Best Friend not there for me

My best friend of 20 years seems to be emotionally absent during this time when I need her most. I know she has a lot going on with work and everything, but I have not even SEEN her since all this started happening (6 weeks). She has not REALLY asked how I've been, she is terrible at returning phone calls, and I don't know whether to say something or just let it slide. I'm getting a lot of support here, but it just not the same as having my friend's arms around me and having a good cry.

What should I do? My intent is not to make her feel guilty, but I want her to realize how much I need her support. While I know she supports me, I need her to BE there for me.

Esme

Hi Esme,

I am sorry your best friend has not been helping you emotionally. If she is your best friend I think it would be good to bring it out in the open and ask her how she feels about this and you having this surgery. It may be she doesn't know what to say and is having a hard time giving support during this time. She may not want to upset you by talking about it either.

You will never know unless you talk to her. It is better to talk to her than assume you know what she is thinking and feeling.

Good luck. If she is your friend she will at least listen to you, so please try to meet with her to talk .

s

I don't really have any advice, but I had the same happen to me. My best friend in the whole world, who I hoped would "be there" for me, wasn't. Not emotionally and not physically. However her Mom, who she is very close to, was having tests for cancer and she was so concerned about her, and she admitted that she wasn't being a very good friend.
Do you know what helped? Even though I was feeling rather abandoned and hurt, I tried putting myself in her shoes and was there for HER .. I sent her cards and prayed for her and her Mom. That kind of made her wake up a little bit .. and she did apologize for being so emotionally absent.
The icing on the cake? For years I have told her that I'm not a lotion person. I'm not one of these women who slather lotion on themselves after a shower or bath. I use hand lotion, but that's it. I can't tell you how many bottles of body lotion I've either thrown away or given to women's shelters, etc. I tell everyone I know that if you want to buy me something, buy me bath wash .. I go through that quick. And my friend, if anyone, knows that better than anyone else.
So you know what she brought me on her first visit post-op? Yup - BODY LOTION!
I just had to laugh. (After she left, of course). She's still my best friend, always will be, so I'm not going to make her feel bad by telling her "the truth." I have you guys to do that to!
Hope that helps...
Kathy

Dear Esmerelda,

I joined the hyster sisters just a few days ago and I had some wonderful advice from the other sisters for a similar problem to yours. None of my 'closest friends' phoned or visited and most still haven't one month of the operation. Reading this site just makes me sad that we can't reach out more and give those in need a real hug. If I lived near your home town I'd come and give you a hug.

I suggest you read some of the response I received in the 'Aching Hearts' forum. My thread's entitled 'Newbie no friends'.

I do hope some of the comments help you.

Thanks for the advice. I took the time to compose a heartfelt email, telling her how I need her. I told her this is probably the most difficult time of my life, save for losing a dear friend two years ago. I asked her to let me know if she can be there for me, because I'd rather know, than be left in the dark. I know I'll receive a response, I just don't know when.

I'll let you know. And I'll check out your post in Aching Hearts, thanks.

Esme