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1 yr anniversary and my sex life is over 1 yr anniversary and my sex life is over

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Unread 07-21-2004, 03:38 PM
1 yr anniversary and my sex life is over

it's been a long time since I"ve been here. I've gone on with my daily life thinking that eventually things will get back to normal. I was one of those people that "recover remarkablly fast" from my other surgeries but this one....well, I don't think I'm ever going to recover. I think my life as I knew it is over.

Friday will be my 1 yr hyst. anniversary and for some reason I keep thinking that sex is going to get better and stop hurting. it never does. I keep waiting for the intense orgasm but it doesn't happen. it's like it's right there...just out of reach, but it never happens. very frustrating and my husband thinks I've just suddenly turned into this prudish woman who doesn't give him any. truth is, I don't want any. I don't want to be in pain for 2 days afterward and I don't enjoy the discomfort during it either.

I'm sick to my stomach when I look in the mirror and see I've gained weight and can't lose it. I got my new driver's license in the mail the other day and I cried when I saw the picture. my face even looks fat.

I'm lucky to remember my name on any given day and I'm tired of being tired.

sorry to complain, I guess I just needed to vent in a place where women understand. I hate my life now and I hate having the surgery. I could live with the tiredness and forgetfullness and weight gain if only I could FEEL sexual. I don't feel sexual anymore, I feel old and I only turned 32, 12 days ago. yea I'm pouting now. sorry. ;(
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Unread 07-21-2004, 04:57 PM
1 yr anniversary and my sex life is over

I can totally understand your frustration as far as sex goes. I dealt with it for a while and then when I had my yearly exam with my GYn I talked to him about it and told him that it has hurt for 9 years and I want to know what it is like to enjoy sex. He refered me to a Physical Therapist that deals in these kinds of things and also helps people with bladders. I can't tell you what a life saver this has been. I have had sex when I had to before and now I'm driving my husband crazy. Now I know what I've been missing. It may just be that you have to retrain your muscles to enjoy sex. Especially if it has been painfull for a long time. ask your GYN to refer you. I hope this helps, and please know that I am praying for you and you are NOT alone!!!!

God Bless,
Unread 07-21-2004, 05:18 PM
1 yr anniversary and my sex life is over


Pain and orgasm don't mix ... not with me, anyway. I know all about pain with intercourse. Luckily, I am not having that problem anymore. I hope that soon you are not, either.

Please talk frankly and openly with your gyn about what hurts and when. If its positionally related or depth related, tell your gyn. I know it can be embarrassing to have to discuss this ...been there. Please remember that your gyn has, too.

In other words, its his/her job to help you have as normal as possible sex life. And if your gyn makes you feel uncomfortable discussing sex, you need a doc you can relate to.

Lots of healing, hugs! I am so sorry you are having to endure this!
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Unread 07-21-2004, 07:48 PM
1 yr anniversary and my sex life is over

Hi Rochelle!

I'm sorry to hear that you have been enduring such rough times since your hyst. You have already received some wonderful replies from the Sisters, but I would like to chime in:

You are young and in the potentially best years of your life. There is no earthly reason you should have to endure pain with intercourse, fatigue, memory problems and feeling bad about your weight gain. Have you been under the care of a doctor? I don't mean a gyn, but a family physician who can treat the whole "you." To my knowledge, none of the problems you described are untreatable and hopeless.

May I suggest that you "edit your profile" to include your bio, occupation, city of residence, etc. I think you would get more comprehensive replies from the site members.

I hope you see a doctor soon to start to tackle all of the medical issues you told us about. Keep us posted, and let us know how we can help you in your quest to be the best "you" that you can be!

Many s and Best Wishes to you!
Unread 07-22-2004, 06:33 AM
1 yr anniversary and my sex life is over

I am sorry that you are having such pains with what should be an enjoyable act! Let me just say that there is a medical term used to describe your condition: Dyspareunia. It means "painful intercourse". That is what my preoperative diagnosis was for my laparoscopy 1year after my TVH. It turns out that I had extensive adhesions. Now, my sex life is better than ever! (& I've been married 10 years!) There are many possible reasons for this condition, some of which are very easily solved. Please, Please, Please talk to your dr. about this. I, too, am young (35), and I am so thankful that I can look forward to intamacy with my husband again! Please call your dr. It is sooooo worth it!
Unread 07-22-2004, 08:46 AM
1 yr anniversary and my sex life is over

I am sorry to hear that you are in pain and that you are tired. I recognize that surgery takes a toll on the body, but if it was needed to make you feel better than you should be feeling better. I am not an expert but I remember after having my son 14 years ago and after 6 months I told my OBGYN that sex still hurt. The doctor immediately gave me a tube of estrogen to jump start my ovaries and it worked. Not sure if you have your ovaries or not, but if you do maybe that is what you need. If your hormones are off, that could be the reason you are tired too. Have you checked for thyroid?

Just remember, if you think something is wrong, there is. See your doctor when you can and have some blood test run.

Good luck!
Unread 07-22-2004, 09:12 AM
1 yr anniversary and my sex life is over

thank you so much for your support and replies. I did call my doctor after posting here yesterday I was just feeling so down. let me back up a little and clarify since I don't have my profile edited yet.

In 1994 I gave birth to my 3rd child via c-section. it was the only c-section I had of all my births. then in 1997 I started to notice that during my period I had this small knot on my side, just at the corner of my c-section scar, but it couldn't be felt from the outside. It hurt to sneeze or stretch or move suddenly. but only during my period. I went in for a sonogram and they said it was scar tissue from my c-section and couldn't do anything about it. I lived with it but it kept getting worse and larger.

Then came the exteme fatigue. and boy do I mean fatigue. I had to quit my job because I was falling asleep at work. I developed some sort of knot in my throat. it didn't hurt but it made swallowing hard and I started having numerous UTI's. The doctor first thought it was my thyroid so they took blood. but they never did find out what was wrong. a few weeks later the knot in my throat went away and has never returned. I still don't know what that was. but the other symptoms didn't stop.

finally in 2001, I was in extreme pain and the knot in my pelvic region could be seen through my jeans. keep in mind every year during my physical I would mention this knot and be pacified. finally at last the dr. said it was endometriosis and set me up for surgery.

He told me everything would return to normal once that was taken out. no it didn't.

my hormones began to go crazy on me and I was a mess. my sx life began to dwindle because the pain just kept getting worse no matter what position we tried.

finally in march of last year I went for my physical again and they said I had some growths on my cervix and was at a stage 3. she said next stage was cancer and I needed a hysterectomy to stop it. she said it was progressing rather quickly. we had to do the insurance dance and finally in july they did the surgery.

I still have my ovaries, the surgery was done vaginally. Over the years I've complained about my hormones and they keep drawing blood but it keeps coming back that everything is ok even though I know it's not. I've read that during peri-menopause it's hard to pinpoint when the hormones are off because supposedly they go up and down like a roller coaster. so I've been told it's in my head, I've been put on happy pills, I've been told it's stress. I've even been told that the history on my mother's side doesn't matter, but yet all the women on my mother's side all have had similiar problems and hysterectomy's at a young age. my mother was 25 when she had these problems.

I go in for a physical next week and after that I go back to my dr. for a pelvic exam. we've lost our insurance and are in the process of trying to find another plan that's affordable so I'm having my physical at the local clinic and my dr. said she wouldn't charge me for the pelvic exam but I have to have my physical first. so hopefully she'll be able to do something for me.

the only way I can describe what happens during sex is that it's like after the surgery my vagina is too small. (sorry not trying to be crude) I asked them about that and they said that it's not normal to have this after the surgery. but I read through alot of posts here yesterday and I'm beginning to wonder if my dr. actually does know what's normal. I've read alot of you have had similiar and worse problems.
they also said they don't think I need hormones because I don't have vaginal dryness...well then what the heck would they do for me if it is too small? do they go back in and make it bigger? oh lord I'm a mess. LOL but I do feel better today emotionally.

I thank you so much for your support. I'll keep you posted on what my doc says.

p.s. so sorry this is lengthy....oh and rochelle is my middle name but you all can call me Kelli.
Unread 07-22-2004, 06:52 PM
1 yr anniversary and my sex life is over

((((Rochelle)))) I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time

You are so young and it must be so hard going through all of this And I know just how frustrating it can be to have health issues and having the results come back negative Somedays, I get to the point where I think it's all in my head (but I know it's not!!!)

I agree with the others that you need to keep at your doctors and insist on having your pains and symptoms investigated. If need be, do seek the advice of another doctor. You are simply too young to live like this!!!

There are things that can be done to improve your quality of life, you only need to find a doctor who's willing to work with you. For instance, if your vagina has been shortened or tightened by the surgery, there are exercises, therapies and devices that can be used to stretch the vagina. Where pain is concerned, again therapy can often help. If the pain, discomfort and lack of libido are due to hormonal unbalance, well maybe a bit of HRT could help restore things to normal.

I also wanted to suggest that you check out our sister site, The Hormone Jungle as well as the The Hormone Jungle Message Board where you'll find lots of information on surgical menopause.

Sending lots of hugs your way. Please keep us posted.

Oh, and while you're fixing your profile, you might want to change your surgery date: currently, it looks at though you're having your surgery on Friday.
Unread 07-23-2004, 04:29 AM
1 yr anniversary and my sex life is over

Hi Kelli,

I just wanted to say a quick "hello" and just let you know like all the other replys that you are not alone and what you are going through is real and needs to be addressed by an open-minded doctor who will not disregard your painful issues. I, too, am young (30) and am dealing with similar issues esp in the sex department. I am lucky to have a patient husband (he does have his days, of course, of severe fustration)! You know your body better than any doctor. Don't give up and keep complaining until you find a doctor that will listen to you!

Just some thoughts- have you ever tried progesterone cream and /or testostorone cream? It may help in the sex department.

I,too, deal with extreme fatigue and weight gain which is probably due to the chronic pelvic pain I live with on a daily basis. I just started seeing a pain management specialist who is helping me by addressing each issue I have to get back the quality of life I deserve and need.

Anyway, Hang in there and don't give up!

Unread 07-23-2004, 08:57 AM
1 yr anniversary and my sex life is over


Thanks for the detailed info. That really does help us to better see things from your viewpoint. I am sorry it is such tough going for you. Not having insurance on top of everything is a drag to put it mildly.

I am not a physician, so my comments are just based on reading that I have done as a lay person to better educate myself.

We really have a need to trust our doctors and believe they are doing the best thing for us, but that is not always the case. I believe most are doing their best, but sometimes that just won't cut it for specialized (complicated) problems. So sometimes you HAVE to second guess them and get another opinion.

I am going to guess that because you had a precancerous condition with your cervix, that you actually lost more vaginal legnth than a standard TAH. But, as (((Dany))) says, you can often times have physical therapy to stretch your vagina. Also, some vaginal estrogen might make the tissues more elastic. Some combination of these might be in order.

My MIL had cervical cancer and was unable to ever have sex again after her hyst. She tried but it was unbearable. No one ever explained to her about the shortening of her vagina and they would allow her no hormone replacement of any kind. This was in the early 80s and it just makes me so sad for her to have lost that part of her life. She was in her early 50s and that is still TOO young to lose your sex life. So, I really feel for you being even younger!

My suggestion is that you sit down and write out my concerns and all treatment options you are willing to try and discuss all of this with your gyn. If she still blows you off, find another doctor.

While you wait for an answer, you don't have to set aside your sex life. There are other things than intercourse that can be quite enjoyable for your both. Can be fun to find those things out together AND it might even spice things up when you are able to have intercourse again!

Lots of s, dear and speedy healing.

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