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Going to visit husband Going to visit husband

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Unread 05-21-2004, 07:14 PM
Going to visit husband

I posted this on the pre op site, but I think it should have been here. Just didn't want tobe all doom and gloom as everyone here is trying to lighten the mood.

Anyway I really need to talk about this. My DH moved out this time last year because he is an alcoholic and things were pretty bad. He went to another town and has managed to get help and is now doing really well.

I went to visit him last Aug for 1 day and I am going to see him again Tuesday.

I really wanted to see him before the op just in case things are different afterwards. I know its silly, but thats how I feel about it.

Now its drawing closer I am getting really nervous and afraid I'll spoil it or that he wont like me. I'm nervous about the op too but this is dominating my thoughts.

I do love him and I really want to see him, I just hope I don't wreck it all with nerves. I think I have gotten used to the fact that he wont be around during my op or recovery which is one of the reasons I want this to be such a good couple of days.

sorry to be so whiny.

Thanks for listening
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Unread 05-21-2004, 07:43 PM
Going to visit husband

Hi Pauline,

I can understand your feelings. I hope everything works out between you and your husband. It must be very difficult to be separated, especially with everyting you are going through right now.

I'll be keeping you both in my prayers.


Unread 05-21-2004, 09:13 PM
Going to visit husband

Pauline----I hope you have a wonderful visit. I can understand about the feelings of dealing with an alcoholic. My mother was an alcoholic, I know it's not quite the same as a spouse, but you love them and want the best. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that things work out the way you want them to. Good luck!!!
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Unread 05-21-2004, 09:54 PM
Going to visit husband


I was in an enabler in a relationship in my not so long ago past. I don't know how much time you have invested in your marriage but I know how painful it is to love someone who is an addict. You love and hate them at the same time, or at least I did. I wish your husband well on his continued recovery and I think I understand you wanting to make this time memorable. He's probably in a really fragile state too right now. Treat each other gently, there is life after addiction. I have a friend who's DH is a recovering alcoholic and it's a different life. I'm still afraid of how much has changed - it's only been 5 weeks. I had my surgery Apr 16, 2004 and I'm still not ready to resume the intimacy, but he is.
So by all means have fun now!

Why do you say he won't be there post op, etc? Is he in a treatment center? Does he want to be there for you? The first few days at home are challenging. Just take it easy and if there is a loved one that wants to be there it will make it easier for you.

Good luck and God Bless.
Unread 05-22-2004, 02:06 AM

I just want to say hello, this is obviously a very difficult time for you. My MIL is an alcoholic. She has only had a couple of blips in the last 5 years.
The last one was a few months ago, and much as we love her, her drinking brought back all the hate, hurt and anger that you think has gone away, to resurface when it happened again. Plus, now she is 71 and at that age, and her being on warfarin is very dangerous, we were so worried.
I can truly understand, when you say you love and hate your husband at the same time!
I assume your husband is on a programme?
Anyway, I hope that your visit goes well, and you get the chance to communicate with your husband. It is very difficult, I know, and I will be thinking of you
Unread 05-22-2004, 07:12 AM
Going to visit husband

Thanks everyone, it really helps to be able to talk about it. My family find it difficult because of everything we have been through but at least they aren't judgemental.

He's not in a treatment centre, but he lives in a dry house in another town. He follows the AA 12 step programme and goes to meetings most days. All his friends are in recovery and he won't come home because he feels it is a bad place and doesn't think he can handle it.

I think if thisrelationship does make it, it will involve me moving to live with him, which would mean leaving friends and family, a whole new chapter that I haven't seriously begun to investigate yet.

I do appreciate all your words of encouragement, it is so eary in some ways to forget the bad times, but realistically they will never properly go away.

Thanks for listening sisters, its a very lonely place sometimes
Unread 05-23-2004, 07:32 AM
Going to visit husband

Pauline, you can chat anytime, I think you need to get your hysterectomy recovery well under your belt before you make any decisions about relocation.
You will hopefully have plenty of time for reflection as you recuperate. taking stock of things is what I found myself doing, trying hard to not let the things that wound me up pre op affect me now. In a way, it was a chance to look at my life, and discover things that I was so busy whizzing my way through life, that I just didnt have the time to even look at!
Good Luck in your forthcoming op, take care, and keep us posted!
Unread 05-24-2004, 04:59 AM
Going to visit husband

well, tomorrows the day so today I am busy waxing my leggs, washing my hair and painting my nails.
I am soo nervous. I'm too old for all this angst.

Perhaps when this is over I can concentrate on being nervous about the surgery
Unread 05-24-2004, 01:11 PM
good luck

Hi Pauline
Good luck with visiting your DH. Hope things work out well.
Have you got any one staying with you when you have your op? because you really need some one to help out, any way you sound like you need a lots of pampering.
I'm sending you lots of s

All the best good luck and God bless.
Take care
love nessy

Unread 05-24-2004, 03:42 PM
Going to visit husband

sitting here blubbing. Really nervous. just like the way everyone has described there night before the castle visit. Worried about the most silly things can't get anything done. won't sleep. Need to get a grip

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