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How My Hyst Saved My Marriage How My Hyst Saved My Marriage

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Unread 12-28-2000, 08:38 AM
How My Hyst Saved My Marriage

Dh and I have been together for 16 years, married for 13. He has always believed the best way to care for the 'family' (which was just us until two years ago) is to provide income for house, food, etc. That's all well and good, but I've tried for years and years to tell him sometimes I need HIM, not the money. I need him to BE THERE. Every time he let me down, the promise came 'next time I'll do whatever you need' - yeah, right. Never happened. For all of my surgeries (5) he would drop me off at the hospital and go to work, picking me up when he was done for the day. Even when our son was born, he went to work. I had been bleeding and he knew it could end up emergency surgery (it did). I nearly died and he almost missed it. He even skipped the vacation he had scheduled that week so he could stay home with me and the new baby. He just didn't feel 'right' sitting at home. Yes I am independent. I take care of the house, the bills, our son, and work full time. It's ok for the most part, but if I'm going to have a partner I need someone I can depend on when the chips are down to help out. A few months ago, it happened again. That was it, I'd had it. I told him if all he wanted to provide was a paycheck, we'd just call it alimony. He was stunned, and very upset at the thought of divorce. We have been fighting a lot for a few years, and I just got tired of doing everything alone. He finally 'got it', so he said. He wanted to prove I could trust him. Then in Oct I told him about the hyst. I called my parents, and my dad said he would be here for the surgery so I told dh he wasn't needed. That hurt him a lot. Dh promised he would do anything and everything - every step of the way. Yeah, right.

Well, not only was he there when I was wheeled into surgery, he was there when I woke up and all day. He even tried to get this week as vacation time (the mgr. didn't ok it). I've been watching him, and am amazed at the difference! He calls each day to see how I am and if he can bring me anything home. He comes home early every day, does the laundry and the dishes. He vacuums, mops and goes to the store for whatever we need. He picks up our son (2 yrs old) from daycare, cooks dinner, plays blocks or takes him to the park. He gives him a bath, reads a book, gives him his daily medicine (son is asthmatic) and then tucks him in. He brings me dinner in bed if I'm tired, and checks on me frequently to see if I need anything. He sits with me after our son is in bed and holds my hand. He asks me how I'm feeling, and tells me about his day. For the first time in a very long time, I like my husband and look forward to seeing him.

He has never cheated or hit me. He doesn't drink or do drugs. He is kind, loving, and funny. And FINALLY thoughtful and devoted. I think that once I'm healed, we'll get a sitter more often and have some real adult time. I'm staring to feel married again!!

Thank you God, for giving us a second chance. I am enjoying falling in love again and I appreciate my dh for all that he is.
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Unread 12-28-2000, 09:55 AM
How My Hyst Saved My Marriage

Oh Sahrah,

I love happy endings and new beginnings. I am so happy for you! Happy recovery and a very Happy New Year to you.
Best wishes, Donna
Unread 12-28-2000, 10:42 AM
How My Hyst Saved My Marriage

AW! That made me cry. I got the same change from my DH, although with him, there was no threat of divorce, and it did not last. Your message was beautiful, and I am very happy for you and your family that you found something so beautiful out of your hysterectomy!
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Unread 12-28-2000, 11:12 AM
That brought back memories

Dh and I have been married for 16 yrs. I have 3 kis 15,12,3yrs. My Dh is a recovering alcholic and drug addict, for years he was not there for me. He was the same way just a paycheck and I too wanted more. Well me going into the hospital was the best thing! Before i went in he thought i had the easiest job in the world, and made remarks like how come your so tired alls you do is sit on your A** and watch TV. Well for 3 nights while i was in the castle he had to watch my 3 yr old DD, Our 2 sons. He told me that that mommy stuff is real hard and he would never cut me down again, till this day he is more sympathatic on how i feel comes home and does laundry dishes vaccums ect.. And plays more with our DD and cares more about me. Just this morning he told me not to do anything that he would do it when he gets home!~!
Ok the moral of the story sometimes it takes something major to happen to us before the men in our lives realize how much they do need us and love us. My DH has become a better person since the surgery! he has taken alot of time off and money wise we are hurting,but he told me that I was more important for once.
I'm so glad everything worked out for you it does feel nice i bet you take care.
Unread 12-28-2000, 11:21 AM
How My Hyst Saved My Marriage

Hey! I have been there done that! My first husband was not a drinker, did not cheat, brought home his paycheck - but I worked full time too, and had to do EVERYTHING around the house and to do with the kids©
I was at the point where I really had 3 kids© But one worked©
I tried everything© I even went on strike© His mom was coming over for dinner and I asked him whether he was going to be embarassed with the house such a mess© He said "No, she knows that's your job, and it's you that will look bad"©
Well, let me tell you, that was the straw! After 15 years I divorced him©
I am now remarried to a wonderful guy ¥ten year anniversary in a couple of weeks¤ who cooks, cleans etc© When I went in for my TAH on 12/21 he was there for me© He cooked xmas dinner for our family and cleaned afterwards©
After reading this thread, it crossed my mind that if I were still married to hubby #1 I would have got a TV dinner for xmas!! LOL
Unread 12-28-2000, 12:17 PM
How My Hyst Saved My Marriage

It is often said that we really don't know anyone until we see how they react under pressure. I'm so glad that you found out that he really does love you and he finally knows now how to showit. Often men are convinced that they show their love by providing things (like money, house, car, etc.) but it is often the littlest things that mean the most to us.

I know I was almost in tears when I got home from a business trip and I was exhausted. My DH knew that I was fighting bronchitis and knew I needed not only to rest but to get better before it really aggravated my asthma. He did the sweetest thing which made me smile and I knew by that one little act that he had been thinking about me and worrying about me. He changed my toothbrush! He had gone out an bought me a new one so I wouldn't be putting the same germs back in my mouth everythime I brushed my teeth. Of course he thought I had lost my mind when I started getting emotional over a toothbrush but I knew I had been on his mind and that made me feel wonderful!

I hope you and your DH continue to grow as you mentioned in your letter and that this new year is the happist and healthiest for you yet!!
Unread 12-28-2000, 12:38 PM
How My Hyst Saved My Marriage

Awww. That's so sweet about the toothbrush!

It is wierd, what will get to you.

My DH is wonderful anyway (I'm very lucky, I know!), and cleans, vaccuums, does laundry, etc. - but he's being especially sweet now - he's out cleaning the horse pen. This is a guy who does *not* clean horse pens! I didn't even ask him to - I figured I catch up on it in a few weeks. He's been taking excellent care of the critters. I can't tell you how much better I feel, knowing they are being cared for so well.

Sarah - I'm glad things are looking up for you both. If there's a "relapse" you might do some reading about workaholics - people who keep their nose in their work to avoid having to face everything else that's going on in their lives. I hope things keep going well though!
Unread 12-28-2000, 01:35 PM
dear ladies

How wonderful to read your stories,I am truly blessed with a wonderful,cheerful,brilliant,loving,hysterically funny madman who sings daily at the top of his lungs.I am quite mad about him!!!I just wanted to add his name to the good guy list! thank you for the oppourtunity to do so!Love Lass
Unread 12-28-2000, 02:38 PM
How My Hyst Saved My Marriage

My hubby changed a bit too after my surgery. He's an absolutely wonderful man, and has always done the majority of the cooking and cleaning (except for the horse stalls, Linda, like your husband - they are MY responsibility! ). I know how lucky I am to have such a wonderful guy, but he never really showed emotion much. I knew he loved me, but he never really demonstrated it in an emotional way. Well, for the first time in 9 years, I saw the man cry! It was after he saw me in the recovery room. I couldn't believe it, and my mom had to verify that she saw it too. Mr. tough-guy police officer actually cried! Since then, he has been much more affectionate, holding my hand, kissing me out of the blue, calling me at work just to say he loves me, etc. I didn't think our marriage could be any more wonderful, but now it is!
Unread 12-28-2000, 03:40 PM
How My Hyst Saved My Marriage

What a beautiful story. I'm going to cry! :-))


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