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Support Or Not To Support That Is The Question Support Or Not To Support That Is The Question

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Unread 08-05-2004, 11:29 AM
Support Or Not To Support That Is The Question

My question is how did your DH respond to you after surgery? I fear that I will not get the support needed to get through this ordeal. Please respond, I have to know what to expect.

Poo Bear
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Unread 08-05-2004, 12:10 PM
Support Or Not To Support That Is The Question

Wow Poo Bear,

I'm feeling that same nervous empty feeling that you are talking about. When I had my Endometrial Ablation last year my DH didnt even take the day off that I had my surgery and acted as if I should had been feeling better 2 days later when it took 4 days to be my ol' self again. Now with this TVH recovery estimated to take 4-6 weeks and no word from him until yesterday that he was barely going to take only the day of my surgery off - he said that he figures that since my mom said that she would be there for me that I wouldnt need him. But I told him that I need him more so than my mom. It's different! He can afford to take at least that 1st week off - but makes excuses that he shouldnt. I dont want to feel like I have to ask -either. I really need him to WANT to be there for me on his know what I mean?? I would be curious as well, as to how other ladies that have already had their hyst.-how their DH's have handled themselves.

Thanks for the great thread.

BIG HUGS 2 U, Krisclynn
Unread 08-05-2004, 12:20 PM
Support Or Not To Support That Is The Question

Hi Ladies,

I got more support from my friends and neighbors than i thought possible. They were wonderful, bringing food, etc. My DH is good, and he was with me all day the day of the surgery, which was emotionally supportive though there was not much he could do. He did NOT take off work due to the nature of his job, and I was a little disappointed, but to be honest, I really didn't need much around the house during the hours he was gone b/c we don't have kids to care for. My mom is staying with me, but I haven't really needed her to do anything. My DH does heat up our food, tidy up things around the house, care for our dogs, and do things for me that I ask him to do. But, for me, the big surprise was that I'm really much more self-sufficient than I thought I would be.

Best luck to you!
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Unread 08-05-2004, 02:07 PM
Support Or Not To Support That Is The Question

Hi ladies,

I go in next friday (the 13th) for my hyter. My husband took the day off and is going to stay at the hospital with me the first 24 hours. My son is staying with friends until the 14th and my mother-in-law is taking my daughter the day before until the 14th (a miracle I must say- she never wants to babysit!). Then my husband will go and get both kids on the 14th.

My husband was wonderful when I was in the hospital with both of my ectopics but thought that I should be able to come home and go back to normal right away. I am suspecting it will be the same here. My doctor tried to get him to understand that it may be 6-10 weeks before I will be back to pretty much normal and it really can take up to 6 months. He's like "oh, Kim heals quickly". I don't really know many people here where I live and so I really am not expecting much in the way of support or help. I thank God for this site because the ladies here will probably be my only real support.
Unread 08-05-2004, 02:14 PM
Support Or Not To Support That Is The Question

Wow ladies-
I feel like the lucky one here so far. My DH actually took off the first 3 weeks starting the day of my surgery. He was with me every day at the hospital, and when I came home, made sure I had all my meds (I called him the medicine man ). We don't have kids, but at the time had a dog (we now have 2!) and he took the dog out for walks, which I used to do and cleaned up around the house and cooked small meals for me. He helped me take care of my cathetar- helping me get to the bathroom and emptying it. My mom and sis were over almost every day too - which was nice for him, because it relieved him of his duties for awhile and he could get out and shop or whatever just to get out of the house and take a break from caring for me.
I did send him back to work as soon as I could- I'm used to being very self-sufficient (aren't we all?) and wanted to do things on my own as soon as I could tolerate them. He called me from work a few times a day to be sure I was doing ok- and came home if I needed him. We really lucked out in that his boss let him be so flexible.
I'm sure there are other ladies with similar husbands. I think that a lot of the guys get scared and really don't know what this whole thing is about. I actually had my DH read some articles about what a hyster was and once he understood what the surgery entailed, I think it convinced him to help me out even more- knowing what would happen during the surgery and how invasive and detailed it really is. And all the recovery we have to do!!
Everyone's DH is so different, I feel very lucky to have mine!

Unread 08-05-2004, 02:19 PM
Support Or Not To Support That Is The Question

I think the best thing is to tell your DH what is happening totally and what you should and shouldnt do whether you want to do it or not. Also tell him the consequences of doing too much too soon. If you dont tell him he might not automatically know.

My problem was I didnt allow my DH to be supportive enough! We like to think that they are mind readers but nine times out of ten they are not! lol

Good luck with your surgery and I hope that your recovery goes well for you.
Unread 08-05-2004, 02:33 PM
Support Or Not To Support That Is The Question

Hi Chantale and Looby,

You know you probably are right about needing to tell him exactly what I need. I am very self sufficient also and my husband and kids are used to me handling everything. I need to try to find some info for them to read so that they can be more aware of what can happen if I don't get to heal correctly. With both of the ectopics I ended up ripping out my stitches and getting infections because of it. (I came home after the first one and made Thanksgiving dinner two days later....) It is so hard for me to ask for help and to really even admit that I need it.

Thanks for the support and response. I really appreciate it.
Unread 08-05-2004, 03:34 PM
Support Or Not To Support That Is The Question

Good Afternoon Ladies,

I have to agree with Chan5, I have not yet had my surgery but having my DH read about the process helped to make the procedure make more since to him. My DH is & always has been very supportive & he has already made plans to be home with me some. I have an older DS & DD so they will also be helping out. I guess I too am very blessed.

I think that sometimes most men not all, because they are not as emotionally connected as women are, don't know how to be supportive, especially when they see there sweetheart in pain or they are use to them handling things. Just be totally open with him, give him things to read about your procedure. Also having him go to your pre-op appointment with you might be a good thing. He can hear what the doctor says first hand & maybe even ask some questions of his own. I hope this helps. God Bless & good luck!!!!
Unread 08-05-2004, 04:31 PM
stress "can do" vs "want to do"

I think I could have done almost anything except heavy lifting or straining even the first day. But why? That's why I am married and not single-so I am not alone when I need comfort and love.

And believe me I am very independent, strong, and active.

I think a marriage is there for us to support and help each other whether we are physically capable or not.

My DH did everything that I didn't want to do, unless he didn't want to do it either then it didn't get done.

He did stay home for several days though, until I suggested he go golfing to take a break. He wanted to make sure I wouldn't fall down or develop a blood clot or something and need him quickly.

Although you might not absolutely NEED your DH home, if you want him there, then just tell him you want him there to baby you a little. You would do that for him, why not getting some back?

It was nice to have someone bring me ice cold water, make me some soup, turn on fans, or the air conditioning. I could have done it all, but it was just nice to have someone there.
Unread 08-05-2004, 05:51 PM
Support Or Not To Support That Is The Question

My dh has been great. He was so positive and supportive right before surgery, when I was a nervous wreck. He put his hand on my heart and held it there as I was getting my IV, which was very calming. He didn't take time off work, since he's self-employed and there's no one else to do his work for him. But our two grown children were around, so I was fine.

He's been cleaning out the cat box every day. When I told him at two weeks post-op that I thought I could start doing it, he said he wasn't going to let me. He's a great cook, and has been making delicious meals. He brought me breakfast in bed the first week, so I wouldn't have to climb the stairs more than once a day (we sleep in the basement.)

On day 6, he took me for a little ride up into the mountains, which was so good for my spirits! He's taken me on a few other little rides since then. Yesterday we went to the car wash, which is kind of a joke with us: we always smooch in the car wash. He told me he'd been waiting for me to be up to it before washing the car, because "It would be too lonely going through the car wash without you."

On the flip side, I've been trying not to be a pest. I didn't say anything as the kitchen floor got stickier and stickier. He finally mopped it yesterday of his own accord, and vacuumed the living room, and there was much rejoicing.

I've also been doing my best to support him in ways I can. We've been having "outercourse" since day 5 post-op, and I do what I can to keep him happy in that regard (mostly fellatio, which is emotionally satisfying for me as well.)

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