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hospital-words from DR/husband STILL NO SUPPORT hospital-words from DR/husband STILL NO SUPPORT

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Unread 09-28-2004, 08:40 AM
hospital-words from DR/husband STILL NO SUPPORT

Today is two weeks since my big H.
Just want to get some feedback on something my doctor said to me the day I left the hospital.
My doctor came in the room,along with a student nurse.
after my doctor spent two minutes telling me the basics of no driving, no lifting etc.. He then said pretty loud and in some kind of wacked out sense of humor--
I left your vagina, so now you can go home and have sex.

I couldn't believe what I heard. On top of that, the next day I ended up in the ER with so much pain-pretty much the same pain I had the day I left. My doctor had ER run some test and then he came in to do an internal exam. I was already very upset at him for sending me home when I could hardly walk. When he did the internal exam, I was about ready to go thru the roof with pain. My doctor yelled at me told me to quit acting like a 12 year old! This DR had/has no clue what pain I was in and seemed not to really even care.

I should have went with my gut feeling on this DR before my surgery. I'll post about that on the pre-op board.
I was so upset about my doctor after my surgury, I went back to my GP doctor for my one week post op exam.

Any helpful hints to allow my mind to also heal-?

P.S. Still no emotional support from hubby. Things seem to be getting worse. Now, he sems to come home and be "put out" that I haven't done much all day. He keeps asking me to have my mother come over to help me clean-of which he knows she won't.

Husband comes home from work and spends very little time with me. Almost seems like he's ignoring me-?
Any advice on all of this?
I REALLY NEED SOME THOUGHTS-from woman that can relate!
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Unread 09-28-2004, 08:46 AM
hospital-words from DR/husband STILL NO SUPPORT

Oh my goodness, what a lovely doctor you have...NOT!! I cannot believe how he treated you! Wow, I am speechless.

Do you have some kind of licensing board for Physicians where you are? I hear this so often, and we do have a board here in Canada. I would definitely complain about this if you can.

As for hubby, he could be going through some kind of issues over your surgery himself. It almost sounds as if he is distancing himself to protect himself. I dont know him but that is what my hubby does. If he cant control something he gets really angry. When he had to take me to hospital on Saturday, he yelled all the way there. I have learnt not to take offense, it is who he is. "Its a guy thing" Could this maybe be what is happening? If so, please sit down and discuss it. You need some support.....

As for the dr, well, murder is out of the question! BUt I would definitely find someone who will listen.
Unread 09-28-2004, 09:00 AM
hospital-words from DR/husband STILL NO SUPPORT

That dr. is a jerk! Don't worry, there are plenty of good ones out there. At my first exam, it didn't hurt at all. The dr. explained he would use just half of the speculaum (can't spell) and he was very gentle. Can your regular dr. refer you to someone else? Or ask the ladies that you know.
I'm sorry about your husband, also. It's been two weeks and I know you are still pretty raw (emotionaly and well as physically). Can you afford to have someone come in and help you some? Give the house a good cleaning, you know. That would get your hubby off your back and a clean house always makes people feel better. I had a TVH, so at two weeks the dr. okayed me for light exercise. Check with a new dr. (if you can) about what kind of exercises you are cleared for. It might make you feel better to get moving around more. Even if it is just walking around the block, it will help clear your head.
This will get better for you. Two weeks got me over the rough part of recovery. It was smooth sailing after. I hope it will be the same for you.
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Unread 09-28-2004, 09:01 AM
hospital-words from DR/husband STILL NO SUPPORT


I'm sorry you had to go through that with your Dr . If we can't rely on them understanding our pain after this surgery, what are we suppose to do? We certainly need someone we can trust at this time. When you went to your GP, did you discuss it with him? Did he give you any suggestions on what to do? I'm also sorry that your husband has been distance, but Kat may be right...a lot of men just want everything to run on an even keel and their moods might get nastey when something disrupts that. I sure pray thinga get better for you sister.

luv, hugs & prayers,

Unread 09-28-2004, 11:04 AM
rude doctor

Thanks you ladies for your support!
I would love to take up some of the issues with the powers that be. My problem is that my husband works at this hospital and I'm afraid the "powers that be" may look down on my husband.
If it weren't for my husband working at this hospital, I wold have been on the phone a while ago. This situation kind of stinks, but I have to be very careful because of my husbands job.

Also, I think my husband is going thru his own emotions. I try and remember that when he seems distant. I guess the whole idea of-no more children. My hubby is 47 and I'm 37. I just couldn't live with the pain of endo anymore.
I told my husband if we were going to have more children we should have done it five years ago. Our boys are 8 and 12.

I have talked to my hubby about adopting a girl from overseas. We have been talking about it for the past six months-even spoke to the boys about it. Right now I want to work on getting better.
OK, I rambling!
Thanks Again ladies for your support!
Unread 09-28-2004, 12:07 PM
hospital-words from DR/husband STILL NO SUPPORT

Try to remind your hubby that right now you have to rest and that soon you will be doing more. Your still early in recovery. Maybe hire someone to clean in the mean time. the first three weeks were the worst for it was not until week five I felt better. I think a good web site for him to view just to see what you have been thru is I know men and your family get used to things being done and when that stops or slows down they don't realize what your body as been thru. They have gotten used to everything being done and taken care of as you did it for years. Tell him your not being lazy but following drs orders. If he has questions have him talk to your dr. He may very well be trying to comprehend what has happened. Maybe he will eventually open up. maybe if you can give him info on what has happend. This recovery time for you is so important as you don't want complications. Six weeks to 8 weeks is so short. I gradually worked myself back into doing things. You only get one chance to heal right. I hope and pray that your hubby will be more supportive. Do you have freinds in church who could help you or neighbors?
As to this dr he needs to be disciplined. Too bad you can't go to the hosp and make sure he is disciplined. Reporting this should not effect your hubbies job unless this dr is very powerful and affluent at this hosp. Everything that is reported should be confidential. I would talk to hubby about blowing the whistle on this dr. As a nurse if I were to say what he said to you I would have been fired. That was unprofessional and abusive. YOur rights as a patient were violated. maybe write an anynomyous letter to the hosp stating what happened and maybe check into having him investigated or disciplined. I am thnking of the poor patinets he has that are being abused and don't know that their patients rights are there and what they are. If you know of anyone else who is a patient of his maybe they might complain. Hopefully there were witnesses to this. Anyhow I understand your fear. But please reconsider this for the sake of other patients. maybe by voicing your fears to hubby or someone at hosp that you want to report something but your afraid of hubbys job being in jeopardy maybe they will give you the protection you need. As somone who is in healthcare I take very seriously how my patients feel and try to give them compassionate loving care and some of these drs need to be reminded what they are there for.
take cre and keep us posted on how things go

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