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I'm so discouraged I'm so discouraged

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Unread 05-17-2004, 03:41 PM
I'm so discouraged

Not really expecting help, but I do need a place where people understand. I am almost 3 months post op from a TAH and I can't seem to snap back into my life. I'm almost positive that I'm expecting too much, but that's the way life is.

I work full-time, have two kids (6 & 11) and a dh who isn't very helpful - thinks he is, but he's not. Under the best of circumstances, it's tough to keep up with the schedule of working all day and coming home to make dinner, help with homework, laundry, activities etc.

I'm exhausted, fully functional, but exhausted. I was cleared for sex at 6 weeks, but haven't done it yet. Combination of too tired, no interest and just generally resenting dh. He's unhappy about the whole thing and instead of helping me to "get in the mood" and maybe lighten the load around the house, has decided to call me names and be mean. (We may never have sex again) He can be a nice guy, he just isn't right now.

I was hoping my hormones were out of wack and causing problems. I had a blood test done and sure enough everything is fine. My thyroid is above the normal level, but not WAY above. I'm 4.65, high normal is 4.

I guess my question is, what have others done to get back to normal??? I think I was just expecting too much. I thought that after surgery I would be a new and improved me. Turns out, I'm still me but without horrible periods.
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Unread 05-17-2004, 04:06 PM
I'm so discouraged

So sorry to hear that you are having a hard time bouncing back. I have no advice or wisdom for you, only warm wishes.

I do keep reading from those that have gone before us that it can easily take up to six months to really start feeling "normal" again.

Hang in there and find ways to pamper yourself and take some of the load off of you. And while your at it, kick that DH in the you know what! Smiles.

Many Hugs!
Unread 05-17-2004, 04:10 PM
I'm so discouraged

I am only 17 days post-op but would like to help you if I can. Do you have any family or friends that you can and ask for help? I had to make a call today and ask for help (twice actually). If your dh saw that you asked someone else for help maybe he would step up the plate a little more often. It really hasn't been that long since your surgery so please just try to relax a bit. If the dusting gets behind so what, it'll be there tomorrow!! You must take care of yourself right now. If you do too much then what good will you be to your 2 kids? Take it one day at a time and rest. If you're really not feeling "yourself" maybe talk to your dr and see if there is something they can give you to help the changes in your body!!
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Unread 05-17-2004, 04:42 PM
I'm so discouraged

I also always expect too much from myself. We are our own worst enemies and critics. This op really gives us a battering both mentally and physically and there is no set time scale to 'get over it'. Listen to your body and don't push yourself. I agree that it would be worth talking to your dr. Did you get your Hb checked post op as anaemia drags you down
Unread 05-17-2004, 05:21 PM
Re: I'm so discouraged

Originally posted by psumary
(We may never have sex again)
I don't blame you! You're working full time, have a 6 & an 11 year old, and you just had major abdominal surgery 3 months ago! DH should be helping you with cooking and household chores! Shame on him if he's not. Your kids can help with laundry (sorting/loading/unloading/folding) So what if they're not folded or hung perfectly?

I'm sorry, and I hope your dh is more helpful for you...
Unread 05-17-2004, 08:26 PM
I'm so discouraged

Have you sat your dh down and had a heart-to-heart talk with him about this? Maybe you need to let him know how overwhelmed you are and tired and tell him that maybe if he "would" not "could" help you more (give him specifics) that maybe that would help you feel better and more receptive to having sex again. Explain to him that it may take awhile and that you he needs to be patient with you. I have been married to my dh for almost 25 years and we have had our "ups and downs" and talking out your problems does help. I used to think he should just know what was wrong or why I was upset about him not helping me more, but turns out, he just needed to be reminded or asked for help. He has realized that the more favors he does for me, the more favors he gets back in return! Good luck and also learn to give yourself some "me only" time, like warm soaks in the tub, etc. You deserve it!
Unread 05-17-2004, 08:46 PM
I'm so discouraged

my thought is that maybe it is too upsetting for your husband to see you not yourself and this is how he is coping with it. it is scary for family to see us this way.

i only still have one kid at home- he just turned 12 . my two older ones are away at boarding school. but my younger son is helping me every single day. we go into the laundry room together and I instruct him as to sorting the clothes etc. he switches the loads, unloads the dryer etc. i fold the clothes and then he puts them back in the baskets that they go in. he is feeding the dogs and cats-- doing the dishwasher etc. i go and direct him for all of this. i am paying him for his extra help.

hugs to you, nancie

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