Have you found our Aching Hearts message board yet? That would be a could place to find others who are having problems dealing with the emotional repercussions of this surgery. Here's a link to that message board https://www.hystersisters.com/vb2/for....php?forumid=8

Please know that you are not alone and that your Hyster Sisters are here for you

Sending lots of sooting s your way.
  #10  
Unread 04-15-2004, 01:00 PM
Just Miserable

I too read your post and felt like I could have written it. I've taken the SRI's and they don't work for me, I just know there is something out there that will help me though.
Like you I have dropped out of socializing and find it difficult to leave the house. I think part of that is the embaressment of the weight gain. I do work to keep up my spiritual basis, sometimes it is all I feel I have. In the depths of my soul I do feel there is a solution to my situation and yours too. You matter!

eagertolearn
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