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  #11  
Unread 07-18-2004, 11:07 PM
New Here

Thanks to everyone who has replied. It is so nice to get advice from people who are going through, or have been through, something similar (or even the same). I am overwhelmed with gratitude that I found this site and to all who contribute to it!

I have not got a second opinion about having to have a hysterectomy. I had a LEEP and endo-cervical curettage the end of May after my PAP from the beginning of May came back abnormal. I do not have a copy of my pathology report yet but I have seen it. I don't remember everything but I know it's carcinoma in sutu covering cervix, endo-cervix and ecto-cervix and something about endometrial tissue being involved. This after a normal PAP exactly 12 months before! So, when my Dr. said he thought this was what I needed, although mortified, the thought of it staying in me was even worse! I am 35, have had 4 kids, had my tubes tied after the last one.

My dad died of cancer when I was 21, I did not blame him at all! Or anyone else for that matter. I don't agree with my husband at all, he's very judgmental, it's difficult knowing that when he looks at me, he sees someone who's failed at everything. I don't agree with him, in fact, I KNOW it's not true, but he's my husband and it hurts to know how little he thinks of me. I have a hard time opening up to people (wonder why???), it takes me a long time to be myself with people, I need to get over this and not let him have this much power over me, but it's very difficult for me.

I'm not worried about the money at this point. My husband has been thinking about getting insurance for years now but has never done it, I guess he always thought we'd never need it even though he said it's been in the back of his mind for a long time. We have always been comfortable financially and it will make things tighter but it won't devastate us in that regards (I hope). But he did tell me that this was my thing and he'd have a hard time writing out the checks and that I'd have to do it. I have told him that he's cold, he doesn't agree, go figure!

I have rambled on and on, thanks for listening.
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  #12  
Unread 07-19-2004, 10:25 AM
New Here

Hi again Erika,

I had the endocervical curretage w/the Leep also. When I mentioned that things had gotten to my birthcanal, that is the endocervical area. It is true that some pap results come back false negative (showing normal when things aren't), even though there's been much improvement in accuracy w/the ThinPrep pap.
I was 32 when I went thru my situation (10 years ago), so I have to think back a bit to remember things. It is unfortunately true that some people have recurrence after they have had the medical procedure. I hear that the majority don't.
When I got my lab results, they told me that they believed that they "got it all" which from what I've been reading on these boards translates into "clear margins". Did your doctor lead you to believe that he hadn't gotten it all?
I was worried about recurrence and was told that Leep procedures can be repeated.

Pat
  #13  
Unread 07-20-2004, 07:12 AM
New Here

Hi Erika,

I am not getting involved in the treatment discussion, but just wanted to reply to you about the blame thing.

When I was diagnosed (which came as a total suprise) the first thing I said to the doctor was: my husband is going to kill me (because I never go to doctors and he runs to them all the time).

He didn't react that way at all, though I still don't know whether it wasn't in his thoughts.

I also felt so mad that this should happen to me when I was so much more "healthy" then my friends: ate only natural foods, and exercised everyday etc.

I think this is just another "face" of the emotional turmoil that a cancer diagnosis causes.

If I stop and think about it, I might still feel guilty for not going to the doctor sooner (I was bleeding for almost a year!!!)
but I know now that this was what God wanted for me to go through, and it was all part of the larger plan, so then I was able to accept my guilt along with the rest of the "yuchiness" that I went through.

I was very fortunate to find a sympathetic social worker who I still am seeing, and she helped me work out a lot of issues (including long-standing stuff with my husband).

I hope you will also find peace, and that your husband will find a better use for his energy then blaming you.

Esther
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  #14  
Unread 07-20-2004, 08:42 AM
New Here

Thanks for your replies and your support and encouragement.

Hi Pat, thanks for your concern of an unnecessary hysterectomy. I was 30 when I had my first abnormal pap and biopsy. As soon as I got the call from my Dr. (different one, I lived somewhere else), I went into a constant state of panic and depression. It took months before I actually felt that it wasn't a death sentence. I had never known anyone to go through what I was going through and my Dr. was awful! She made me think the worst, she was a family Dr. who referred me to a specialist, who calmed my fears and was very reasonable, he was very helpful in that regard. Anyway, I had a biopsy and it came back severe dysplasia. I don't remember the specifics, at the time, I didn't know there were specifics, so all I knew was "good", "bad" & I just knew mine was somewhere inbetween. The lesions were removed by the biopsy, I had paps every month then every three months, and I've even had another child. (I found out I was pregnant before I got my first normal pap result). I've had paps every year since then and they've all been normal, until the one in May. My appointments were 1 year apart (exactly). I had called the Dr. sooner this year - for some reason I was concerned. When the office called a few weeks later to say I needed to have a LEEP done, I was scared at first, but I researched into things and rationally, I kept thinking that it can't be very bad because from what I read, this so slow moving and I had a normal pap the year before. I thought that worse case scenario, it was a false negative the year before, but it is very slow moving.....so I had the LEEP, wasn't even concerned, I had read that that usually removes everything, so I was shocked (though not surprised if that makes sense - I had had a feeling). My Dr. KNOWS that there's more in there and between how fast it seems to be and I have had this before (Dr. told me then that I had HPV), I don't have any doubts. Lots of questions, but no doubts. I am usually a person who questions the need for anything (medically), but this time I don't. He said he removed a lot and it would be August before I healed from the LEEP and endocervical curretage, but for a moment, he seemed concerned to be waiting that long. I know there's people who can be treated without being this drastic, I truly don't think I'm one of them, but I do appreciate your concern about this. It's good to know there's people looking out for the well-being of others.

Thanks, Esther - I too am usually a person who waits to go to the Dr. I would probably never go. I usually wait so long that whatever I was going to go for has disappeared, and that fact usually reaffirms my decision to wait! I have so many questions for my Dr. and I keep putting that off. It's hard for me, I don't know why. Thank you for your kind words.
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