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you ladies won't believe what happened!! you ladies won't believe what happened!!

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Unread 08-03-2004, 09:06 AM
you ladies won't believe what happened!!

yesterday I went back to the doc that did my hyster. I took along the same list of questions and complaints that I took the other doc last week. when she walked in the room she looked at me for a second and said,

" you keep coming in and calling in for pain killers. I can't keep giving you pain killers. I have to stop them at some point. have you been on pain killers your whole life?"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I told her,

"I haven't been back in this office since my surgery and I only called once for pain after the surgery because of my back and you gave me motrin. I've only seen you 2 times before the surgery and no I haven't been on painkillers my whole life."

she says to me

"are you on pain killers now?"

I'm stunned, I repeat, "no"

she says "well you have this list about pain but I can do nothing about your pain, you should see your family doctor for pain. I can't give you anymore pain killers. let me examine you."

at this point I"m still stunned and I try to get the conversation back on track by explaining that I've come back to see her because I haven't been the same since surgery and I'd like to have enjoyable sex again.

she says to me, "your husband shouldn't screw you so hard. rough sex. that's all I can think of. tell him not to do it so hard." at this point she had stopped examining me and was actually pounding her fist against the palm of her hand in demonstartion.

I explained that not only has my husband been extremely careful of me but that also it's too tight and has a scraping burning feeling. she said, "no rough sex"

then she starts flipping through my record and says we can't take the ovaries out, I think they are fine. and we certainly can't take the vagina out.

again I'm stunned and I say "no you aren't taking my ovaries out or my vagina. they are staying put"

she says "who did your surgery?"

I said, "you did"

she repeats it as a question, "I did?"

then she says, I can do nothing for you. you should see someone else. you have all this pain and maybe someone else might give you more pain killers. no more rough sex, you don't need to come back and see me."

exit doctor, exit me from her office.

I'm still in shock!! it's the first time I've been accused of wanting painkillers. I"m normally hard pressed to take meds. I dont' know whether to laugh or not! it's just too funny.

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Unread 08-03-2004, 09:24 AM
you ladies won't believe what happened!!

Whoa, Kelly!! Sounds like she needs a vacation! Sounds like she had you confused with another patient and did not know how to recover the conversation. I would definatly see another Doc. fast! You should not sit around in pain. It will take you longer to heal. Call your primary care Doc. and get in fast. I would almost want to transfer to another GYN considering her conversation with you. Have a mentally together Doc. examine you, review your history and get some pain meds. I'm in shock for you! Wow!


Unread 08-03-2004, 01:16 PM
you ladies won't believe what happened!!

I believe it, but I wish I didn't.

Sigh, yes, you need another doctor. Though it does seem she has you mixed up with another patient, it also seems she has no earthly clue how to discuss, diagnose, or treat painful intercourse. And of course, there's that whole being rude and not listening to you thing. I'm so sorry this happened to you! It's up to you whether you want to write a letter to the practice (if there's more than one doc in the office) and/or your insurance company to complain about her behavior or simply move on and decide living well is the best revenge.

Okay, so here's my free advice to tide you over until you see a new physician. This may or may not make sex comfortable enough for you to continue until you can be treated.

I prefer the lube brand, "Wet". I find it stays slippery longer than Astroglide, and does not irritate my extremely sensistive personal parts. Any lube that has safety precautions that more or less say not to get any on the floor or you'll slip and hurt yourself is the lube for me! Going very, very slow and starting with something smaller than he at first and working up to his size (ahem!) helps if you're not already doing that. I found intercourse right after orgasm was a bad idea because I tend to be a bit tighter and more sensitive for ten or fifteen minutes.

Finally, I was surprised to learn that a change of position helped me a lot: my husband seated in a chair (a computer or secretarial-type chair with a narrow back is best) and with me on his lap facing him somehow helped either stretch things out or helped keep me from tensing up. I don't know which. Once we started out on the chair and things kind of opened up we could move to other positions. In my case, having the problems of tightness and dryness was exacerbated over time because I came to expect discomfort and that just naturally makes you more tense.

I am in no way saying this is all in your head and if you just relax all will be well. I think you need a smarter and more sympathetic doctor to resolve this problem in the long run. But if any of these tips helps SOME, well, I found every little bit helps.

Good luck and I'm sorry your doctor was so...words fail me.
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Unread 08-03-2004, 01:25 PM
you ladies won't believe what happened!!


This is too bizarre! I believe you, its the doctor's behavior that I am having trouble processing. I only have two words for this: inappropriate and unprofessional.

A doctor should never use a word like "screw" in the context of a discussion about intercourse. If she thought your spouse was abusing you sexually she should have offered more counseling than tell him to stop.

And to not know she did your surgery is completely unacceptable.

The last time a doctor treated me this badly he was in rehab within months for a cocaine addiction. He recently lost his license to practice in this state. It took over 10 years for this to finally happen. I strongly suspect your doctor is having some sort of personal problem and took it out on you. I know that is of no comfort and I am not saying you should feel sorry for the doc, just saying something is not right with her.

My advice is to see the other doctor going forward instead. I don't know if I'd say much to the other doctor other than you found this doctor's behavior unprofessional and inappropriate and do not wish to go back to the doc that did the hyst (ever) and that you appreciate her support and kindness.

Believe me, the doctors may not admit it to patients but they know better than anyone who the doctors are that are problematic in some way.

I hope the new doc continues to give you excellent care!!!
Unread 08-04-2004, 09:17 AM
you ladies won't believe what happened!!

That is horrible! I would definatley report her. That is the worst behavior for a doc I have ever heard of. Find another doc, there are plenty of great gynos in the U.S. You deserve better than that as a patient. Good luck!
Unread 08-04-2004, 10:04 PM
you ladies won't believe what happened!!


I am so sorry what your doc did and said to you. I've had the same thing happen to me by 3 other doctors. Each after I came back complaining about the same "familiar" pain withing 7 months post surgery. I believe they felt that their surgery should have cured me or given me years of pain free. So, they turn it around and treat you like "dirt"- like it's your fault, not theirs. Like we bruised their ego. They don't realize the damage their words do to us. It's verbal abuse!! Keep your head up. Don't let that doc make you feel like it's your fault or it's in your head! You are not alone and it's NOT in your head!! You are having VALID pain and should be concerned. Don't give up, look for another doctor. I have gone through so many doctors. It was fustrating at times and I cried a lot, but I knew I was worth it and deserved to be listened to and helped. Please try to hang in there and don't let her words get you down. She is a disgrace to her profession and is not worth the time of day!

Unread 08-04-2004, 10:24 PM
you ladies won't believe what happened!!

Kelli, I am so very sorry that you had this doctor treat you so badly. My goodness! What was she thinking? Well, obviously nothing appropriate for a so called "professional."

I think you should definitely see another doctor--and never return to see her again. Good luck to you and S for all you have been through.~Moonchime
Unread 08-05-2004, 06:00 AM
you ladies won't believe what happened!!

I would definitely report her and get a new Dr. What an idiot!!!

Unread 08-05-2004, 08:12 AM
you ladies won't believe what happened!!

OMG! Sounds like the DR has been hitting the pain meds and more!
Unread 08-05-2004, 08:22 AM
you ladies won't believe what happened!!

Girl, at least you had the guts to "come back at her". I would have sat there fuming and speechless. then cried in the car.

what a LOSER of a doctor. GET another dr. who listens to you!!!!!
Maybe a GYn can't treat your pain, but they will help you find a proper referral for pain! my lord what a idiot!!!!

So sorry you had to go through that!!!! All the sister's have given you good advice. so i'll just give you a

Fluffy Lemur

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