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What's wrong with people? What's wrong with people?

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  #1  
Unread 06-26-2004, 10:18 PM
What's wrong with people?

Hi
It is Linda again. Today I told my girlfriend, who I have known since hi school, that on Thursday my doctor said I might need radiation because althought the uterian cancer was not in the lymph glands it may be in the blood stream. (He had told me before that he thought he got it all in surgery and I would need no further treatment. ) She said that I was going to need to make decisions because now I am at deaths door. (her mother died of lung cancer) Before my surgery I told one of my housemates about the cancer and she asked if the doctor expected me to live and when I said yes she asked how long he expected me to live. I know if I tell her the latest she will ask the same questions again. Why don't people understand how these things affect the person they are talking to?
Linda
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  #2  
Unread 06-26-2004, 10:34 PM
What's wrong with people?

People can be so darn insensitive sometimes, I'am sorry you are having to deal with people who....number one don't know what they are talking about and number 2 have no idea what they say can be hurtful.
I have a very, very good friend, who is a gay male. He has been in a relationship for years and years with the same partner and always practiced safe sex. He was diognosed with cancer 9 months ago and went through chemo and radiation and thanks to everyones prayers and wonderful treatment he is currently cancer free. Everyone kept telling me.....he dosn't have cancer, he's gay he has HIV! Last I knew you did not go to an oncolagist for HIV! I often wonder also as you do whats wrong with people. Sounds to me your Dr. is being thouroh and doing his job......you'll be fine, tell your friend the Dr gave you a prognosis.................you my live to be 100!
  #3  
Unread 06-27-2004, 08:17 AM
Friends and cancer

I am very comfortable talking to friends about my cancer (very early breast). But if I hear anything negative start coming from them -- I yell, "STOP!" and further explain that I don't need to hear anything negative -- it just scares me. I will not listen. I'll walk away or hang up before I hear more if they contiue. And what they have to say probably isn't true anyways. Most cancers no longer put you at death's door either.

Mary D.
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  #4  
Unread 06-27-2004, 09:00 AM
what's wrong with people?

Dear Sisters,
I have been battling ovarian cancer through chemo for the last year, and the insensitivity of some people was so hard to take at first, that I began to avoid some social situations because I could not take anyone saying how terrible it was, or that they had lost someone to the disease or that I didn't look like myself anymore.
I have finally developed a thicker skin, but I still stay away from the negative people.

Hugs,

Twisted Sister , ovarian cancer stage 3C
  #5  
Unread 06-27-2004, 09:12 AM
What's wrong with people?

During my cancer treatment I kept up my usual activity as much as possible, going every where in my bandanna, and 85 pound body,and while some people were insensitive, I found that many more were supportive and very encouraging. I just forgave the insensitive, and spent my time with the ones that made me happy, treated me well. Cancer has actually given me more and deeper friendships. Some of those who were insensitive were just speaking out of fear and ignorance and now are much better. The ones who are still insensitive I avoid just as I do cancer causing toxins in food!
  #6  
Unread 06-27-2004, 10:24 AM
Some People Don't Get It

They either think we are at death's door or else think once treatment is over that's it--now we're cured and should be off and running. Until they have cancer themselves (G-d forbid!) they'll never know what it's like. I know people who are amazed I can still get out and drive and others who think I should be just like my old self (um, after 39 months, two recurrences, the last chemo failing me, I 'm not sure I can or want to be that person).
I just try to educate people and some I've had to let go. But what still pops my cork to this day is the number of people who just assume since I'm a woman with cancer...it's breast cancer. I cannot break past that image of women equaling breasat cancer. Heck--I can't even get my group of physicians, UW Health, to acknowledge (just acknowledge) my first request and packet of backup material and followup that they make it a practice that women presenting with symptoms of gynecologic cancer (my transvaginal ultrasound, CT scan, CA125 wasn't enough?) be referred to one of the gyn/oncs in their practice! I mean, if THEY don't get it...
  #7  
Unread 06-27-2004, 06:35 PM
What's wrong with people?

oh my sister, so sorry to har abut your friennd. yes people that have not eperienced the baattle do not turley understand. My family an so on to be ex husband think that becausse radiation is finilshed so is the canaaer. Sort of like I never had it so I should be my old self agfain . Wrong I may never be that perosn again, pluls now I am s single mother, hopefully I will gain custody of my 2 year old son. My husbandc is trying to uses my cancder and diabetersagainst me to make me an unfit mkother. Some people just have do not think . Gppd ;icl tp upir froemd. amd je os om pir [rauers tpp. je o;s om tje sa,e bpat as we re dea;omg wotj omsemsotove ptjers/
  #8  
Unread 06-28-2004, 12:26 AM
I think too that people just don't know...

I remember when I first found out that I had a tumor, a few days before the diagnosis from the biopsy showed that it was active cancer. I was so upset at just finding out that I had a tumor and what could happen. I told a couple of people. (Big mistake in my case) The first question, 'where'? In my case, it was very personal so with the 2 fe male friends, I told them, vaginal canal. They acted like I had VD! :-0

From what I see, people act a few different ways. They either think, take a pill, or chemo and get over it, or youre at deaths door, or once you are thru with chemo, we are normal. Nothing is ever normal again for us. My husband, told me, he would never live without our sex life. (lol, I guess he thought he would keel over from lack of it) But he has gone on to be a really strong supporter of me, and has since learned alot about cancer.

I think people need to be educated. We really can't blame them. They just dont know, don't understand and maybe don't want to know. The big 'C' is a scary thing and just think, we are just now learning to say 'Breast Cancer' and there is info out there about how to check ourselves for that. (It used to be if we checked ourselves like that, we would be told we were playing with ourselves!) Society!!!! hmmph! Even here in Holland, where prostitution is legal, they don't talk about Gyn cancers and don't even mention the word, 'vaginal', a nasty word when not used in the text of a porn magazine or movie. No, to me, the nasty words are 'lack of education' and the fear due to the lack.

If I would have known that the discharge I had, starting about 6 months before my diagnosis was Not a yeast infection (I never had a yeast infecttion, and with all of those panty pads out there, thought that perhaps I was a late bloomer? Change of age (I"m 43) If only I would have know that when I tried to put a tampon in during my period and it would not go, because there was something in the the way (dumb me, I thought my hymen had fallen or again a change of age thing...) If only I would have known that the bleeding I had was not due to bad fallopians..(I thought it was finally time for that dreaded HS... my mom had fallopian cysts and needs a HS) If only after my last pap, they would not have just slid over the tumor with the 'spreader, open wide thingy' and not noticed it, if only I would have asked for a more thourough exam... If only I knew to ask. I did ask the Dr how would I know if I had problems and they just said, 'wait and see what happens'... months later I had full blown Vaginal Cancer. In my case, I had a ruptured appendix years ago, that had done alot of damage to me, I had never had kids due to severe endometrosis (never needed to be on the pill) and had gone through 2 DNC's at least.

Oh sisters, we have to spread the word. And yes, we do develop a tougher skin with all of this. Our lives are never normal. In many ways they are better or as I say, life is in a whole new perspective to me. The sky is bluer, the flowers more full of fragrance and I have found a power and faith that is stronger than anything!

Ok, enough... I shall get off the band wagon... next in line!

I love you guys!
  #9  
Unread 06-28-2004, 01:15 AM
What's wrong with people?

Other people just have no idea how much their words can harm and hurt us. I have learned that since my hysterectomy, I stay away from the negative people and only communicate with positive upbeat people. s to you!~Moonchime
  #10  
Unread 06-28-2004, 06:09 AM
What's wrong with people?

Linda,

Many people are still ignorant about cancer and are in dire need of education. It's hard to believe that in this day and age some people still associate the word cancer with an automatic death sentence. Take this as an opportunity to educate your friends, coworkers and family about the reality of life after cancer--there are millions of us who are not only alive many, many years after treatment, but who are also thriving, and living much more exciting and fulfilling lives than before our cancer diagnosis!

I too was treated for endometrial (uterine) cancer and had internal and external radiation. My treatment ended in August 1999, and I am doing fabulous. I'm working, doing a lot of volunteer work, going to the gym daily, and roller blading and bike riding in my spare time. I can run circles around many people less than half my age!

Good luck and good health to you.

MoeKay
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