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Why do people say the things they do? Why do people say the things they do?

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Unread 07-10-2004, 02:53 PM
Why do people say the things they do?

Hmmm....yesterday was a great day in some ways, and not-so-great in others.

First, the great part...I had my six-week checkup, and everything is fine! Everything is benign, everything is healing well, I can start taking my life back.

One of the first things I did was go and see my elderly parents, who live in a retirement home. I haven't been driving, and they live on the other edge of the city, (well, not quite, but it's 45 minutes each way) so I haven't gotten out to see them very much. My dad was napping, so I went for tea with Mom.

In the course of the conversation, she said....well, it's good that you got it done, but you know, you'll never really feel like a woman again. It just does something to you.

My reaction was to head straight to La Senza and buy a sexy nightie for the evening. But I just don't get it - this is my mother! Isn't she supposed to want me to feel good that all this is behind me?
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Unread 07-10-2004, 03:08 PM
Why do people say the things they do?

I think that may be her generation talking. They were told that, and they believed it.
The question is : how do YOU feel?

I am lucky enough to be totally OK with my hyster. I was able to thank it for what it gave me, and then allow it to go. I certainly don't miss it. I actually have an amazing feeling of lightness where it used to be, and it feels really good.

Besides, haven't we learned now in this new millenium that it isn't what you do or have that makes you a woman ( or a good person) it is WHO you are.

GIve her some slack because she is your mom, but just tell her that you are the same person you were before -- the only change is that you are now healthier and (hopefully) pain free.
Unread 07-10-2004, 03:32 PM
Why do people say the things they do?

I agree with Secret. I am sure your Mom wants you to feel better! That generation had a lot of different beliefs and would not dare discuss it as freely as we do today so they went on believing the things they were told. She will see that you have not changed! Glad you are feeling better and all your news was good news!
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Unread 07-10-2004, 03:33 PM
Why do people say the things they do?


We both our 1950's babies - so our moms are in their 70's. Mine is 76.

As secretme and usedhug said, it is a different generation.

And when we really need it, family and friends can sometimes be the least supportive. I read that in a new age psychology book.

You just wanted your mom's support and she said that!!

Truthfully, it is probably what one of her little granny friends said once about having a hyst. Way back in the "Hyst Dark Ages".

So....try to let it go. I think what we don't understand, we judge. Sounds like that is what your mom did.
Unread 07-10-2004, 03:41 PM
Why do people say the things they do?

My mother would have said the same thing. It's her generation. Consider that during her "day", you would never have been discussing "private" things like hysterectomy in the first place!

When I found out I had breast cancer, I chose not to tell my mother because I knew that she would have been horrified and I was convinced she would tell me the same thing....I wouldn't really be a woman any more. There was an older woman in my cancer support group who refused a very necessary mastectomy because they would "steal" her womanhood and she'd rather be dead than have her womanhood stolen. There are women who feel the same way about hysterectomy as well, sadly.

Let it go. Back in her day, that's what little old ladies used to tell each other based on ignorance and fear.

Flaunt that sexy nightie because you know that your sexiness comes from the wonderful WOMAN that you are!
Unread 07-10-2004, 03:41 PM
Why do people say the things they do?

I'm sorry to admit this, but I secretly feel that sometimes.

Unread 07-10-2004, 03:43 PM
Why do people say the things they do?

Good for you for getting the nightie!

There's no reason to not feel like a woman! You didn't get any male parts added, your genetic makeup is still XX, you didn't grow an Adam's apple over the last 6 weeks I can betcha!

Don't let this comment get you down. Yes, you hoped for more support, but it didn't happen. That's sad, but it doesn't have to ruin your relationship with your mother. If you can let it go, you will have the opportunity to show her through your actions - living life, enjoying greater energy, etc. - that she was mistaken.

Unread 07-10-2004, 03:50 PM
Why do people say the things they do?

Pauline, that is the problem with us women -- we allow ourselves to be hidden behind the many layers of "womanly" things that we are told that we should be.

Now, think of this........if a person born male can have a brain that tells them that they are actually female ( and vise-versa) then why are those of us born female judged by our parts??

Does having a child make a woman a woman? Or the ability to do so? I have seen lots of women who cannot or do not want to have children -- they are no less of a woman than those of us who have children.

I am a woman -- through and through. I may not be the most feminine frilly woman in the world, and now I an uterus-less -- but I am still a woman. My brain and personality tell me that -- and I believe it!!

I am sorry that you feel less-than in any way shape or form......I am sure you are a wonderful person -- no matter which parts you may have had removed. I wish you could value yourself for all that you are.
Unread 07-10-2004, 04:37 PM
Why do people say the things they do?

Thanks for all of your responses, gang!

The funny thing about all this is that in some ways I feel MORE like a woman than I did in the recent past. I certainly didn't feel very feminine when I was dealing with uncontrolled periods and bladder leaks. I didn't have a pair of panties that wasn't stained - I always had an "odour" - looking back, as I've had lots of time to do over the past six weeks, I can see that in some ways I had given up on being sensual and sexual.

Just a few days after the surgery, when I was still miserable with pain, I could feel my "spark" coming back. It's like my old personality is bubbling back - my iron levels are slowly coming back up, and that has to help!

So now....I will never again have to worry about a menstrual flood in a public place. I have thrown out a bunch of my stained underpants and replaced them with sexy new ones. I don't have that constant odour, so I'm enjoying experimenting with bath gel and perfume again.

I feel sorry for Mom, but you're right. Her generation did think that way. Mom is 85, so she's not going to change now. I know that I am more than the sum of my parts!

Thanks for helping me take a step back!

Unread 07-10-2004, 04:41 PM
Why do people say the things they do?

I'm sorry, I know you are all right, and I completely agree and would give the same advice to anyone else, its justa slightly hidden little feeling that peeps out now and again. Its just that sometimes my feelings don't follow my logic.


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