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Finding interpeace with myself Finding interpeace with myself

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Unread 07-02-2004, 06:36 AM
Finding interpeace with myself

Hello ladies

After my doctor's appt Wed. I felt like I had hit the rock bottom. He feels I am severly depressed and wanted me to seek help from mental health. He was so concerned about me and didn't know what to say. I was extremely nervous and miserable. He said he hated seeing me like this.
I went home Wed. and cried and knew this just wasn't the real me. I have always been a strong and very determined minded person. I did a lot of soul searching and praying that night and yesterday. I actually came to peace with myself and it feels WONDERFUL!!!!! I know now that I don't always have to be strong for everybody and have no reason feeling guilty about things. I thought I felt like I wasn't me no more, but realize now that I am probably stronger willed than ever. I faced many obstacles before and after surgery, but have been able to overcome them. I no longer feel sad that part of me has been taken. It did its job, housed my four babies, and is now put to rest. I can't believe I was upset about that! Now I am just grateful that the excessive bleeding is gone forever.
I was even mad about not being totally informed about some things pertaining to the surgery before hand.The hospital let me stay awake 30 hours after surgery with terrible anxiety and said I had no doctors order for a sleeper. They could have called him and this made me mad too. Now I know that whatever happened in the past is over and I accept that and am ready to move on.
I am not saying I am 100% over everything,BUT I sure do feel much, much better about myself . I don't know if it is the zoloft helping, but I do know that with the help of GOd and my determination I can be me again!!!!!!and it feels out of this world.
I AM SO HAPPY!!!! WHat a burden lifted off of my chest.
I will be going back to work within the next week or two. I realized how much I miss my work friends and my clients and I need to get back into the swing of things.
Sorry this was so long, but I just had to share this with you sisters who have been so wonderful to me.
Blessings to you all
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Unread 07-02-2004, 07:17 AM

Hurrah for you Peggy,
I am very glad you are feeling better. I have a sister that suffers from panic attacks and anxiety and won't even consider medication. She thinks that she can do it herself.
These are our bodies reactions to things, and are not in our heads. Counselling helps, and meditation and self searching helps, but cannot do the whole thing always. There are neurological and biological things that go one, and we should be happy we are in a world where those medications are available.

Yes, and going back to work can help once you are feeling good, it can be terrible if you are depressed or anxious.

Let us know how the going back to work goes.

And I agree, you did your railing and anger, what the hospital nurses did was horrible. You are wise to put it behind you and move on. I have seen people still angry after 10 years-it only hurts them.

Yeah for you, Aren't women strong and wonderful with all they go through? I think so.
Unread 07-02-2004, 08:24 AM
Finding interpeace with myself

glad you feel much better now! ((hug))
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Unread 07-02-2004, 08:51 AM
Finding interpeace with myself

I know what you mean peace with yourself.

It sounds silly but I have done some 'soul searching' too and finally feel that a bad chapter in my life has finished due to many many things (sudden death of dad, job worries, pets dying suddenly, termination, depression pain, frustration etc etc) I feel like I can like myself again and can look back on previous events in my life without feeling remorse, guilt and self hate.

Maybe the grief process of losing those organs and healing is concluding the grief process on other things that I have lost over the years as well. I am not an overly religious person but feel deep down that there is some spirit within me helping me heal. Sorry if thats a bit deep.

I dont feel that I should hide who I am anymore and that if people dont like me for things that have happened in the past then that is not my problem I am me!

Woa where did all that come from, it certainly isnt painkillers as I havent taken any today although boy do I feel sick (maybe been sitting surfing too long!)

Big hugs to all of you
thank you for being there.


Unread 07-02-2004, 09:25 AM
Finding interpeace with myself

Something else I forgot to mention. My dr. asked me Wed. if I could talk to a psychiatrist at my work to help me with this depression? Of course with the funk I was in I said"No, I don't want anyone there to know about this". I have now realized that there are probably lots of people at work and all over who are depressed and not just me. I eat lunch several times a week with our unit doctor who is a woman. I can talk to her almost anytime I feel like it. She is not a blabber mouth and is so sweet.
I do have a question for you ladies. I would have been due to start my period last Thursday. It sounds stupid, but I felt like I had pms last week. I was so moody and irritable and emotional and couldn't eat enough. When I saw my dr. last wed. I broke down crying.Do you think it is possible to still get PMS? I kept both ovaries.I used to suffer terribly with it. My family kind of stayed back from me.
Unread 07-02-2004, 09:27 AM
Finding interpeace with myself

Peggy yes you still can get PMS with your ovaries left in. I have a workmate who had a hyst last year and kept ovaries and she gets most of the symptoms. I hope that you can work through it and hope that at the least the PMS subsides a bit for you.

Mine was getting to be suicidal and was desparate so I know how you can feel.

Big hugs to you and if you can talk to someone if you are feeling low it may help.



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