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Prince acting like a jester! Prince acting like a jester!

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Unread 10-18-2004, 05:26 PM
Prince acting like a jester!

so i'm 4 days post-op and i guess as of dinnertime my dh decided my pampering time is over. actually last night before i went to bed he asked me if i was getting up early to make him breakfast, and did i pack his lunch?????? he was good the first few days, and i know that I created this monster! he's a spoiled little boy and we talked and talked before the surgery about him rising to the occasion and taking care of me, or else my mother was going to come! so he promised to take care of me. once over the weekend i did the dishes (i felt tired of doing nothing!) and today i cooked dinner (i felt totally up to it, and kept it simple) so after dinner he says, are you doing the dishes??? is it me? am i weird to be so upset? i told him that he is doing just what i expected. i told him that i am NOT going to be making breakfast or lunch. i don't have a problem making simple dinners but he is going to do the dishes. please tell me my husband isn't the only one who acts like this. some times i feel like every other husband in the world is treating their wife better than mine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thanks for listening.
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Unread 10-18-2004, 05:46 PM
Prince acting like a jester!

Don't lift another finger. Don't get up until after he's gone. Leave the breakfast dishes rotting in the sink. Allow the dogs to poo on the carpet and tell him you were too weak to take them out too weak to clean it up. And why? BECAUSE YOU ARE.

#1) You are still full of hospital drugs and anesthesia that you think you feel better than you are. Just you wait until they wear off and you actually feel all the ripping you are doing now. (I had this wonderful experience)
#2) you are sending mixed messages that you are OK by choosing to do some things that you shouldn't and then not doing others. YOU CAN'T COOK MEALS NOW. Sara Lee and Mrs. Stoeffer knew this and that's why they invented frozen meals. A teams of scientists invented the microwave after they/thier wives endured TAHs. Go back to bed and stay there!
#3) I have found the others only help when help doesn't come...namely me. Once they got that, everyone scurried like mice and I stopped trying, I healed faster and got on my feet without further delay. Trust me, this is true.

VENT HERE. Don't try to be a hero at home; this isn't the time.
But, whatever they end up fixing you to eat, no matter how poorly done the dishes are, no matter how streaky the cleaning or misguided the laundry attempts, how salty or undercooked the meals, say thanks and DON'T try to re-do it yourself. YOU CAN'T. Just be glad they tried. And sigh.

I know how hard it is, but let go and let them do what they can.

Oh...congratulations on getting through the surgery. Isn't waiting the hardest part?

Welcome home, and go to bed Hugs and a speedy recovery to you!
Unread 10-18-2004, 05:57 PM
Prince acting like a jester!

Hi Mary,
Glad you are home and feel like being up and about abit. You are experiencing quite normal things with your DH if he is like mine and several others I have read about on posts--they're helpful and supportive to a degree. But if the Princess starts acting and/or looking even a teeney bit improved some hubbies take that as a full recovery/done deal signal, "whewww, that's over..." DHs are anxious and ready for things to be back to normal. (I don't blame them)
Remember the rule: NO make-up, keep your jammies on. You are your own barometer--don't overdue for any reason(other's expectations or attitudes, real or perceived,) included. Please take care--you've heard it here over and over--this is the healing time--it's important to go by what you know and feel. (dish out some appreciation and compliments along the way for the things DH does for you )
Happy Healing
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Unread 10-18-2004, 07:01 PM
Prince acting like a jester!

Hi Mary,
I am here to tell you that you are definitely not alone....i made the stupid mistake of driving. Now there is yucky white stuff on the ground, slippery as heck and who drove the kid to school cuz we slept in?? Ill just let you guess. Of course my stupid windshield wipers and my rear defog dont work so I had to drive to the dealership to try and get that fixed and the guy wasnt there. So guess who is gonna have to haul her butt out of bed in the morning, shower, get dressed and go down again??

My advice?? Please tell DH that you are just absolutely played out and cannot cook supper again for awhile. It was just too hard on you! And laundry?? Remember how happy I was to have white undies?? New ones?? Well my DS did laundry, I am proud to say, and I no longer have pretty new white undies!! They look just as wonderful as my old grey ones....Oh well, they are clean (I think)

Take care
Unread 10-18-2004, 07:22 PM
Prince acting like a jester!

Sounds like you have gotten some good advise from the sisters, if your family is anything like mine they will let me do what I will. Please do keep the PJs on for as long as possible, even if you MUST run out for something throw them back on as soon as you hit the door and rest. Do not be deceived by feeling good at this stage as this will come back to bite you in the butt - I know. Take care of your self and hopefully your husband will too.
Unread 10-18-2004, 07:26 PM
Prince acting like a jester!

Honey, if we are not in our PJ's with no make up they think we are fine. Either we stay in in the bed and pretend we are still dying or they think we are great. There is a long way between recovering and complete recovery. hang in there
Unread 10-18-2004, 07:55 PM
Stop now!

All the advice is "right on"! Just stop doing RIGHT NOW! Stay in pjs, say, "I cannot do that" or "I am not allowed to do that". Make sure you throw in a "full recovery takes up to a year". All along the way drop in little nuggets of "education". Have him read the HysterMister stuff.

I use the phrase, "I've hit the wall now, I can't do anymore". I'm not having the problems with SO, but more with MYSELF! So I use this phrase. (Unfortunately, I forgot to talk to myself at all last week and now I am set back a few weeks...grrrr!)

You cannot, must not, CANNOT do housework, lift anything, bend, etc. Go find that section on post op articles of "can/cannot do" and print it off and leave it on the fridge. Make sure he reads it.

Believe me, he will start to get the picture immediately. Every time you give in and do one thing, you foster his belief that you are NOW capable. Don't do it...not even one time.

If he can't cook, send him out to pick up carry out meals. My SO has brought in Bob Evans, O'Charley's, Steak and Shake, Frisches, whatever...I've made grocery lists and sent the SO out to get my food.

He is not a child, he is a man. Make him learn to act like one!

You stand your ground, girl! This is no time to give in!

Unread 10-18-2004, 08:20 PM
Prince acting like a jester!

You're not alone and I can understand completely.

My first day home I was asked when I'd be ready to go back to work!*punch*
I'm a dispatcher and he thinks, if I'm able to sit at the computer, I should be able to sit and answer phones.

He refuses to see that I'm not driving two hours to get to the computer, let alone sitting here for 9 hours straight, then driving two hours back to the bedroom.

I'm going on 37 years old. I've spent my entire life taking care of other people and now I'm taking care of ME. Once I'm better, I'll go back to caring for others, but they're on the back burner for the time being.....and surviving, thank you very much.

If you can't get him to understand, have mom move in for awhile. I don't know a man yet who won't straighten up with mom-inlaw around.

Just take care of yourself, that's the most important thing.
Unread 10-18-2004, 09:53 PM
couldn't resist

Okay, I'm probably not suppose to even be looking in here (post-op), but I couldn't resist! I haven't been to the castle yet (this Friday is my BIG DAY), but do have a few diseases. I'm very healthy, but have learned how to "work it", if you know what I mean. I TOTALLY agree with all the gotta take it easy.
One trick I've learned is to throw the back of one hand lightly to your forehead, and roll your eyes as you slightly swoon (I think that's the word!). Several of my gal pals now use this. If there's a prince nearby (or one hiding in your DH/SO), sometimes this helps to bring him out!

Waiting not so patiently,
Unread 10-19-2004, 04:53 AM
Prince acting like a jester!

YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST! you give such great advice. i'm glad i'm not alone in this! last night i retired to my (guest) recovery room and didn't come out at all. he came in and sheepily said good night. i didn't get out of bed until i heard him drive away this morning! HA! i will try very very hard to take the advice about not doing too much. i have no idea when he will be home tonight so when he finally arrives i will announce that he must go out and pick something up or cook himself because i am JUST DONE IN. how does that sound? i'm going to do very little today to try and protect my insides! why can't men act more like dogs? Buster hasn't left my side and still adores me even tho we don't go on our long walks every morning. unconditional love baby!!!! seriously, thanks for all the great advice. i WILL be trying the swoon tonight. you make me laugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! love ya, and best wishes for a fast recovery to all! what the heck would we do without this website?????

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