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When friends don't visit When friends don't visit

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Unread 07-21-2004, 09:00 AM
When friends don't visit

Well, to tell the truth, I felt really bad when my brother in law's girlfriend did not visit.

Why? When you beleive that someone is really close to you, and they ask for your advise and help on almost anything then it makes you wonder.

She did not visit in the hospital(she called though), and did not call not even one day whilst I was at home during the six weeks period.

Anyway, I have forgiven her and written it off to age (she is 30).

On the brighter sid emy mother rand husband were/are always there for me.

At least just having one supportive person helps. And my faith that God would pull me through.

At nine weeks post op I do feel great!
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Unread 07-21-2004, 10:03 AM
When friends don't visit

Hi Ladybee,

It's hard when people who you think are close to you don't call or visit. I've had family like that and one friend in particularly. She was going to clean (basic), do shopping, run errands and stuff as I'd got no-one and she literally lives around the corner from me. (I was comfortably able to walk there a week post op!!) I worked with her, gave her lifts to and from work and other things too. I think she's rung a couple of times, has come to visit me once, but expected me to make all the running. As it is, I bemuse myself with it and don't take offence - in fact it amuses me in a way! She tells work colleagues that she doesn't know how I am as I don't phone her or go round!! Another colleague was fantastically helpful in ways far greater than I ever expected. We have become very good friends through it. The one who lives around the corner even asks her how I am!!

They say "there's nowt stranger than folk" and this op certainly brings the stranger elements out of some folk. I think some people just don't know what to say or do to help - they are just uncomfortable with the "intimacy" of the surgery. That's the only reason I can think of for it sometimes.

I'm glad to hear your healing and feeling well though and you've had some good support too.
Unread 07-21-2004, 10:31 AM
When friends don't visit

Hi, sisters! Musk2u just mentioned the "intimacy of the surgery" as a possible reason why "friends" don't call or visit.

It happens during other surgeries too.
I think it has more to do with the "what if it were me" factor. Like when there is a death in the family, and people don't know what to say --it's not because they don't care about you, but that they are scared to goodness because "what if it were them!" They are putting themselves in your place and they feel uncomfortable, so they just avoid you.

My DH had cancer surgery 6 years ago, and I had friends and neighbors who wouldn't speak to me, or when they did never once asked how DH was doing, and I knew that they knew he was in the middle of chemo treatments. He is doing fine now, cancer was caught in time. But we didn't know for a long time, and just showing some interest helps when you are going through something like that -- or this for that matter!

So keep them in your hearts and prayers, and know that you will be less likely to respond that way to the next gal when she has this lovely experience!

God bless you all as you heal.

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