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Long time no write.... Long time no write....

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  #21  
Unread 05-01-2004, 02:29 AM
Long time no write....

Dearest Angie, today is the first time I have read some of the posts in this section............I pray for you and yours with the deepest of feelings. You know, it may not have been a deliberate thing by your DH to seemingly doubt the seriousness of your situation..........men do not cope well with the prospect of losing someone they adore, so they hide it underneath a shroud of bravado and seemingly indifference. When the reality hits, it hits big time and suddenly they realise we need them, like never before. There is a poem I rely a lot on - it's called "Footprints" - when I was very ill earlier in the year I thought God has deserted me because I was too much trouble and that my DH thought I was "bunging on" - not so on either count - but then when it all worked out (not 100% yet) I realised that the one set of footprints I saw in my prayers were His - not mine as I had first thought. In the depths of our despair it is almost impossible to see that God is supporting us; and my DH phoned our DD in tears about "what if I lose Mum (meaning me)" - yet he had never indicated that to me. You have so many friends on this board, that the love and prayers will get you through this, and you will find the strength to cope with whatever God has in mind for you. I don't know what that is - only He knows and when he feels the time is right he will give you the sign - be open to that sign. And believe me: miricles do happen!!
Love, hugs, and prayers, for you continued courage,
from your friend in Australia.
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  #22  
Unread 05-03-2004, 08:20 PM
Long time no write....

Dear Adrite,
You have had such an out pouring of love and understanding through these posts. I feel a bit inadequate to add any more, but, alas, I will. You said something that really intriqued me. You said that you were a "writer". The other night as I lay in bed and my husband was headed for the twight line zone. I commented to him that I had always wanted to be a writer. I had this huge aha! experience. I told him that if I would follow that dream that I could make enough money to take care of the needs that we stress over each day with medical costs and daily living. Just before checking out to dream land he said he never knew that I had that dream. Years ago when I was working at an hourly wage job and realizing how stagnant my life was, I had the thought that the Lord would have to make me become an invalid confined to a wheel chair in order to fulfill my true destiny. Which I believed in my heart was to write. In writing we contribute to others lives as we do in this forum. We also leave a huge legacy for our families and especially for our children. I am not confined to a wheel chair yet, but I am afraid that if I don't listen to the still small voice in my head that tells me to do this I will be forced to listen to a stronger and more convincing voice. You are absolutely right, the only thing that matters in this life is our family. When we are gone our words are all that is left for them to hold on to, to have faith in, and certainly to entirely understand who we were. Writing when I do it, gives me a freedom that I can't experience anywhere else. Maybe that is your next step to "propel" you through this life. I am not trained to be a writer, but I realize that I have been given a gift to write as well as a legacy left by my mother. She loved literature, she taught literature and she taught my sister and I to have a great appreciation for it. I vow that one day when the time is right (and I believe it is coming quickly now) I will write. If my writing only helps my children understand who I am and my values and beliefs about life I will have accomplished my dream. Over 150 years ago my great etc. grandfather's children compiled some of the things that he wrote in his personal journal and passed them on to us. They are priceless to me. I see part of him in me. I feel who he is. Maybe he will be the first one that I will recognize in the next life. I need to be propelled too. It is so hard some days, but one sentence is better than none. It's something to think about.
  #23  
Unread 05-04-2004, 05:42 AM
Keeps you sane...

Writing, if that's your thing, does keep you sane. I'm not sure why I started writing, but at 9 I started keeping a journal, and it just stuck. I admit though, I haven't written a word in the last couple of weeks. Life's been hard lately.

Yesterday was HARD to say the least. I hope I don't get the boot here @ work today.

I got up and kind of stumbled around a bit, left for work, had trouble in the drive in - nausea, vision thing, pain. Went to get some tests done (osteoporosis check) - and the docs refused to see me there - I told them I was going blind and having trouble breathing...but oh well! Anyway...I went on to work... When I got to work...I thought..well I'll get started --- no big deal. Then it hit me. Out of the clear blue sky - I started going blind, the SEARING pain was just awful - the worst I've had in a long time. Off to the ladies room I ran trying to hold in the tears. Once I got there I couldn't stop shaking the pain was so bad. I called the docs office she was out of town, they said go to the ER. I called my family told them I was attempting to make it home and be ready when I got there. I cried and prayed the whole way home. Once I got there more crying ensued...and yes as bad as I hate to admit it...I screamed. The pain was that bad! Then I called the ER - they said if I could get to the cardiologists office that would be my best bet - so I did. He said the chest wall was inflamed and causing the pericarditis and pleurisy to be worse - he pressed on my chest and I came unwound. The bleeding -- I didn't even discuss that, I've just kind of gotten used to it happening every so often. (Bleeding from places no normal human should be bleeding). My doc in GA will see me Friday - geez, something has to give.

Then again - maybe by body's trying to prepare me to give it up - lay down a while and do the chemo thing if necessary? Lord, I just don't know anymore.
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  #24  
Unread 12-31-2004, 07:02 PM
Long time no write....

Angie, you came to my mind tonight. This is one of your last posts. How are you? I hope and pray that you are well.
May God be with you, Angie.
  #25  
Unread 12-31-2004, 07:11 PM
Long time no write....

It's strange, but I also was thinking of you today, dear ((((Angie))). I do hope that all is fine for you You'll always be in my toughts and ers.... and I do miss your insightful posts
  #26  
Unread 12-31-2004, 07:42 PM
Long time no write....

Dear (((Angie)))
Your sisters are thinking of you and you are still in our ers. We're sending s too!
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