This just hit me! Having children is not a choice.

I have never wanted to have children. My husband had a vasectomy two years ago and I had a hysterectomy last March. The strange thing is that it use to be a choice. I went to the doctor the other day and the nurse asked when my last period was. I told her January and she kinda looked at me funny. I told her I had a hysterectomy. Weird thing was, it hit me like a ton of bricks that having children is no longer a choice, it's a fact. Made me kinda sad. Has anyone experienced that?

I think I know where you're coming from. I have 2 kids and wasn't looking to have any more (divorced and the BF didn't want any either). BUT my youngest turned around last week and said he would have liked a baby bro. Floored me that even though I had no plans to have any more kids, it's not my decision any more anyway. And yes, I felt kinda sad over the fact that that has been taken away from me.

Yes, it hit me like a ton of bricks about a week after my hyst. I had no plans to have any more children but just knowing that door was permanently closed really got me. I cried and cried. I'm ok with it now but I know exactly what you mean about the sudden realization that it's no longer a choice...

Tina

It hit me at my doc's office two weeks ago. There were two new mothers and babies and two pregnant women sitting there and I actually felt a pang of jealousy. Funny thing is, I've been done having kids since I had a tubal eight years ago. I guess somewhere in the back of my mind I thought there were ways around that procedure if I really wanted it bad enough. Now, it's just final. There's no way around this one.
It was a fleeting moment of jealousy but it surprised me how it snuck up on me. Glad to know I'm not the only one.

I'm glad you understand. My family would think I was nuts. I have never wanted kids. I guess it's just that it's not a choice anymore.

yeah, I understand this too. I'd had a tubal ligation during the "crash" c-section with my DD -- they were very clear with me that any further pregnancies would endanger my life (I was 40, and had had one ectopic and a miscarriage, both nasty; nearly lost my life and DD's with severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome).

My DH has a 12 yo son, we were older -- all kinds of rational reasons to be done with our family. But DD would love to have a younger sibling -- and she is SOOO good with kids, it gives me pangs every time she mentions it.

My hyst wasn't a "choice" or elective...but I occasionally still have those pangs...and I'm nearing 50 !



Audrey

I moved your post over here to the Aching Hearts Forum - I think you will get great support over here. There are many other ladies who have posted in this forum who have thought and felt what you are experiencing.

I'm sending many s your way!

Hi,

Yes, when I went into the dr for my last yearly check up the nurse asked when was my last period. I just sort of stood there and and muttered I had a hysterectomy. I said didn't they write it down?

It is so final and a shock. I hope you can get past this sadness it has caused you. I find in my own way to deal with it, like having positive thoughts and knowing I did the best I could do with the ailing body that just didn't work out like I would have liked.

Sometimes we just have to do things to have a better quality of life. It is hard to live with pain and bleeding all the time.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers. You are not alone and I hope you feel better. I hope the little reminders will not hurt you as time goes by.

s

Hi,

I can SO relate. It just hit me a few hours ago. Even though I've known for years that getting pregnant wasn't possible with all my problems, one doctor said "it's a big ole mess down there". Plus, I didn't really want children, but that's a whole 'nother story! Anyway, when the doctor told me today that the only option was a hysotrectomy, he said that closes the door on having children. I said I can't anyway. He looked very sad and softly said, "yes, you're right, but this makes it final." It really hit me on the way home. I just keep seeing his face and his sad voice. Darn compassionate doctors.

I'm sorry I don't have any words to help you, but I guess everyone in this thread now knows they are not alone in feeling it's not fair that we don't have a say in it.

I too never wanted children. My DH had a vasectomy 3 years ago and I had my tubes tied as part of my (hopefully) completed GYN saga. Neither of those events had the kind of effect that the hyst has had on me!

I was at the Dr. for my 6 week check up and he was behind schedule, as usual. The waiting room filled up around me. There must have been 6 pregnant ladies and 2 with new babies. It was all I could do not to start crying right there! It was the strangest thing! Of all that I've expereinced down this road my reaction that day has been the most shocking to me!! Since then, I have actually cried for something I never wanted! How strange is that?

I have mentioned this to DH a couple of times. He's been very supportive and didn't freak out (as I expected). I really want to discuss it with another woman - but I can't think of anyone, I know, that might understand. I think my Mom and sisters would think I've lost my marbles! I have plenty of friends that have children and many that don't but none of them has had a hyst. I'm the first! I could/should/have ask(ed) Why me? But I think that needs to be a different string!

So - I'm grateful to have all of you!! Thanks for being there!