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the loss of my parts the loss of my parts

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  #1  
Unread 04-15-2000, 10:51 AM
the loss of my parts

To my sweet hyster sisters
It's been 11 months since my TAH/BSO and I
started going back to my dance classes and
everyone has been so kind to me since my
surgery. I stared crying in class last week
because I felt like I suddenly did not fit
in anymore. I used to be in the front row
and I was at the advanced level. Now I am
in the back row and I am fatter and alot
weaker. I have to wear a big tshirt to cover
my swelly belly and bigger butt. I am really
having a very hard time excepting this new
menapausal figure. I used shop in the juniors
dept. and now it's the misses dept. It's so
hard on my ego. I also used to be a professional belly dancer and have the most
beautiful costumes from Egypt that I don't
fit into and can't so those belly rolls or
hip shimmy's. My sweet loving and very
supportive husband keeps telling me he loves
me no matter how I look. It helps, but I
still grieve that young vivacious me. that's
why it's so hard to be around these old dance
friends. I wish there was a hyster sister
dance class. I need to find out a way to
start a support group in my town. I am not
sad that I can't have children because my
son is 25 and I am beyond that child baring
age. I just miss my parts. Does anyone feel
like this? Help!


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  #2  
Unread 04-15-2000, 06:13 PM
the loss of my parts

Dear Christine, A lot of us seem to be shaped a little differently than we were before our hyst. Some of us gain weight, some of us lose weight after the hysterectomy. I don't know what causes this, maybe it's hormonal. I know I am heavier and rounder than I want to be and I am working hard to lose some of the excess weight I gained after my surgery. I have read posts from other ladies who missed the parts that were removed during their surgery. I, for one, do not miss my uterus or any of the problems it caused while it was still a part of me. I hope you can reach way down deep and find the strength you need to live a full life - to get back to dancing. You enjoyed it before, and you can enjoy it again. You just have to start to feel a little more comfortable with your "new" body. Hang in there, and keep in touch.


Catherine, Rhode Island
TAH/BSO 5/25/99
  #3  
Unread 04-15-2000, 07:19 PM
the loss of my parts

Hello Christineg,

It has only been a little over 2 months since my TVH/RSO w/stamey. But that is not when I lost my youthful shape. I lost that 22 years ago with the pregnancy of my first baby. (She was over 10 lbs.. so I gained a lot over that pregnancy.)

As silly as this will sound.. I have grieved at times the loss of my youthful shape since then. At first it was very hard. It wasn't until after my last child.. (He's now 16 almost 17 yrs. old) that I began to realize I still had energy. I still was able to move the way that I was able to during my youth. Yeah.. I could no longer wear bikini's... but then, somehow I didn't feel the great need to wear them anymore either.

I had matured from the years of experiences. I was able to be more sympathetic with those girls who tried so hard to keep their shapes and then lost the fight. So what did I do?? I made my clothes fit me better. I was still able to wear very nice clothes.. ones that truly made me feel and look seductive.

Maybe you can use this new body to help you help others. Yes.. you will always have your old dance friends. But how many other women out there that would love to learn to belly dance.. but to afraid that some little difference in their shape would prevent them. Can you reach out to them? Can you teach them the lessons of dance that you had been taught? The lessons of feeling good about your shape that gave you the freedom to feel the desire to share your dance talent? What I'm trying to say.. and could be failing terribly is.. Instead of grieving about the old shape, can you use your new shape and help others with it? You stated you wish you could attend a hyster sisters dance group.. How about starting one? I bet there would be excited women willing to learn the beautiful art of belly dancing that feel less vivacious since their hysters!

One's shape is just a way a person see's onself. I can't believe that these added inches or half inches have changed the woman within you. Do you still yearn for life? Obviously you do.. you are back to your dance classes.

I used to cry about my sad shape. And now that my shape has totally fallen apart.. Am I to feel less vivacious? I still have the same thoughts inside of my head.. that is where the true me lies. Not in my (NOW EXTREMELY) out of shape body. I'm as seductive as I desire.. I'm as beautiful as I ever was.. And even though my shape is now different.. I am still the loving and caring sister that I have always been!!!! And you know what... I BET YOU ARE ALSO!!!!!! If not even more so now.. cause you have more knowledge after your hyst than you had prior!!

I bet people don't like you because you used to have the perfect shape. I bet they didn't like you because you were able to wear the most beautiful costumes from Egypt. (Which with a few alterations could possibly still be worn.) I'll bet they liked you cause you were sensitive, loving, sharing, understanding, non-judgemental and truly caring. If that means you can't shop the juniors dept.. then maybe that means the inner you has also grown to a higher level. People shouldn't love you because of your shape on the outside.. they should love you for the inner you. If menopause shapes gives you a bigger inner understanding for others.. Then that means that there is NOW EVEN more reason to love you dear!!!

Hope this didn't come across as a lecture. I just have lost to many girl friends over my years due to anerexia or bulimia. Friends that were much to large inside.. but afraid to let it show on the outside. You're baby is now 25 yrs. old. Don't get mad at your maturing body.. Be proud of it. And bring out the best of it!!!

I know that I will still continue to love each and every one of my hyster sisters... cause I have gotten to know the real sisters. I hardly know any of them by face, shape or whatever else that shows on the outside. That's not what has given me their friendships.. it's their inner beauty that beams brighter and farther that draws me towards them. Hopefully.. you can draw strength from you inner beauty. (I'll even bet that is more of what your dh sees.. and so the couple of extra inches are blind to him.)

Tons of caring hugs!!!


GammaJill
TVH/RSO w/Stamey
Feb. 7, 2000

[This message has been edited by GammaJill (edited 04-15-2000).]

[This message has been edited by GammaJill (edited 04-15-2000).]
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