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I'm baaaaaack.... I'm baaaaaack....

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Unread 04-17-2004, 12:11 AM
I'm baaaaaack....

Well here I am again.... I never knew your reproductive tract could be so time consuming! I just need to vent. Men are idiots, clods and totally think onlywith their small head.

Today I had a coloscopy ( sp?). My abnormal PAP had glandular cells, guess that is kinda uncommon and a more worrisome abnormal PAP than some others.

I am already a breast cancer survivor, I have fibroids, adenomyosis ( sp?), heavy bleeding, anemia.. you get the general idea. I had a D and C last month due to thickened uterine lining and becuase I have a stenotic cervix it was the only way to finally get a biopsy.

Then my PAP comes back weird, so I go in , have this procedure and they find a red indented spot, white spots and they take several biopsies. OUCH.

I still feel a raw stinging sensation... all this time my hubby has been dead set against the idea of a hysterectomy. Tonight I tell him about the biopsy and that if all is well I still require a Pap every 3 months if all is not well, they want me to consider ( once again) a hysterectomy also taking the cervix... just a suggestion...
so my brilliant spouse says... " well then, that will be the end of that" and I say, " the end of what? the baby factory?
( I am 51 yrs old lol)" and he says,"the end of having sex, once you have a hysterectomy you lose all sex drive"

Here is where the nice people will chime in for me to reassure him..Please do not defend him.

I want to hit him over the head!!!! I am talking cancer and all he can say is Well there goes my sex life !
Yesterday he humiliated me in front of two of his family members reguarding the so called fibromyalgia I let some DR TALK ME INTO THINKING THAT I HAD. He actaully was flicking his wrists in a "whatever!!" manner while he said this. Meanwhile I was stuck in the middle of the booth and it took everything I had to not just start bawling right there from embarrassment of his cavalier attitude.
I am hurt, I am crying in frustration, I am mad, I am bitter that he would act this way, so demeaning amd dissmissive.
I'm sorry for the typos and spelling errors, I am too upset to think straight.
Oh and the topper is... if this turns out to be HPV related, in my mind I am sure it is from his affair 12 years ago and not from before we married over 31 years ago, I don't care what modern medicine has to say about it!!!!

I needed somewhere to go cry, thanks for being here. I am sure I will feel much better tomorrow.
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Unread 04-17-2004, 12:25 AM
I'm baaaaaack....

I am sorry your DH is being a selfish pig right now. You should probably explain it to him in more detail... see my DH has been very supportive but just doesn't understand - so I told him it would be like him having his testicles removed, and the doc telling him that he can still have sex, just no babies. what the heck, he doesn't want babies anyway... but you would feel real sexy, right hon? He understood.
Unread 04-17-2004, 12:26 AM
I'm baaaaaack....

If I were you I would tell him that he need not worry about a hysterectomy ending his sex life because HE just ended his sex life with his horrible attitude and total lack of sensitivity. I would also say exactly what you have said here in your post. You are talking about CANCER and he's talking about sex!!!! Sheeze. I think I woulda crowned him with a shovel for that! I Hope that you are crying in front of him so that he can see how much he has hurt you. He needs to know, and he needs to change, pronto.

Should I add that I know two women who through their husbands OUT during cancer treatment? One woman had been married for 33 years and realized that she didn't want to live another day with an insensitive clod. She told him to hit the bricks, right in the middle of chemo treatment for ovarian cancer. He was rather stunned, and is now being rather nasty about the divorce. He just can't believe she's doing it! She warned him, over and over. He refused to change so she told him to leave. She is not deterred and is feeling great about the whole thing! Cancer kinda makes us focus, and makes us not want to waste time and effort on things and people that aren't contributing to making our lives better. I told my whole family that either they made me feel better, and not worse, or I had no use for them. I meant it too. Once I started looking for a house to rent in June, things changed radically. It's been SOOOO much better.

We have enough going on in our lives without negative crappola being add by insensitive people, be they friends, family, or strangers! So go tell hubby he can get a clue or get somewhere gone! You shouldn't have to cope with all of these medical problems and HIM. Either he's making your life better or he's making it worse.

Hang in there, you'll make it, and you'll end up a better, happier, person too! I promise!
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Unread 04-17-2004, 12:31 AM
I'm baaaaaack....

I forgot something! Hard to believe, I know.

Did a gyn/onc do your biopsy today? They can usually tell if what they are removing is cancer or not. When my gyn/onc found those spots, he removed them but told me I had cervical cancer without waiting for the biopsy. I saw the radiation oncologist the next day and began treatment that same week. I was on the radiation table with the biopsy came back confirming what the doctor had already told me. So if you saw a gyn/onc today, he probably knew what he was seeing with some degree of certainity.

Hugs and comfort,
Unread 04-17-2004, 07:20 AM
I'm baaaaaack....


Go ahead, smack your hub wherever it'll hurt the most, big head or little one. You'll feel better!

I'm sorry for your troubles, gynecological and otherwise; I remember my many biopsies and send big hugs your way. Every time I was faced with a painless colposcopy, I knew painful biopsies would follow, and I dreaded them. I hope the stinging is already gone.

Hang in there. It can only get better.

Unread 04-17-2004, 08:17 AM
Jane and Trudy


"If I were you I would tell him that he need not worry about a hysterectomy ending his sex life because HE just ended his sex life with his horrible attitude and total lack of sensitivity." EXCELLENT!!

Trudy, I hope you use that on him.

Mary D.
Unread 04-17-2004, 08:34 AM
I'm baaaaaack....

I would be the last person to want to defend your hubby. I've had one like him and now he's past tense. You are dealing with so much right now. Cancer is life threatening, nothing to take lightly and he's worried about sex? At this point, would you even want to have sex with him?
And fibro myalgia is very real, I live with it every day. Now I've been going into my surgery with as much a positive attitude as I can muster that I will have more energy than I've had in years, after I heal. But to do that, means having positive, supporting people in my life.
What your hubby is doing is emotional abuse and it is wrong. You don't owe him anything. Right now the only person you need to be focusing on is you. You need to get yourself through this, no matter what you have to do in the process.
Good Luck and don't let him put you down that way, he's not worth it.
Take care,

Unread 04-17-2004, 09:41 AM
you made me laugh

You guys are great, I LOVED the comment about how HE just ruined his sex life, I WISH I would have thought of that right then and there. I am going to think about how I can use that on him after the fact.
Ohh and I know about not wasting time on toxic people, I learned that while dealing with breast cancer. You are right about that! Life is too short.
My spouse really was much better about this stuff when it was breast cancer.. maybe all his compassion was used up. Maybe cuz he can't see it he can't understand it.
The funny thing is yesterday I had a great massage , he had called the place I go to once in a while and set it up for me and had it all paid for , that was so nice of him. Is there some kind of surgery that can cut out the bad parts of his unsensitive idiotic self?? Hmm maybe I should try snorflation!!
He KNOWS I am upset with him, but he just can't figure out why, or so he says .. when the time is right I will let him have it between the eyes... timing is everything. I have been wanting a new car and we plan to get one real soon, maybe this will speed it up even more!!
You all made me feel better, I thank you !!! You know exactly where I am coming from. Last night I had chocolate cake AND strawberry shortcake and I feel MUCH better this morning!

My GYN is not an onocologist, so I will have to wait to get the labs.And this was her side kick that did it, not a nurse but not the DR. It is a great office and the DR is only GYN, no OB, she specializes in women my age.
I will post as soon as I get the results. Thanks Ladies!!!
Unread 04-17-2004, 02:00 PM
I'm baaaaaack....

Hystersisters enjoys being a hyst support site for women making hysterectomy decisions and providing support pre and post- op.

While we attempt to provide help with many aspects of hysterectomy recovery, we can't help you with husbands specifically.

We also have a no-bashing/flaming rule at hystersisters...so with that:

Please keep this thread on topic for support for your hysterectomy and cancer concerns without the husband bashing.
Unread 04-17-2004, 05:24 PM
I'm baaaaaack....

Trudy: I'm so sorry you are having a hard time. I'm lucky that my husband was very understanding (and scared for me).

I know he was worried about sex after surgery and he didn't really talk about it until after the surgery. I don't really know why. But suffice it to say that sex, after a few problems at the start, has been better than a long time.

I suppose one of the reasons my husband was concerned is that HE had problems for quite a long time. He then took Viagra and was now able to perform again. Now the surgery and he was a bit concerned. But he didn't dare say anything because he had problems for so many years. It certainly made a difference in our case.

Perhaps you should ask you husband what he would advise you to do if some night he "couldn't perform"? Should you throw him out because there goes YOUR sex life? Or should you work through everything. Perhaps putting a perspective such as that on your discussions could make him think twice about what he's doing.

My DH and I had a laugh a while back that we owe the drug companies big time for our current sex lives. We both need some help <very big grin>

Now try to calm down while waiting for the results. I know it's hard, but staying as calm as you can is the best for your health right now.


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