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I just realized.... I just realized....

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  #1  
Unread 08-08-2004, 03:30 PM
I just realized....

I happened to look at the calender this morning and realized that I would be having a period right now...In a way Im saddened but im also elated to not be having the horrible bleeding and pain...But it also hit me that there will never be another child for the rest of my life....I already have 2 beautiful DD's and believe me when I say that they are my pride and joys...They are my little miracles...I have been remarried to a wonderful man for just a little over a year now...I did want to give him and us a son or daughter of our own...(My 2 DD's come from my first marriage)..Maybe im just over reacting or maybe its hormones...I dont know...Im saddened, elated, depressed, and just plain messed up right now...I dont know whether to laugh or cry...This is and was the hardest thing I have ever done with my life...I guess that it also doesnt help that I lost 2 of the most important people in my life in the last 2 months...I lost my gramma on May 13,04 and my grampa just passed away on July 27, 04...My world has been torn upside down over the last few months...With them passing away and my hyster...Im sitting here crying right now thinking about all this and wondering just why it all has to be this way..

Ok im sorry for being depressive...It seems like everything just hit me all at once today...Losing them and losing a very important part of myself...Sometimes I wonder just why life and the world are so crazy...



Pookie
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  #2  
Unread 08-08-2004, 03:48 PM
I just realized....

Pookie,

You sure are dealing with so much. I am just feeling your pain for you. I am so glad you posted so that we can give you support. All the feelings you are having are completely normal and you are such a brave woman for even being able to function. With each passing day though it will get better, just put your trust in your faith that things will pass and good times will soon come.

I am sorry to hear about your grandparents. I am sure they are now angels looking down on you protecting you and giving you strength.

Please come here and we will lift you up.

s
Shelly
  #3  
Unread 08-08-2004, 07:41 PM
I just realized....

Thank you!!
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  #4  
Unread 08-08-2004, 08:19 PM
I just realized....

Hi Pookie, I am very sorry about the loss of your grandparents.
I pray that you will cheer up and feel better.Sometimes when I feel sad, I tell myself to count my BLESSINGS not my troubles. But I know it is hard sometimes. Take Care, Sincerely, Sunshine 48
  #5  
Unread 08-08-2004, 09:12 PM
I just realized....

Sunshine...Your so very right...I do have lots of blessings...I have 2 wonderful DD's...A wonderful DH..(Now that i got him shaped up).....I still have my mom and dad...And all my friends and family who love me...I guess I shouldnt be depressed about it all...Since I have so much to be thankful for...But I miss them so **** much all the time...And to have went thru this without my gramma hurts all the more...She was the one who I would call when life sucked...When I needed advice or just someone to talk to...And now when I need her the most she is gone!!!...Maybe Im angry...Cause she is gone...Even tho I know that is silly...And totally selfish...Im ashamed to admit it...I am so embarassed to admit that...Im so angry that she is gone..That she left me to deal with this all alone!!..I hurt so bad!!...I have this giangantic hole in my heart cause a big piece of my life is so empty...Aint I a horrible person to say all this...But I have to let it out somewhere...Sorry ya'll...Im sorry to just let this all out on you sisters...Its like I said I just realized that there is a lot missing in my life and the grief has just overwhelmed me...I can barely type this now...Please help...


Pookie
  #6  
Unread 08-09-2004, 05:24 PM
I just realized....

Sister,
Listen, I am right there with you. My surgery date was the same day as yours. I have been so weepy the past week it is really pathetic. I am 35 and was blessed 3 times although I have had problems since I was a teen. My youngest DS is 12. My DD took the best care of me when I needed some one right after surgery. I am very loved.....but....
When I think of the fact of not having even the miracle baby I always dreamed might come along. I am also remarried to a man who never "had" children and we had hoped for about ten years. I have a new niece and my sister in law is very insensitive about this issue.
I lost a grandmother a few years back that I was very attached to, I am so glad that I am not going through those emotions now on top of this surgery thing.
I have spent all day in tears because I had dragged my butt out of bed at a week post op to go on a job interview and I received my rejection letter today. Surprise!! I wasn't in tip top shape by far.
I wish I could hug you cause I could use one too.
Hang in there!!!
  #7  
Unread 08-09-2004, 06:51 PM
I just realized....

I am sooooo sorry to hear about all that you are dealing with. Believe me I know what you are going through. I Lost my favorite uncle a couple of years ago, and three months after that my dad, who I was very close to died. I live near my parents so I saw them every day, so the loss is still great. Also, the day I came home from the hospital after my surgery, my Aunt died. Before I could even recover my mom ended up in the hospital and we found out she had 4 blocked arteries and needed a quadruple by-pass. That was a very difficult time because the Dr's weren't even sure if she would make it through the surgery(Thank God she did). She also ended up in the same hospital my father was in and had the same doctor and nurses so it brought back alot of memories. I still get emotional sometimes. Also a friend of mine's mom just died so I know all of this is hard on you, what helps me is my DH is a wonderful man who has been very supportive and also I pray alot and realize that God does not give us more than we can bear he always is there for us. Hope you are doing better soon but just hang in there you will feel better.
  #8  
Unread 08-09-2004, 07:24 PM
I just realized....

to: Pookie11978....
My thoughts and prayers are out to you. :HUGS:
Sunshine 48
  #9  
Unread 08-09-2004, 08:02 PM
I just realized....

Thank you all so much for your support...All that has happened in the last 2 months has just really sank in...I can hardly stand it...I dont know if its just my emotions or hormones or just cause I havnt really grieved till now...I havnt shown much emotion to my family cause Im trying to be the strong one for everyone...Cause if my mom seen me fall apart she would too...and I cant have her fall apart...I want to thank you all for being here when I needed everyone the most...I cant really express myself to my family cause like I said I have to be the rock now that my grandparents are gone....Losing them and then losing a very important part of myself that I feel is what makes me a whole woman...(yes i know that is silly to think)...I have had the thought that I am nothing but a box now!!...A shell if you want to call it...Silly I know...I just feel so empty inside...Im wondering if my hormones are outta wack?...

Well ladies...Again I want to thank you all for being here for me and helping me thru this period of mourning...grief and sadness...I know that over time the pain will lessen and the good memories will forever be etched in my mind...But right now all I have is pain....
  #10  
Unread 08-12-2004, 11:51 PM
I just realized....

Pookie,
So sorry to hear of your losses! Of course you are angry - that is so normal. Do you realize how much the tone of your post changed when you could finally say you were ANGRY? It seems like that's when the realy you could admit your true feelings, which is a step in the right direction toward a healthy way to deal with grief. You are grieving now, and you need to slog through all those mucky uncomfortable feelings to get through it properly, and you WILL come out on the other side.

's to you, it is so hard to deal with big losses, especially post surgery! Take care of yourself, let yourself rest and heal, your Gramma would want you to!
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