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  #1  
Unread 07-18-2004, 12:45 AM
New Here

I've been lurking here for a few weeks now but have not posted until now. I am scheduled for a TVH on August 11 due to Cervical Carcinoma In Sutu. I am really having a hard time dealing with this. I've always been healthy (though overweight) and now I feel like I have failed! Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I could have taken care of myself better and this wouldn't have happened! My husband is a firm believer in this and never fails to make me feel responsible. I know he's not intentionally insensitive, but nevertheless, he makes me feel about an inch tall. The fact that we do not have health insurance just adds so much to my my already-going-crazy emotions. Thanks for listening!
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  #2  
Unread 07-18-2004, 05:31 AM
Oh Erika,

This is NOT your fault!!! I felt the same way as you did... I was (and still am) always watching what I eat -always try to stay away from preservatives, refined sugars, etc. I exercise religiously, never drink alcohol, never smoke, etc and yet I still got cancer. But when it was suspected that it could be ovarian cancer in Dec 2003 I went through a denial phase (BIG TIME!). I told myself no way could I have cancer ...ME, the one who was always so careful? the one who always preached to others about healthy living? Well, even the oncologist upon my first consultation told us that he didn't suspect cancer due to my age (41) and healthy lifestyle ...he was as shocked as myself when he performed the surgery on Jan 14th. He had tears in his eyes when he told me that it was ovarian cancer and I needed chemo (that I still haven't done). I was in denial till about April -then it hit me that my body wasn't the same ...I'm tired most of the time, my hormones are mostly gone and I felt like S--- for the longest time. I'm now on Estrace (natural estrogen) and trying to get back to my routine at the gym (it's hard). I didn't blame myself, but was very angry,why did this happen to me when i did everything right! My husband blamed me because I didn't seek medical attention sooner. I had a back pain for the longest time but put it off to being a muscular ache. When I did go seek medical help I was first told I had a bladder infection (took 2 wks of antibiotics), another doctor said it WAS muscular and needed a message! Only when I couldn't have bowel movement without crying in pain did I decide to see my gyno. My husband did confess (after the surgery) that he didn't blame me...he also was so angry and scared. He only wished thoses doctors would have caught the diagnosis earlier. Although I'm lucky I'm stage 2 I could have been luckier! To make my long story short...PLEASE DON'T BLAME YOURSELF -this is hard enough as is...be kind to yourself and tell your husband that this sis something that couldn't be helped, you didn't bring it on... you (and we) all wish we didn't have to go through this but we aren't to blame for it. Take care!
  #3  
Unread 07-18-2004, 06:14 AM
New Here

Please Don't BLAME Yourself!!! We cannot be responsible for getting cancer. Maybe your DH is just having problems sorting out his feelings. He also has alot to deal with. I was also shocked with my diagnosis! I always thought I was the 'healthy one' of me, my sister, and 2 brothers. They've all been having high blood pressure and my younger brother has some heart problems. I've always been pretty healthy! We walk and bike often and stay generally active. I think it's just what we've been dealt and we have to handle it in some way. The Drs. have said they've gotten all of mine with the hyster, but my oncologist advises I have 4-5 radiation treatments. Then, I pray that I'm not constantly worrying that it will reoccur!

Be strong and go about the living! Things will get better and I'll pray for a smooth surgery and a speedy recovery.

Big Hugs to ya,
Deanna
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  #4  
Unread 07-18-2004, 08:19 AM
New Here

;hug: Erika,

I just want to echo what the others have said, Don't blame yourself! My husband always needs to put blame on something. He blames me, the Dr's and finally God, but it was just his way of dealing with something he couldn't control.
I was also very healthy, a hiker, slender, ate fairly well. and had a normal pelvic and pap, three months before being a tennis ball size tumor was found. Cancer just happens and while there are things we can do to reduce the risk we cant' prevent it.
The fact that I was fit helped me recover from the surgeries and get thru chemo, and I believe your good health habits will help you fight the cancer.
  #5  
Unread 07-18-2004, 10:27 AM
Welcome Erika

You are NOT TO BLAME ONE BIT for getting cancer. I wish that myth would somehow get shot down forever. I've heard it too and I could strangle a few people. The emphasis now is on the surgery getting everything out and your having a good recovery. The emphasis is on you. Husbands seem to be quirky sometimes in their thinking about female things (thankfully, I escaped the husband route) and maybe a good talk from your doctor will help him get this thinking cap on straight. Just take it easy after surgery and remember my standard warning about the cow hoof broth and green rubber they give you. Don't try it.
  #6  
Unread 07-18-2004, 11:17 AM
New Here

Erika,

First of all, you do not actually have cancer. You have a precancerous condition. The fact that they caught this before it was cancer (through a pap I assume) shows that you are taking care of yourself.

I hope that you have gotten a second opinion about having to have a hysterectomy. Commonly cervical carcinoma in situ can be cured by a LEEP procedure or a cold knife cone (this is more applicable if your in situ is in squamous instead of glandular cells). I had a LEEP for my CIS and as of right now, my Dr. believes I am cured of the dysplasia. Also, these procedures are much less invasive and less expensive.

In almost all cases, cervical cancer (and cervical carcinoma in situ) is caused by HPV, a sexually transmitted disease that approximately 80% of the sexually active population has. This type of condition is tied to many things such as smoking, multiple sexual partners (although you can get it even if you only have one partner), hormonal birth control and vitamin deficiencies, but it is not tied to being overweight or not exercising. Thus, your husband could have given you HPV and actually be the reason you have this condition. You can always tell your husband that the only way you could have taken better care of yourself is by not having sex with him It is highly unlikely that your cervical carcinoma in situ is tied to you being overweight.

But it doesn't help to place the blame on anyone. You just need to make sure that you take care of yourself in the future. This includes being very diligent about getting your scheduled pap smears. (and if you smoke - stop)
  #7  
Unread 07-18-2004, 12:17 PM
New Here

Yes Erika,

As Chelily says, this may be treatable w/o hysterectomy. In fact, I had a Leep procedure for what I believe to be the same thing.. severe cervical dysplasia level IV ,also deemed Cervical Carcinoma In Situ (Level 0 Cancer).
It was treatable even though it had gotten into the birth canal.
10 years later, and there's been no sign of it's return.. and I've been checked very carefully due to an unrelated hormonally caused problem.
Though it is linked to Hpv, nowadays it is being also questioned as partially due to excess estrogen too.

Pat
  #8  
Unread 07-18-2004, 01:21 PM
New Here

Do not blame yourself, I was diagnosed twice within a 6 month period, endometrial and bladder. I never smoked, eat healthy and I still got it. If they knew exactly what caused cancer very few people would have it.

I am cancer free now they tell me but I worry about can it come back again. One day at a time do what ever you have to to keep that cancer at bay and by all means don't blame yourself and don't tolerate anyone blaming you. Focus your energy now on getting rid of it,

Keep in touch there are many of us here that are dealing with or have dealt with cancer. We are all here to support you.

s
  #9  
Unread 07-18-2004, 08:07 PM
New Here

I know this is hard. Try to think about how you feel about others with cancer. Would you blame anyone else for getting cancer. It is funny how you have more empathy and understanding for others than you do for yourself sometimes.
When I found out they think the source of this is a std HPV. I really did blame myself. I still don't know if I have HPV but I plan on being tested. Even still not everyone that has sex gets cancer.

Take care.
Pamela
  #10  
Unread 07-18-2004, 10:20 PM
New Here

Erika,
If a child gets cancer is it his 'fault'? Of course not! Should a 3 year old have 'taken better care of himself'? Nope. That's not why we get cancer. Nor is it your 'fault' that you have cancer, or pre cancer.

What does your husband get out of blaming his on you? Why, and how, does that make him feel good? How does it help him or you? I must say, I wouldn't live with someone who purposely made me feel small. If he's not doing it purposely then you need to tell him what his words are doing to you. I would be very upset if my words were that hurtful to anyone, particularly someone I love. So perhaps your husband just doesn't realize what he's saying and its effect on you. Or he's scared and saying the wrong things. In any event, you need to let him know how his words have hurt you. He needs to stop this, right now. You are dealing with enough, you shouldn't have to deal with an insensitive, hurtful, spouse.

Have you ever known anyone else who had cancer? Did you feel they had failed in some way? Did you feel it was their 'fault'? Did your husband feel that way about the cancer victim?

Don't worry about the money right now. There are many programs to help cancer patients pay for treatment. There is also medicaid and hospitals will work out payment plans with you. You need to worry about yourself and your healing, not money or your husband's hurtful remarks.

You might want to talk to the hospital social worker about some of your feelings. She might be able to help you to put this in the right perspective.

Hugs and comfort,
Janie
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