Terrified, 5 weeks today & off to the dr for a checkup SO WHY AM I TERRIFIED? | HysterSisters
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Terrified, 5 weeks today & off to the dr for a checkup SO WHY AM I TERRIFIED? Terrified, 5 weeks today & off to the dr for a checkup SO WHY AM I TERRIFIED?

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  #1  
Unread 08-11-2004, 09:12 AM
Terrified, 5 weeks today & off to the dr for a checkup SO WHY AM I TERRIFIED?

Hi there

It is 5 weeks today that I had my surgeries, yes two of them, I received the pathology reorts that say it is clear and the cancer is gone, so why am I so petrified and scared, I am typing here crying.

It this how it is for the next 5 years, I have to see my GYN/ONC every 3 months for 3 years for a pap and pelvic exam then every 6 months for the next 2 years. I love her and her office staff so that is not it, I have to see the urologist every 3 months for a cat scan and an exam for God knows how long and I adore him and his office, I call him kidney boy cause he is so young.

So why am I crying? Will they tell me when my swelly bellies will go down? Or when will I have my energy back? Or when will the real Loraine come back. Cause this one shows a brave face but is petrified on the inside.....

I am so lucky compared to some on this website and I should not be crying so why am I. Why am I being such a big baby? Is this how it will be for years? I liked the old Loraine. I want her back.
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  #2  
Unread 08-11-2004, 09:30 AM
hiya

I know exactly how you feel. You are not alone! I had two surgeries in Jan 2003 and was told the cancer had all been removed. I think the shock of being told you have cancer stays with you for quite a while and you are totally normal when you have a good cry. The real Loraine will come back but it will take time and determination on your part for this to happen. I was also scheduled to see my gyn/onc every 3 months but i told him i would come and see him every 6 months for the simple reason i got into such a state every 3 months that it really wasnt worth it for me. I would say, for me, the 'old sheila' took a year to come back. Im now happily on one patch of estrogen a week, finally losing weight, got my sex drive back, hair has stopped shedding, and i no longer feel tired. Be patient it will happen! Pleas PM me if you so wish.


sheila
  #3  
Unread 08-11-2004, 10:25 AM
Terrified, 5 weeks today & off to the dr for a checkup SO WHY AM I TERRIFIED?

Hi Loraine,
I too know exactly how you feel. In October it will be two years since my hysterectomy. I am still on a 3 month schedule, and will continue to be for one more year. Three or four days before my appointment, I start to get nervous and apprehensive. My blood pressure which normally runs 120/60 sky rockets to scary levels. Last time there was a new office nurse who panicked when she took it - I think she thought I was about to stroke out! Of course once the exam is over, I breathe a huge sigh of relief, pressure returns to normal, and I leave chirpy and happy until the next time rolls around.

The nurse asked me why I get so worked up. After all, I should be old hand at these exams. I told her the exam itself, while certainly not one of my favorite things, is not the issue - but that once having had cancer, there is anxiety that something suspicious might be found again.

I can tell you that it does get a bit easier as time goes by. I used to worry for several weeks before my next appointment, now it is down to a few days. LOL!

Be patient with yourself. Your body has been through a lot, and it takes time to heal. s
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  #4  
Unread 08-11-2004, 11:16 AM
You're very normal

It's called cancerhead. The visits, even though you like the staff and are confident with them, bring things back and remind us that there was/is (in my case) cancer in there and your body betrayed you. It does get better--it may not leave all the way, but it does get easier. I've read in books and on another board of women who will cry just going past the hospital and women who need someone to go with them to make sure they get into the appointment. There are two good books that may help you: one is by Wendy Shessel Harpham, or Harpham Shlessel, a doctor and survivor, called "After Cancer." The other is by two women whose names escape me: "Dancing in Limbo." I found both extremely helpful.
  #5  
Unread 08-11-2004, 11:59 AM
Terrified, 5 weeks today & off to the dr for a checkup SO WHY AM I TERRIFIED?

I have been seen by my ob/gyn or gyn/onco every 3 months since Sep of 2000.....the biopsies from my last surgery all came back negative.....I feel apprehensive everytime I have to go to one of the doctors....there is this horrible fear in all of us that may never go away totally.

It does get a little bit easier.....I always bring someone with me to by gyn/onco appts, I just can't sit there alone even though I know everything is okay.

Good luck at your appointment.
  #6  
Unread 08-11-2004, 07:27 PM
Terrified, 5 weeks today & off to the dr for a checkup SO WHY AM I TERRIFIED?

((((((((Lorraine))))))))

Hang in there, friend. You're normal
it's hard to stay positive 24/7 when there are so many unknowns.


I am usually pretty positive with my outlook on my cancer, but somehow waiting an extra week for my 3rd treatment while my white blood count went up made me a little anxious this time.
Yep, Cancerhead rears it's ugly head again. Normal, sadly.
Down, BEAST!


Good luck to you, sounds like things are really going well for you!
  #7  
Unread 08-12-2004, 01:14 AM
Terrified, 5 weeks today & off to the dr for a checkup SO WHY AM I TERRIFIED?

Thanks everyone for all your support, it is great to be part of this website, knowinging that the monsters under my bed have been under others, that I am not a freak, that this is normal.

I started crying as I walked into the new beautiful building just beacuse I am now branded, NYU Cancer Research Clinic. Scarey but it is a really neet place if I can let myself relax a bit.

The doctor is thinking that the lump under my breast and goes to the back by where the kidney was removed is a HERNIA! However, they are being kind to me and letting me wait until my scheduled cat scan to find out exactly what it is. Neither doctor was worried, I was thinking it was swelly belly!

And almost another MONTH off from work, She would have given me two but I really cannot afford it financially, but with a hernia looming ahead I need to get back towork and start saving sick days for the next round of surgery.....

thanks again for being there for me
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