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Ever seem like it was all a bad dream.. Ever seem like it was all a bad dream..

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Unread 08-08-2004, 01:36 AM
Ever seem like it was all a bad dream..

then look at your scar?

UUUGGG--some days I get so caught up in so much stuff (life). I'm now to the point, 9 months after diagnosis, that I have gone 2 and 3 days without thinking about cancer. When I "remember" it's like it was some sort of really bad dream and never happened to me. Then, I have to look at my scar to remind me it was real.

Please tell me I'm not the only one!
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Unread 08-08-2004, 06:18 AM
You're not the only one,

Liz I'll be 7 months postop on Aug 14th from my TAH/BSO for ovarian cancer and there isn't one day I don't think about it. As a matter of fact I just had my 42nd birthday on Friday the 6th and I cried at ever card and birthday gift (I've never done that before). I also have this somber attitude toward life now. I feel like I may not have many more birthdays, Xmas, New Years, etc to celebrate and that I should capture every moment and cherish it. My husband says I'm being silly - that I'll outlive him! I guess going through such an ordeal makes you think how short of a time we have on this earth. I'm also "obsessed" with cancer facts and whether every new pain is a recurrence. I hope this cancer never comes back - but I know I will ALWAYS have the thoughts in my mind. I'm continuing on with my life -back to work, exercise, etc. But everyday the fatigue,pain and the scar reminds me that I had/have? cancer.
Unread 08-08-2004, 06:46 AM
Ever seem like it was all a bad dream..

Good morning Maxine and Liz,
I'm sorry you're feeling this way; I had breast cancer 3 1/2 years ago and felt exactly the same way for probably the first year. Time does heal all wounds (emtional wounds especially) as they say and with time you will think of it less and less and every pain will not make you think recurrence. Life definitely does go on.
Now that I'm facing the possibility of dealing with ovarian cancer, some of those feelings are returning but at least I had a great couple of years without the constant worry.
I wish that and many, many more years of no worry for you both and for all of us.
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Unread 08-08-2004, 08:05 AM
Ever seem like it was all a bad dream..

Hi, I was thinking the exact same thing a couple of days ago after getting out of the shower.

In 2003 I went through a colposcopy, cone, DNC, Radical hysterectomy, 3 cat scans, ultrasound, was hospitalized twice after surgery for high fever, had to have 25 external and 1 internal radiation.

Last year I went through so much. It really does seem like a bad dream and am suprised that I handled all the treatment so well emotionally. Reality does hit everytime after I come out of the shower and see the scar. My mom also died of uterine cancer 3 years before my diagnoisis and she was the most important person in my life so that is a constant reminder, wishing that she could have beat this terrible disease.

It does get better as time goes along. I cherish everyday and take the time to spend more time with family and friends because life is so very precious!

Best of luck to you!
Unread 08-08-2004, 09:11 AM
bad dream

I also have the same thing happen to me. I will get caught up in daily life and then something triggers my memory of what I have been battling, and it sometimes does feel like it was someone else that it happened to. I think that some of this is a post-traumatic stress syndrome. Online, there are a number of studies that verify that cancer patients do suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder. Many patients suffer anxiety over their futures, flash back to what happened, and have other symptoms of PTSD. I think that over time, it does get somewhat better, and that being busy with things outside of dealing with cancer can help make the symtoms less.

Twisted Sister, Ovarian Cancer, Stage3C
Unread 08-08-2004, 09:17 AM
Ever seem like it was all a bad dream..

Hi Liz,

Please be patient. I am two years and 4 months post-0p (but who's counting) and yes, at times it does all seem like a bad dream.

I had 2 C-sections so my scar was there most of my life. However, my hysterectomy scar, which is in the exact place, has almost totally disappeared.

What I do see is my badge of courage which I have earned in this fight.

However, as doctor appointments get closer, that bad dream does seem to surface. This is called Cancerhead. Oh well!!

Hang in there.
Unread 08-08-2004, 01:23 PM
Ever seem like it was all a bad dream..

I'm only 8 weeks post op...oops...is that all? Seems Like I've been 8 weeks for a long time! Ok, so I'll be 9 weeks post op on Tuesday. I know it's early...I"ve only known I've had cancer for what....7 weeks? ...and it does not seem like a dream...it's a reality I live every day...For a very long time! It doesn't seem like it's ONLY been 7 weeks...already it FEELS like a lifetime! Every day I realize what's going on with me...cancer...and in fact, I am worried that it (the cancer) is all I ever think about, and I must be boring my friends and family with all the talk about it!

You know...I have a very positive outlook, most of the time. I do have my days where I worry too much or panic a bit...but overall, I know I am going to beat this beast and I think that's why I am able to stay so calm....most times

I hope I can always stay this positive, even in the face of any possible setbacks....and I Hope it carries thru down the line when/if I start to wonder about reoccurance and stuff. I can't quite yet wear my scar as a badge of courage, but I know when I put my bandana on my nearly bald head....I feel...peaceful, sort of like...."yep. Here I am, I'm a fighter, and I'm not afraid to show it" or something. Can't quite explain it. But I'm much more comfortable...emotionally....wearing my bandana as opposed to hiding behind my wig. Maybe my BANDANA is my own personal badge of courage!

God Bless you all,
Unread 08-08-2004, 10:07 PM
Ever seem like it was all a bad dream..

I can relate to that ! I went in for TVH last March for heavy bleeding for over a year due to a fibroid. I was looking forward to no more bleeding. No more having to go to the doctor for Lupron shots to try and stop the bleeding. I was also very anemic and had a low hemoglobin count. Just felt awful. Surgery went well then I got the call. Come into the office. Still didn't dawn on me . Thought the doctor wanted to talk to me about a bladder infection I thought I had. Then he hit me with the cancer head. I went into shock. Then for another four months I thought I had Leiomyosarcoma our ESS.Both with not a good outcome. On top of all that my sister died . One moment she was fine the next she was gone.I didn't know what I was going to do without her. I do have a DH but he is in the Army and deploys allot.She said when I found out that she was going to be here for me. Now I am here for her. I have her two daughters. I finally got my results and I still have a rare cancer called PEComa Sarcoma but the shock of it all isn't as bad as in the beginning. They don't know with this kind of cancer on how it's going to react. So I am taking it one day at a time. Sorry this is so long . I don't normally open up like this! I wish it was just a bad dream then my sis would still be here and I wouldn't have this rare cancer.

Unread 08-09-2004, 12:11 AM
Ever seem like it was all a bad dream..

Hi Liz,
Great to hear from you and wonderful that you are doing so well. Most days I am just like you. I feel great and have few signs or symptoms that I ever had cancer. Being a year out from treatment has made such a big difference in my life. I rarely obsess anymore, cancer head is rare too but I won't say it never happens. When I have my checkups I still get nervous but it's not like it was the first few months.

Overall I am a happier person since I had cancer, although I wish I could have found this happiness some other way!

Unread 08-09-2004, 04:47 PM
Ever seem like it was all a bad dream..

Hi Liz:

I sure hear you and you are not alone. It's quite an adjusment - I'm 10 months post-op and continue to adjust on a daily basis.

Just had my first CT Scan and was elated with the news of no cancer and am trying to keep this feeling but I find cancer thoughts rear their ugly head from time to time nontheless.

For me it's the lack of security I sometimes now feel - the uncertainties but I try to get involved with positive things - art therapy (I'm no artist), journalling - just putting down my thoughts, etc.

I also have a wonderful and supporting family that pick me up when I feel down. And we have this great site that encourages us. We'll continue to be a support for one another.

Sending you a big


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