DH losing job after 17 yrs w/ZERO compensation...shutting me out emotionally...HELP! | HysterSisters
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DH losing job after 17 yrs w/ZERO compensation...shutting me out emotionally...HELP! DH losing job after 17 yrs w/ZERO compensation...shutting me out emotionally...HELP!

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  #1  
Unread 06-11-2004, 08:33 AM
DH losing job after 17 yrs w/ZERO compensation...shutting me out emotionally...HELP!

My DH had to drive 4 hours round trip yesterday on his day off to Boulder for a meeting... they were told they were meeting their new 'boss'. The meeting was scheduled for 3 hours (4-7) and they were told don't worry, they were ordering pizzas after the meeting for dinner.

WELL............ within 20 minutes after starting the meeting was over. They were lied too and blindsided. 4 of them were told infront of hundreds around the country (via computer, phone conference calls plus all those in the meeting) that they had NO choice but to find another job within the company (yea... right) or move to Boulder to continue employement. I know this happens to SO many every single day in our country, mostly due to "our" jobs going overseas. The company said PROUDLY that my 2007 they will have cut staffing by 50%. GEEZ.............................

DH is SOOOOOOOOOOOO angry, depressed, scared, burdened etc.... within an hour of coming home last night he has already shut me out emotionally. I have no idea what to say or do to try and help him through this VERY stressful time. I want to be there for him, but HOW?????????

Anyone here been through this recent situation recently? I would love to hear from you. I need support too but obviously won't get it from him.

See... the thing is, he is MAJOR bread winner, my school salary of $800 a month on a good month, doesn't cover many bills at all. Mortgage alone is $2260 a month (just refinanced/consolidated). I do mystery shopping jobs and sell all I can on eBay as a pathetic way to "supplement" my income.

He has a HUGE decision now... of agreeing to work in Boulder which not factoring in traffic, snow, construction is easily a 4 hour round trip commute. Working 12+ hour shifts, 4+ hours driving every single day (with MAYBE 6 hours sleep inbetween). It is NOT an option to phyiscially move up there. Noone is going to pay for it and we truly CAN NOT afford to move.

Other option is to wait the 30-90 days till he is let go, and they made it clear, that even after 17 yrs in the company being loyal moving from MD to PA to NY and now to CO to work for them..... he will get ZERO severance package!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And needless to say sadly we all know finding an "IT computer" job is very very hard, at best.

I really don't mean to whine too much here, I know our situation is not unique, but till it happens to your family, income, house, health insurance, security etc........ it is SOOOO DANG scary!!!

ANY words of advice would be SO appreciated. I came here as I feel I can really let myself vent, rant, cry, and be honest with out fear of ridicule.

For anyone who read this all the way through {{{HUGS}}}
for doing so.

Love Kim
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  #2  
Unread 06-11-2004, 08:58 AM
DH losing job after 17 yrs w/ZERO compensation...shutting me out emotionally...HELP!

Hi Kim,
I am so sorry to hear about your DH's job. My DH has been through many lay-offs over the years. All of a sudden their security is gone and they don't know how they are going to take care of their family. We have always been a one income family and that really would put a burden on him. I think you just need to be patient with him right now and encourage him in any way you can. It is so disgusting that big companies can throw away faithful and loyal employees and never lose a nights sleep over it. Right now I am sure your DH is trying to figure out where he is going to go from here and how he is going to take care of his family. It is such a shock to be told that you are going to lose your job and there is nothing you can do about it and nothing you did to cause it. It is not an easy thing to go through, just let him know you love and support him. I will keep the two of you in my thoughts and prayers. Let us know how he is doing. s
  #3  
Unread 06-11-2004, 09:02 AM
DH losing job after 17 yrs w/ZERO compensation...shutting me out emotionally...HELP!

Marden, bless you for your words of kindness. After reading your reply, I jumped up and went to give him a big hug (for no reason), but to try and let him know I am here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sadly today is day #1 of a 10 day vacation from work, so that will be hard on both of us.... basically together 24x7 under these circumstances, not really a good thing right now. UGH........
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  #4  
Unread 06-11-2004, 03:34 PM
DH losing job after 17 yrs w/ZERO compensation...shutting me out emotionally...HELP!

(((Sapphire))) and s to your dh also. I was laid off last year, first time I'd been out of work in over 20 years. I shed many tears and screamed alot for awhile. I went thru a gamut of emotions from being angry, to shutting everyone out to saying it didn't matter. Sadly it was all about dollars and not about my performance. They felt they could get more for less. Well...you do get what you pay for. It is a sad world we live in these days.

  #5  
Unread 06-11-2004, 04:34 PM
DH losing job after 17 yrs w/ZERO compensation...shutting me out emotionally...HELP!

Sapphire, I am so sorry to hear about your husband's job loss. Please don't feel like he is shutting you out quite yet...remember, he just lost his job, this just happened, so he's probably in shock. He might not feel ready to talk much about it.

My husband and I went through a similar situation. He lost his job...luckily, I was working at the time, but my salary did not cover our mortgage at all, just some of the smaller bills. We had to use up all of our savings to pay the mortgage until he found another job. Then, when my dh found a job, I lost mine! It seems to be a vicious cycle at our house.

Try to deal with the emotional aspects right now...don't bring up finances with your husband right away, unless he brings it up. I'm not saying to avoid the subject & the bills, but it will only make him feel worse.

Is there any way you could take on more hours at work temporarily for more money?

Even if your husband's company is not paying out severence pay, he still should receive unemployment insurance, since he is not voluntarily leaving his job. But...why isn't the co. paying out any severence pay??? That really stinks!

Lots of hugs coming your way!!!! Hang in there.

Robin
  #6  
Unread 06-11-2004, 05:01 PM
DH losing job after 17 yrs w/ZERO compensation...shutting me out emotionally...HELP!

wow thats a rough one , I would say give him the space to deal with the shock and let him think of plan B& C .. I have to tell you I do Ebay and it has really saved our butts .. you could list more stuff on Ebay .. best of luck to you !
  #7  
Unread 06-12-2004, 04:58 PM
DH losing job after 17 yrs w/ZERO compensation...shutting me out emotionally...HELP!

First off ladies........... THANKS so much for your replies. It means alot to me, truly!

Ummm... from what I understand, they company won't pay any severances' (is that a word??) due to there IS a job for him, but it is over 200 miles a day round trip, can you even imagine the wear and tear on the car, the high cost of gas, spending 4 hours commuting a day on top of a stressful 12 hour shift. They just KNOW they have you by the short hairs and they just keep pulling and yanking :-( So it is either he takes the job in Boulder in 90 days or he is out of a job in 90 days. So there most likely wouldn't be unemployement checks, due to he would be "quitting" his job. So the choice is either be unemployed by end of summer, or right when snow season starts up again he will have the 200+ mile, 4 hour daily commute. They do NOT reimburse for gas or anything of course. Geez................
  #8  
Unread 06-13-2004, 07:31 AM
DH losing job after 17 yrs w/ZERO compensation...shutting me out emotionally...HELP!

Just a thought...is there anyone in Boulder, CO that you or your husband know? Maybe your husband could take the job in Boulder, stay with friends during the week, and drive home on the weekend.....just until he could find another job closer to home. I know that's probably a far-fetched idea, but it was just an idea I thought of.

Also, about the unemployment insurance. I'm no expert there, but I would think that if the only job the co. has for your husband is 200 miles away and a two hour commute each way, that if he couldn't take it because of the distance, that the unemployment board would be understanding & realize that it was unreasonable for him to take the job. There are circumstances, some circumstances, that if you quit a job for a just reason, you can still collect unemployment. Possibly your husband could could call your state unemployment office, explain his situation (without giving his name or identity) and see what they have to say.

Also, if your husband knows that he has 90 days until he's let go, maybe he could start looking for a new job now, and possibly have something lined up to start in three months.

My thoughts & prayers are with you & yours during this difficult time.

Robin
  #9  
Unread 06-13-2004, 07:41 AM
DH losing job after 17 yrs w/ZERO compensation...shutting me out emotionally...HELP!

Robin, thanks for your thoughts and ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT is a great idea about staying up there during the week type situation. Staying w/friends is not an option as we have only 2-3 friends here in Colorado since moving out here. BUT I was thinking of searching for a reallllllly inexpensive hotel and compare prices for staying a few nights a week vs. the high cost of gas, wear/tear on vehicle, nerves, stress of driving over 200 miles every single day. It might be worth the $$ for a hotel.

Thanks again ladies, I know I keep saying that but I VERY sincerely mean it!!!!!!!

I will also suggest to him Robin, about calling the unemp. office and get the FACTS, as he has all sorts of preconceived ideas in his head. If he won't call, I can do it on the sly and get the facts.
  #10  
Unread 06-13-2004, 08:44 AM
DH losing job after 17 yrs w/ZERO compensation...shutting me out emotionally...HELP!

you can also fill out a Resum'e with your State Employment comission ..here in texas they keep it on file for employers to brouse online ,the first day I did one for my husband he got a Job Offer right away . He still kept his old job though . He fell off the roof and tore some ligaments in his ankle , the doc said he could return to work light duty . Well work said no he could not come back until he was off crutches. We filed for the unemployment but they denied it .. luckily he pays for disability insurance out of his paycheck . we did Ebay ! We did flea markets , we filed for a new roof for the houes with our homeowners , .. used the money to get by then got the roof later, we sold aluminum cans and various metals ..copper ,brass etc.. . Best of luck to you & Hubby !Hang in there!
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