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family just doesn't get it family just doesn't get it

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Unread 06-14-2004, 08:07 AM
family just doesn't get it

I have really been stressed about my surgery this wed. To top it off I thought was going to have to go to the ER yesterday. I have got severe left pelvic pain. I had my left side removed so all thats there is who knows ( bowels and adhesions?) Well anyway the pain is so intense it feels like contractions and then goes away and 3-5 minutes later there they are again. Its been doubling me over I was evening crying. I have no one to talk to about any of this. I don't want to scare my kids, my huband is at work and has a chest cold so he feels bad. My mother has not called in three days ( I guess she is tired of hearing it ) and my sister-in-law , well put this way she thinks I'm crazy for going under the knife. And if its not about her forget it!! So now my dh wants to talk to dr. and see why I must have this operation. I told him I'm in so much pain I can't wait to get relief. I have adhesions and cysts. dr. says my uterus is enlarged. I just got over a bladder infection. I was going to the bathroom every time I turned around. The cipro I took gave me a yeast infection so I had to take diflucan twice. So here I as drinking my morning coffee the pain is starting again and I have pre-op at 11:00 am , and now that my sister-in-law has got my husband thinking and worried I have to stress over dh talking to my dr. my husband can be pretty intimadating some times and really doesn't understand. Well this is long enough just had to vent. There is so much more to tell, but I don't won't it too long ya'll might not read it.

1998 ovarian cyst , adhesions painful periods, laparoscopic
1999 LSO, adhesions, wedge of right ovary removed due to cysts.
6-16-04 TAH/RSO and adhesions very very painful periods
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Unread 06-14-2004, 08:31 AM
family just doesn't get it

No one is a better judge of your health than YOU......if you are convinced this is the best option for you then that's all anyone else needs to know.
None of us comes to this decission lightly, if your doc and you have concluded this is your best course of action then God Bless you and Godspeed!
Good luck to you and I wish you a speedy and total recovery
Unread 06-14-2004, 08:51 AM
family just doesn't get it

You are so right ! I just wished it was all over, I feel like I am spoiling everyones summer. I do to much for my kids, my family and everyone is freaking out on me. I find it a little bit selfish on their part. I kinda expect it from my kids, but because of my operation there will be no gourmet meals for my sister-in-law, no bbq's to attend, to walk in and eat and leave me with the preparation and clean up. I'm feeling sorry for my self now. I just expected alittle understanding from her. But her famous saying is all about me!!! She is my DH baby sister. She isn't that bad, I'm just disappointed in her and my mother!!!!

trying to get a grip!!
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Unread 06-14-2004, 09:00 AM
family just doesn't get it

I told my cousin about my surgery and the date via email. She lives less than 2 miles from me and is not working. We are exactly the same age and have been "friends" our entire lives. She responded with an email "good luck!" and I haven't heard from her since. My operation came and went almost 4 weeks ago.

I think she didn't want to have to do anything for me. My brother says she is selfish.

Maybe it takes an event like this for people to show their true colors. I guess the good part is that you wake up to reality and can spend your time and energy with those who really do care about you. My friends and sister-in-law have been incredibly helpful.

Unread 06-14-2004, 09:00 AM
support here

Hey, you have a great support group here-you write as much as you want-I will read it all!

Sometimes family is very disappointing. One thing I have learned over the years. Do only what you want to and what you are able-either someone will pick up the slack, or they won't and somethings won't get done-and if you are the only ones doing them, then maybe no one else really cares if they get done or not!

Call a good friend and unload on her. I have found that I am pretty independent and act like I don't ever need anyone, so when I unload they are very surprised. But they come through and our friendships are better because of my willingness to ask for support and help.

I know about intimidating people, but guess what-they can't intimidate you if you don't let them. Just smile and say you understand they are frightened that you won't be able to cook and do everything. But that you are sure they will figure it out because you will be recovering. And your body and your surgery is your decision, not theirs. You are doing what you know is best for you. And stick to it-other than beating you they really can't change your decision or hurt you.

Have skin of teflon-let it all slide off. Good luck in your surgery-and you will be surprised how much your kids will come through if you tell them that you need them to be there for you. It will make them stronger and kinder too!
Unread 06-14-2004, 09:02 AM
update your profile

red impatiens, update your profile to add your surgery date, so we can keep up with what is happening. Thanks
Unread 06-14-2004, 10:43 AM
family just doesn't get it

Hi Red
You know it may not be a bad idea for your hubby to "talk" with your doctor. especially if you call ahead to arrange it and give him a heads up on the type of support you are not getting at home.
The doctor just may change his whole outlook and then you can tell your SIL to stick a sock in it.
I had to do this with my ex when my kids needed surgery..the doctor was great and made him into the total ex is narssacistic (documented). Just a thought.
As for your mom..don't know what to tell you there. Maybe you could give her a call and ask her if SHE is ok as you haven't heard from her .
best of luck becoming a princess.
Unread 06-14-2004, 11:33 AM
family just doesn't get it

I also have had pain like you talked about. Mine started almost 12 years ago. I made many many trips to the ER and every time was told something different. Everything from spastic colon, IB, male nurse even said to me one day when DH brought me to the ER that "a cramp is just a cramp" I was in so much pain that I was on the floor in a ball crying. That has been about 3 years ago, from then on I just stayed home an let it run it course. But that is just me. If you feel the need to go in, do it.
I hope all works out for you, and remember you are not alone.

keep us posted.

Unread 06-14-2004, 11:33 AM
talking with the doctor

But first read the thread with the woman whose doctor told her hubbie this surgery would be a "walk in the park". That one still gets my goat!
Unread 06-14-2004, 11:53 AM
family just doesn't get it

That was REDICULIUOS to say the least..that's why I said she should call and set it up. That doctor should Not be in this practice. I'm still on that one myself.

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