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Anyone else dealing with a Hateful teenage daughter? Anyone else dealing with a Hateful teenage daughter?

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Unread 10-30-2004, 09:51 AM
Anyone else dealing with a Hateful teenage daughter?

I am a single mom, with kids ages ds-5, ds-12 and dd-14. Prior to surgery my daughter was her usual rebelious, sometimes snotty, know it all self. I explained to her what was happening, what the surgery was about, that I would need more of her help when I got home.

Well, I got home Thursday and she was even more of her snotty self than usual. My 12 y.o. son fed me, made sure I was comfortable, that sort of thing. She just locked herself in her room, and when she was upstairs with us, she was hateful.

Yesterday was even worse.

Any ideas?

I am thinking of just sending her somewhere so I don't have to deal with her right now, as I just can't...

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Unread 10-30-2004, 10:02 AM
Anyone else dealing with a Hateful teenage daughter?

I also have a 14yr old dd an a 12 yr old dd. Isnt 14 wonderful?!?!?! When mine came to see me in the hospital, she even insisted on arguing (sp) with me in there because she had to watch her sisters soccer game. then come see me when she could be out hanging with her friends. I had told my BF to take her home. My 12 yr old was wonderful. I just kinda let the 14 do her own thing. I remember being her age and figuard it was easier just to let her do her thing then argu. She still minded curfue and the rules of the house. But I must say sometimes it was more peaceful when she was out. Hang in there sometimes it is just their way of dealing with mom being "helpless". Now that I am able to do things her attitude seems to improved. Good Luck, if you need to EM me feel free.


Unread 10-30-2004, 10:03 AM
Anyone else dealing with a Hateful teenage daughter?

Hi Michele,
Sorry to hear about the teenager thing. My poor son is almost there and will be in Feb.

Maybe your DD is afraid and at that age, they sure wont admit it. Could that be a possibility? I am sure you explained the surgery, and what it was all about. Does she maybe feel it will happen to her? I know that teenage girls can be little witches, and can he very hateful. I still remember what i put my mom through. I am sure she will come around, in a few years!!

Try talking to her, see what is bothering her. Or if it is her hormones, and attitude. It will put your mind at ease. As for your 12 yo son, be happy he is in your life! At least someone is looking out for you....They can be so sweet sometimes...

Hugs and hope she comes around...
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Unread 10-30-2004, 10:12 AM
Anyone else dealing with a Hateful teenage daughter?

HANG IN THERE. DD's are horrible at 14, 15, 16. Take heart, they become human (not aliens) about 17 or 18 and they actually become friends sometime in their early twenties. I have 2 DD's. Ages 21 and 22 (Also have twin DS's 23). I also have 2 daughters-in-law ages 23 & 21. At the age of 14 girls seem to feel like life should revolve around them. Mothers are the stupidist people on the face of the earth. NO ONE should inconvenience them or ask for anything. You are not alone. Your DD is not being abnormal or unfeeling for a teenager. She is just acting like a normal teenage DD. BRAT! HA HA. At this point there is very little you can do to change her attitude. You might try telling her that if she is rude and doesn't help you out you will have a much longer recovery and will be unable to shop for Christmas presents for her. Therefore she will be WITHOUT on Christmas morning. Not because you don't want to take care of her Christmas presents, but because you will be UNABLE to as you have not recovered properly. Sometimes you have to hit them where it hurts!!!
Unread 10-30-2004, 10:28 AM
Anyone else dealing with a Hateful teenage daughter?

I agree with one poster who said maybe she is scared and that is why she is reacting so strongly post op. I have DD-23 DS-14 DD 10 and I sat all 3 of them down, pulled out my nursing textbooks and showed them what was going to happen and how I was going to be after. My DD-10 was acting like my me that I shouldn't do this, that and the other. My DS-14 was waiting on me hand and foot and just kept saying, "I am so glad I am not a girl"
Take some time, just the 2 of you and talk about her fears, b/c I am thinking that has a lot to do with it, like one other said, maybe she thinks this might happen to her.
Good luck!
Unread 10-30-2004, 10:30 AM
Anyone else dealing with a Hateful teenage daughter?

By the way, I did try to talk to her, and all she did was cry and say she did not know why she was acting the way she was...

Unread 10-30-2004, 10:32 AM
Anyone else dealing with a Hateful teenage daughter?

My daughter is 15 and had a hard time dealing with "helping" me around the house and me not able to be there for her events at school recently... so there was alot of anger there..

We had a good heart to heart talk and I think it is hard for teenagers to understands. they think Mom's are invisible.. and they only are looking at their immediate needs..

hang in there!
Unread 10-30-2004, 10:49 AM
Anyone else dealing with a Hateful teenage daughter?

I'm also a single mom, my 13yr old DD lives with me full time. I'm having the same trouble trying to get her to "help". I don't want to nag...but geez. I finally had it the other night after having to drive her to the Mall for halloween costume and walk the entire length, came home and had a crying fit...think it finally hit her that she needs to do more. I also have a 17yr old DS (live with dad) and 21yr old DS...who haven't really been alot of help. I have the 17 with me this weekend...guilted him into mowing my yard(finally). I have an acre, and I refuse to hurt myself driving the mower....guess I'm gonna have to learn how to keep using the "guilt trip", or crying fits. I'm glad I'm not the only one with "teenagers" and dealing with this.
Unread 10-30-2004, 10:51 AM
Anyone else dealing with a Hateful teenage daughter?

My DD is turning 14 and I think we should gather all of them up and put them in a room to live with each other, I think it would qualify for an episode of survivor!

At first I couldn't believe how insensitive she could be, and then I too realized that it is a stage they are going through, it's hard to give out the extra support when you are the one who needs it the most right now.

Take Care
Unread 10-30-2004, 06:28 PM
Anyone else dealing with a Hateful teenage daughter?

I understand, completely....won't scare you with my experience when my 19 1/2 year old was 14, but it was awlful..In short, I had to go to therapy when she was 16 because I ended up with just about having a nervous breakdown.

My second daughter (age 13) is less selfish, but she has not hit 14 and 15 yet. I really do not think she will put us through the hell the oldest one had.

A few things I learned through therapy and experience:

1. You will never know what is going on in their head
2. Do not react to their emotional outbursts or ugliness, usually it is not personal anyway.
3. Learn to talk later when you and your daughter have calmed down.
4. Do not allow her to verbally abuse you, insist that she go to her room to calm down or you leave

When you both are calm, remind her that you love her. She is probably scared...perhaps it is because she realizes that you are only 'human' and are now weak because of your surgery. Remember mommies are not supposed to get sick and be vulnerable. Also, she is probably not very patient with the recovery process. Their sense of time is so different from ours.

You may want to talk with her about your recovery process. What you can and can't do. Focus on the can...perhaps your dtr would enjoy watching some movies with you. This is a great opportunity for the two of you to cuddle up and watch a romance/comedy. Order pizza....Include her in the recovery process in a positive way.

Since she cried and confessed that she does not understand why she reacts the way she does...she is probably experiencing a barage of emotions: fear, anger, guilt, helplessness, overwhelmed with a sense of responsility because she is the oldest, etc.

Someone very wise told me that if you do not know what your are feeling, most likely it is fear.

You may ask your daughter the following:
What are you afraid of?
Are you feeling helpless?

Then you may reassure her that you are a grown woman and therefore, very capable of knowing what your body needs for its recovery. You may also add that if you require medical help, you will take responsiblity for that by contacting another adult or your doctor.

A family meeting may be in order for the children to discuss some of the things they can help you with. A reward would be some quiet time with you.

Actually, this period of recovery could provide many opportunities for all of you to talk about some intimate things.

Could any of your friends take your children to the video store for you? the library to check out books? etc? Just some ideas.

I is not easy raising your children solo.....talking to another parent will help so much.

This web site is great! SCSusan TVH june 28

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