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PLEASE,PLEASE HELP this mother of 5!! PLEASE,PLEASE HELP this mother of 5!!

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Unread 08-18-2004, 07:17 AM
PLEASE,PLEASE HELP this mother of 5!!

Hi everyone...I need help. I am posting on this board because I need help from those who have been there - those who know what it is like after a hysterectomy. I am a 31 year old mother with 5 children ranging in age from 1-10.

I go to my doctor in 2 days (Friday). He has given me the choice of an ablation or a hysterectomy (keeping ovaries). I have severe bleeding, very large clotting, long periods and I am chronically anemic. I do not, however, have fibroids, cycts or polyps that are causing this problem. Also, I cannot take Birth Control due to high blood pressure.

Here is my delima: I really, really want to do the hyst instead of the ablation because I want to be over the bleeding and pain once and for all. Although my doctor has left the decision up to me, he seems to be leaning more toward the ablation option because he says that recovery is so much easier.

I have 5 children and that requires a LOT of energy and hard work. If I have the hyst, my sister will come and help out for a few weeks (2-3), my DH is ALWAYS working. But what about after the 2-3 weeks is over and I am on my own for the most part. I have no close friends or family nearby (we move around a lot). What can I realistically expect during the post-op weeks. Will I be able to do this with 5 small children?

Please, please help me...I know that you all have been there and that you know what it is like. This is one of the most difficult decisions that I have ever made and the pressure in really getting to me.

Thank You!!
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Unread 08-18-2004, 07:31 AM
PLEASE,PLEASE HELP this mother of 5!!

Hi, I am 2 weeks and 1 day post op,TAH, BSO. I have 3 children still at home, ages 16, 4,3 and my husband. My 16 year old daughter has done great helping me out with the house work, cooking, laundry and little ones. She has gone back to school now though. MY 3 year old started preschool last week and my 4 year old will start K-4 tomorrow. I have managed really good so far, am feeling great. I think with the help you will be getting from your sister for the first 2-3 weeks, you will be ok. Although we are all different and heal differently. Good luck and keep us informed on how it all goes. Carolyn
Unread 08-18-2004, 07:34 AM
PLEASE,PLEASE HELP this mother of 5!!

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Unread 08-18-2004, 07:38 AM
PLEASE,PLEASE HELP this mother of 5!!

Wow, that's tough! Not sure what to advise...........

I would go with what your instinct/body is telling you, which from what I read is the hysterectomy..........

If your sisiter can stay for 3 weeks that would be a great help to you - especially since you will not be allowed to lift anything heavier then sugar bag............. - so no lifting of children, incl. 1 yr old...........
Will your 10 yr old be able to help, after sister is gone, like with the lifting of, especially, the 1 yr old?? He/she may be of more help then you think and it may help him/her feel better about you being "ill" when he/she can help out.
Can you ask a neighbour to come in every so often, after your sister is gone? Most neighbours are happy to help out every so often - at least that's what I've found - both here in UK and USA!

Check with your Doctor as to when you would be able to lift little babies/kids.
Can Doctor's office provide a home help or a nurse, mabye once a day for a couple of hours??

A lot may also depend on how you recovery -- I was very, very lucky and recovered extremely quickly and was allowed to do things by 4 weeks post op, incl. swimming, driving and flying to USA (from UK). I just had a vaginal hysterectory and kept ovaries.
I believe you recover more quickly from a vaginal hysterectomy anyway - so could that be an option for you??

Reading all this - I don't think I'm really giving you any answers, sorry! But hopefully I've given you some pointers that may help!
Hopefully there are other sisters who can better help you!

Take care, keep us posted,
Unread 08-18-2004, 07:40 AM
PLEASE,PLEASE HELP this mother of 5!!

It's good that you'll have help the first 2-3 weeks, as I really couldn't do too much then. But after 3 weeks, I find myself able to do little things. I still tire easily. Realistically, I believe you can do anything you set your mind to. My kids are a little older (14, 11, 9) so I have them help out a lot. I also find that they like to feel like they are caring for mom, especially the youngest one.

My best advice is to plan ahead. When your sister has to leave, have your refrigerator packed with easy to prepare meals. Have the kids help with the laundry - I had mine do all the bending over and handing it to me, but I actually ran the machines. Do you have a dishwasher? Teach the kids to load it themselves after meals, and don't stress if there's a few dirty dishes around for a day or two. And let the older kids play with the younger kids, but you'll get lots of sit-down, read together time. Just don't worry about stray toys and jobs getting done. Relax and heal, and the work will be there when you feel up to it. (Which started for me between 3 and 4 weeks, with limitations.)

Also, a lot depends on the type of hysterectomy. I think laproscopic and vaginals have quicker recovery times. I'm abdominal w/ vertical incision, taking it slowly but starting to resume household responsibilities at 4 1/2 weeks.

Best wishes to you.

Unread 08-18-2004, 07:51 AM

I had an ablation first and the recovery is much, much easier. I had it done on a friday and was fine by monday.. But it didnt work for me and less then 5 weeks later I was having the hysterectomy. I wanted to try the ablation first because I too had small children (5,4,1). I had a LAVH hysterectomy and had help for 2 weeks from my mother in law but after that I was on my own. I just had a little problem with my one year old but the other two kids are pretty self sufficient... I guess it depends on the person but I still had pain and was very tired the first 6 weeks plus I had a couple minor complications. It is hard to take care of the kids but if your heart is set on getting your problem over and done with I would go for the hysterectomy because why take the chance that the ablation wont work and having to go threw an extra surgery.. It will be rough at the beginning but hopefully you recover fast..
Unread 08-18-2004, 10:17 AM
PLEASE,PLEASE HELP this mother of 5!!

This is just my opinion, i would try the ablation first, it works for most folk, i wish i had been given the option, if it does,nt work u can have the hyst, i wish i had neva had the hyst but thats just me, i av more probs now than b4, so as i say, uve nothing to loose trying the ablation, it could work. My neighbour had an ablation and she had all i had, fibroids etc, an she is fine. Good luck with wat u decide, best wishes :0)
Unread 08-18-2004, 10:31 AM
PLEASE,PLEASE HELP this mother of 5!!

I've had two ablations. The first was balloon ablation, which achieved nothing, so then I had microwave ablation, which actually left me far worse off than before as regards bleeding. But nothing worked for me - not pills, the Mirena coil.....
I found the ablations quite painful, although recovery was very fast.
Now I've had an SAH nearly 6 weeks ago, and at last - no more bleeding!!
I know ablations work well for some people, but for me they were a waste of time and meant that I've had three operations instead of just one.
As for recovery - I have other health problems so am taking longer to recover, but I'm able to do most things myself now. It's possible to plan ahead to keep the workload under control.
Hope this helps a a little
Best of luck with whatever you decide.
Unread 08-18-2004, 10:58 AM
PLEASE,PLEASE HELP this mother of 5!!

I too chose to have a TAH to solve several problems instead of a smaller procedure that would take care of just one thing. I have one 4 year old and I just had a TAH-BSO 5 weeks ago. My Mom came & stayed for the first 2 1/2 weeks. She was really good about expaining to him not to climb on Mommy because my tummy was hurt, and that I would really need him to be a big-boy and help mommy do things.

I made it a point to make the most of resting while my Mom was here to help. When she made meals, she made double and froze half. Before she left, she went grocery shopping & stocked up on necessities and easy to fix frozen dinners, and she made sure the laundry and cleaning was up to date.

After she left, my 4 year old has been great about helping me to pick up things off the floor. He also loads the dishes into the dishwasher as I hand them to him one by one & tell him where it goes. (I can load the top rack easily enough). We do the same thing with laundry. He hands me the clothes from the basket (and/or floor) and I sort them/ put them into the washer. When they are ready to go into the dryer, I hand them to him one by one and he puts them in. It is the reverse when we take them out. He hands them too me one by one and I hang them up. We still take it slow and don't do too much at once. You can always load it a little at a time. Also, my husband works lots of hours also, but it only takes a couple of minutes for him to throw a load of clothes in the washer when he gets out of the shower. He can also stop at the store on the way home to pick up a loaf of bread and milk as needed.

With 5 kids, you'll have lots of helpers around the house. Your biggest concern may be someone to drive you and your kids around. Do you have a neighbor or friend that can take your kids to school/daycare and you to your doctor appointments? Maybe another mother living near you, wouldn't mind picking up your child(ren) when she takes hers? If nothing else, a taxi can take you to your Doctor appointment.

Just be sure to take full advantage and REST WELL the first couple of weeks while your sister is there, and the rest will be much easier.

Good Luck with whatever you decide.
Unread 08-18-2004, 11:26 AM
PLEASE,PLEASE HELP this mother of 5!!

I had an ablation first which didn't work for me. I gotta tell you though, if cost isn't a concern and your doctor thinks it would work for you, an ablation is pretty easy to recover from. Many women swear by them. If pain isn't an issue for you it might not be a bad idea to consider trying an ablation first. My coworker had one and doesn't even have a period any more!

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