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Is it hard for people to understand? Is it hard for people to understand?

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Unread 06-24-2004, 11:50 AM
Is it hard for people to understand?

My dh was awesome when I first got home. Now he seems to think I am fine and that nothing should be wrong with me. He wants to call my dr and talk about it. I think that is a great idea. But why can't he listen to me and believe when I say the not sleeping and not eating is pretty much common after a surgery. He also thinks that I shouldn't need naps. Isn't it weird? You sleeo just a few hours at night but can sleep blissfully during your naps. I don't get that. I thought that it might be the naps and stopped them. That didn't help me sleep at night. Thanx..............
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Unread 06-24-2004, 11:54 AM
Is it hard for people to understand?

If I were you I'd ask my DH to got to the DR. with you to discuss these issues.....maybe hearing it from the DR. may help him understand!
Unread 06-24-2004, 12:02 PM
Is it hard for people to understand?

I wish my entire family would go talk to my gp........!!!!!!

I've had a bad back since surgery, am due an MRI soon, gp has written to work about what I can and can't do yet my family want me to go help them out with boxes cos sister is moving house etc! I'm happy if I carry a small bag of shopping home!!

I don't get it either!!
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Unread 06-24-2004, 12:21 PM
Is it hard for people to understand?

My Dh is doing good, was great at the begining. My in laws are really bad, b/c my mother in law had her castle day one year ago and everyone took care of her hasn't helped me out with one thing. My dh family just keeps saying that I am in my early 30's and should be back on my feet and doing everything for myself. I have two toodlers at home and I get very exhausted by noon, that I start to yell, cry and belly swelled by late afternoon. Sometimes I wished that other people just understood that at any age this castle visit is rough healing. My grandma is here helping and she is the only one that will let me go and lay down when I need too.
Unread 06-24-2004, 12:30 PM
Is it hard for people to understand?

Your surgery and mine were the same day. At first everyone was calling, visiting, and DH was so understanding.
My step daughter promised to do housework until I was well.

Well, last week, my stepdaughter went to Las Vegas to visit her grandmother and is still there - so much for the help there.

My DH says "you sure are doing alot better!!!" and thinks I should be more energetic, and wonders when Im going back to work.

I may LOOK better, but I still have issues that i had the last few weeks. I lack energy, I get weepy, get sweats and nausea. My stomach is still swollen and sore.

One day I feel great and do a couple of errands or whatever, and the next day Im wiped out all day.

My boss thought I would be out two weeks and was dismayed when the doctor sent a fax to him and said Id be out 6-8 weeks.

People dont understand (and sometimes I even forget) that we have had MAJOR surgery. What about people who undergo open heart surgery, or brain surgery. Do people expect them to be all recovered and leading a normal life within two weeks?

NO - but we are kinda expected to be all better. ARRG!
Unread 06-24-2004, 12:41 PM
Is it hard for people to understand?

I've seen it said on these boards before - as soon as you take off the night shirt and get into regular clothes, you're sunk. We don't limp, or have bad skin color with sunken eyes, or walk around hanging on to the walls after a couple of weeks, generally. So, since your clothes cover up the sore spots, there's no visible bruises or anything to remind people that you're not 100%.

I find that sometimes I just have to "think out loud" - Wow, my tummy is kinda sore...oh yeah, I haven't had a chance to sit down in a while! or.. Man! I'm tired! Guess I didn't sleep so well last night afterall - did I keep you awake with all my tossing? And at work I have the big cup from the hospital with the CC measurements on the side. I fill it up with water when I get to work, and I periodically check to see how much I've drank thru the morning. If someone mentions going to lunch, I say "Okay, .. oh.. hang on, I have to finish this water before I go so I get all my CC's in today!" All of that can feel/sound a little manipulative or self-centered - at least it did to me at first. But, I also realize that I am such a non-whiner that people didn't realize just HOW sick I was before the surgery. If I don't remind them that I'm still healing, how are they going to know to give me a break? I'm not trying to milk my recovery - I came back to work 3 weeks ago - but I'm also not going to hoist a 50 lb box around the office just yet!
Unread 06-24-2004, 12:58 PM
Is it hard for people to understand?

I soooo can relate to these comments!! At first, my family was just wonderful about getting everything for me, helping out around the house, etc... the friends were bringing meals every night for 2 full weeks!! and they all were sooo good about hleping me... almost to the point of being smothering... BUT NOW... Im 5 weeks out and they all think that because I am back in regular loose summer clothing and able to get out a bit and run to the grocery store, etc... they think I "MUST BE FINE NOW".... UGH! I find myself doing and saying these same things... "Oh geez, Im tired today"; "my stomach seems kinda sore this afternoon"; "wow, my belly is puffy today".... ya, it's some complaining, but if it were any of them they would still be in bed... HA!HA! whatever, I guess Im just griping but I definitely know how you are feeling!
Yes, I am feeling better each day and wanting to do more .... BUT...AT MY OWN PACE, PLEEEEZ!!
Unread 06-24-2004, 01:04 PM
Is it hard for people to understand?

Today I feel bad - I did some errands yesterday and like usual, the next day I pay big time.

Called my DH at work said I felt bad today - also have some incision problems, may call the doctor, etc. He said that's too bad and was irritated that I called him. sympathy at all!
Unread 06-24-2004, 02:21 PM
Is it hard for people to understand?

Its difficult when there is no visible sign isnt it! The same can be said for bad backs and depression, there is nothing there to tell anyone that there is a problem or injury. I have seen it at work that if someone is back they are 100 per cent better but it is not very often the case.

I am making of point of when I find an interesting point reading it out loud to DH so hopefully he will get the message. I am not being pampered as I dont do pampering but I like to go at my own pace and it dont mean mowing the lawn this weekend!

Unread 06-24-2004, 02:40 PM
Is it hard for people to understand?

Ha ha --- I forward some of the postings here to my DH at work.

No one can understand what we are going through except those that have gone through it.

Thank God for this website!

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