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The Strong, The Cool, The Calm, The Collected--Breaking the Myth The Strong, The Cool, The Calm, The Collected--Breaking the Myth

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Unread 06-08-2004, 01:18 PM
breaking the myth

Dear Ellen,
You have completely described me lately. I have a CT scan in two weeks, and I am already crying and getting scared about it. I feel that same pressure to be "strong" and not let other people see the real fears that I have. It is great to see that I am not the only one feeling this way. The one thing that keeps me from going crazy during these exams is just planning some special thing later in the day that I can say, if I can just get through this, I can do the special thing later. I am so glad that we have this board to see the real feelings that we all have and that we are not alone.

Twisted Sister
Stage 3C ovarian cancer
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Unread 06-08-2004, 03:06 PM
The Strong, The Cool, The Calm, The Collected--Breaking the Myth


You described me to a tea (and many other cancer survivors I suspect). I had my CA125 drawn yesterday and worked today in a complete fog. I was told to call the Cancer Clinic in the afternoon for the results. Yup--I called at 12:30, officially afternoon. My test doubled again so now I have new worries.

I hope by now your CT is over. But next time ask them if you can have Gastrigaphin mixed in punch. That is what I get for my CT's and find this drink pleasant. And on diarrhea effect after.

You will pull yourself together until the next chemo head occurrance. I think that is the unspoken nature of this disease.

Ellen you give us so much support, you need to let us support you. That is the true magic of this board.


Ruth S
Unread 06-08-2004, 04:50 PM
The Strong, The Cool, The Calm, The Collected--Breaking the Myth


By now, I hope that your CT scan is over. My only way to deal with a CT was to meditate out into the whole universe.

Re: cancerhead - last week, the week before my 3 month checkup, I started to think about it. Then, I just stopped. I was going to enjoy last week, and I went about that.

It turned out that my CA 125 # had doubled during the 3 months. (91.1 now). But, for me, the thing was that, somehow -maybe because I am so tired of dealing with Ovca, that I refused to get 'cancerhead' - thought about it, and then thought that that 'beast' was not going to get me that way.

And I was told this yesterday at my appt. - if a patient feels good, is not showing any signs of reoccurence, even if the # is up, there is a new feeling among gyn/oncs about this.

So, my dear hyster sister, I will probably get a Cat scan sometime this summer, but, in the meanwhile, I, like you, just want to get on with life. You are so valued on this board, Ellen, and we've 'got your back' because you have given us so much.
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Unread 06-08-2004, 05:23 PM
The Strong, The Cool, The Calm, The Collected--Breaking the Myth

Hi Margaret,

Your strength has always helped me since I joined in January. I'm scared as hell, tomorrow is my comparative PET scan (the last one I took in March showed light activity -onc wasn't sure if it was healing). I was supposed to have it last week, but the hospital called to postpone it to tomorrow. I'm also itching and have stomach pains, but I keep reading these posts hoping that I will get half the courage you have. I'm the one who isn't doing the chemo because I'm scared. But I know that on June 15th (my results)if this scan shows more activity I'll have to do it ...then what? How will I cope. My doc says I should be doing chemo no matter what, a PET scan won't show one cancer cell. We are all scared but I feel so alone ...I cry everynight for the person I used to be. My husband thinks I cry because of the night sweats. I never wanted this -WE never wanted this. But your posts keep me hoping, praying,surviving. Some days I waish I wasn't alive. I know I shouldn't say this -I should be glad I'm still alive. But it's so hard. On June 17th I'm hoping to attend my first support group, maybe that will help me out of this mind frame. Your posts help me through each day -your strength shows me there is a light. Keep being strong for me -for us. God bless you.
Unread 06-08-2004, 05:46 PM
The Strong, The Cool, The Calm, The Collected--Breaking the Myth

Hi Ellen, Good luck to you . Oh my god you sound just like me to a tee. I was just crying about my ct scan for thursday . The first one I am haveing with barium and IV contrast. Im worked up over haveing cancer of the fallopian tube . I am sick to my stomach and I have the stress headache and all. I am on the net all the time looking for answers and disecting every word the doctor and the report said. So no I dont have cancer and I hope to god I dont. so I dont know what you are going through on that aspect but I totally understand the rest. I will pray for you and hope every thing turns out ok ....
Unread 06-08-2004, 09:12 PM
The Strong, The Cool, The Calm, The Collected--Breaking the Myth

Dear Ellen, By now the test is all behind you. I pray that you're at peace and glad to be done with it. I hope you hear only good results as soon as possible.

We try hard, don't we? And I guess that's what matters. We keep showing up.

God bless you. Let us know how you're doing.
Unread 06-08-2004, 10:05 PM
The Strong, The Cool, The Calm, The Collected--Breaking the Myth

Dear Ellen,
As I sit here freaking out about my appt. tomorrow, your post has made me feel not so alone. All of my family and friends keep saying "it will be okay" about my check-up, "oh, you will be just fine" "why are you so scared?" I know that it probably will be okay ,and I have had great results so far, and my doctor is awesome, but I still get scared before I go in! I just want to say back "you just do not understand!!!" And , how could they, really? I am praying for you and hope that your scan went well today, and that the yucky stuff was not TOO bad for you!! Praying for clean, normal results! I totally agree with Karenanne, I know you are scared, but doing what needs to be done...letting your faith give you strength , even when it does'nt feel like you are very strong at all!

And, to you Ruth, I am sorry you got the news that your number is rising, I am praying for you, too!!!

Unread 06-09-2004, 02:06 PM
The Strong, The Cool, The Calm, The Collected--Breaking the Myth

s s and more s

I cant really say any more than the rest have said just reverberate them. You as well as many of the others on the board helped me when I needed it. We all have times of panic or near panic at times. It is normal. I never thought that I would be back to normal, well I am not "normal" but as close as I can be considering. Best wishes

God Bless and take care

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