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Losing the D in D/H Losing the D in D/H

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  #1  
Unread 11-21-2000, 07:40 AM
Losing the D in D/H

Sorry ladies, I need to vent too. Been to the docs this am for a cholestrol (excuse spelling) level test, my blood pressure is getting rather high and doctor is concerned, which is nice. My problem well d/h doesn't seem to be bothered one jot. Went to docs last week to be told it was still up, came home d/h didn't even ask how I went on. I know this may seem trivial but it is just the icing on the cake. Following op couldn't drive for 3 months, during that time d/h's dad hasn't once asked if I need help with the shopping nor did he bother visiting me and the kids. Everything was left to my folks, admittedly f-i-l has a dodgy ticker but it doesn't stop him going out when he wants to. My mum has M.S. a dodgy ticker and variety of other illnesses but she and dad took me to hospital looked after me after during the day. What did d/h do well when I could finally drive the first thing I did was take the kids to my folks and not his dads when the kids and I got back he blew his top at me cos f-i-l hadn't seen the kids in 4 weeks. I would point out the visit 4 weeks previous I had walked up to f-i-l with kids and d/h and had to walk back.
Now d/h is moaning that I take friends to the hospital but don't offer to take his dad. Sorry to go on but why is it that now my wound is healed and I'm feeling much better I am expected to do all the housework and cooking etc just because I am at home - plus if work needs doing I shouldn't be off out and about. Why can't d/h accept that now I have no ovaries and therefore no pms I still get down sometimes.
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  #2  
Unread 11-21-2000, 09:52 AM
Losing the D in D/H

Hi Karen,

So sorry to hear of problems with DH...sounds like a breakdown in communication. Please let him know that you two need to have a serious talk at a time when the kids won't be a distraction. Situations like yours can foster bitterness that, gone unchecked, can put down roots in a marriage that are harder to eradicate as time goes on. Tell him that your future happiness depends on your being able to talk these things through.

Try to "meet him in the middle" whenever possible, and always speak in terms of how something makes you feel rather than telling him he is being such-and-such...that way he won't get defensive as much and he may be more open to your point of view. Let him know that though your wound is healed, there is still internal healing and hormonal adjustments, and that you rely on his help and support in the household chores.

I'm praying that things will be better soon!

My very best to you...

Linda
  #3  
Unread 11-21-2000, 10:02 AM
Losing the D in D/H

Sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time of it right now. Sometimes I think our DH's hate to think of our problems because if they do they get really worried. No, that's not an excuse for them but I know how you feel. I went through this quite a bit with my DH. Prior to my hyst he rarely asked about how I felt. Post-hyst he was wonderful but only because he saw how bad it was! Now, I am dealing with knee problems and he avoids that subject so I've learned to go on and just find someone to talk it through with. It's good that you got this out. If you are unsure about how to address DH maybe just SHOW him what you have written.
Good luck to you.
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  #4  
Unread 11-21-2000, 11:13 AM
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I could,nt possibly improve on Linda and Jennies advice.so all I'll say is I hope things improve for you soon.you are cared for.love lass.
  #5  
Unread 11-22-2000, 01:06 PM
Losing the D in D/H

Thanks ladies you have all been a real tonic. Had a little chat with d/h and things do seem to be better. He has been trying to make light of things to stop me dwelling and therefore hasn't asked me how I feel. Feeling absolutely shattered now had our little talk in the wee small hours cos I couldn't sleep again!! unfortunately I keep him awake but at least it gave us chance to chat in peace and quiet. Now all I have to do is to convince work that just because I look okay and can get out and about I am not fit to return to work - now that is mission impossible given that all but one of the managers are male.

Happy Thanksgiving to all the sisters
  #6  
Unread 11-22-2000, 01:20 PM
Losing the D in D/H

I am happy to hear that dh was willing to listen to you. Keep in mind that you will still feel tired from time to time, and that your body needs a full year to recover internally...something that dh should know! You really do need to keep communicating with dh, and explain to him how you feel. If your hormones get crazy and you feel like you are "losing it," then tell him just that. Most men don't understand about the whole hormone issue and a lot of us ladies expect them to understand it all. I know that my dh was shocked by some of the stuff that I told him. He had no idea as to how important hormones and ovaries are to women until I had my surgery!
I hope that things continue to get better....Have a Happy Thanksgiving!!!
  #7  
Unread 11-22-2000, 02:01 PM
Losing the D in D/H

Hi Karen,

I laughed a little to myself when I saw that you and DH had a talk in the middle of the night, in peace and quiet. It really makes a difference not to have distractions, and the middle of the night can be good that way! So glad there is progress!

Please see what you can do to get a Dr. to write a note to your employer about when you will be truly ready to return to work. Your full recovery is so important.

With my very best wishes from "across the pond",

Linda
  #8  
Unread 11-23-2000, 12:47 PM
Losing the D in D/H

Thanks ladies this site is a true blessing
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