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Fed Up With Well Meaning Advice Fed Up With Well Meaning Advice

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Unread 11-08-2004, 04:21 PM
Fed Up With Well Meaning Advice

I am so tired of well meaning advice that just makes me feel bad.
Why is it that people who have never had a hysterectomy, lap, or any similiar surgery, just don't seem to get that we had major surgery?

I am thirty and had two laps, an ovary removed, and finally a TAH/BOS on October 28th. Family members act like it is not that big of a deal and minimalize the pain. I have to say there is no shortage of advice such as "you need to do something everyday", when I am a week and half post-op. I couldn't believe my aunt suggested I walk twenty minutes twice a day, when she doesn't do any walking or anything. I do take small walks, but I am recouping in the woods. She said I should walk up and down my parents driveway which is long and goes up pretty high.

The only people who say "take it easy" or "don't do too much" are women who have had the surgery or are nurses and doctors. When I explain that I am trying not to over do it I get criticized. Everyone else acts like I should be back to life as usual. Or, I am being lazy or exagerating the pain.

I have been trying to do small things. But, I totally over did it by agreeing to go on an outing with my mom. Today, I totally payed the price for over doing it. I hurt so much this morning. I think family members think by acting like the surgery is no big deal, they are being optimistic. But too me, it is insensitive.
I have decided that no one who has not gone through this has a right to tell me to "toughen up". So I am going to stop listening and will take advice only from doctors, nurses, and other women who have gone through a similiar situations.

I think I just need to vent a little. Sorry I wrote so long.
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Unread 11-08-2004, 04:33 PM
Ignore the 'ADVICE"

You poor thing! I think the only advice you should take is from you!As you said it is advice from non hysters so how would they know?If you feel tired sleep ,if you feel like a small walk do it (NO HILLS UP OR DOWN!!!! )But most of all listen to you! Give yourself time to heal you will benefit in the long run.
Unread 11-08-2004, 04:40 PM
Fed Up With Well Meaning Advice

Dear Anomis,
You did not write long. Oh vent all you want cause we are all ears. TOUGHEN UP, oh those are NOT GOOD WORDS. WE do care about you, all of you and that means the insides too.

Yes, I think I've overdone it a couple of times but always w/ my permission. I'm almost 4 weeks post-op. I wake up in the mornings especially Sat and the weather is almost PERFECT HERE. Dh and I get dressed and out the door/car we go. hadn't been to my FAVORITE of all shops, FOLEYS,(department store) and did return 2 items. Then onto a mexican food place for some lunch and it was yumm yumm good. Nearby was a different grocery store that had some special items on sale and in we went. Well, by now was getting a tad tired so I told dh he could stick a fork in me-I WAS DONE! Oh, his face fell since we were across town and near HIS STORE he wanted to exchange one of his birthday gifts is why we even headed out that way. Oh, my mind was already going I thought. I said oh of course I'll just go use the restroom while you swap things out and found a lovely SOFT chair to rest in. On the way home dh made another turn and was beginning to think WHERE we were going now. Oh, he just wanted to get me some more new "fish" for my acquarium that he had started since my coming home from the hospital. He thought they would be peaceful and restful to watch. So yes, we did go into the "fish" AKA PET STORE and got a few more. Well, let me see, WHEN DID I SAY I WAS DONE! Yep, I was one tired lady when I DID get home and was so very tired when I got up for Sunday School the next morning. Didn't make church and soon as I got home an good clothes OFF I put my night gown ON and into the BED. It almost frightened him cause I had NOT been taking naps. He fed me lunch and let me sleep as long as I wanted. SO YESSSSSSSS, listen to your body and take HEED, cause we will pay for it later. Don't listen to those that have NOT been down the same road as we have been on.

You are SO RIGHT others are CLUELESS not knowing how we FEEL. So I was BAD about doing too many things on ONE DAY. I THOUGHT AT THE TIME I WAS OK. I felt pretty good,but NOT good enough. You have a steep driveway? Don't do anything that will make it feel like it is PULLING ON YOUR INSIDES. You do NOT want anything to make even a tiny torn spot. NOTHING is worth having to go BACK INTO THE HOSPITAL AGAIN.

Yes, I've gotten sick about people telling me this,that and the other and I just smile and rub my stomach and tell them it is healing on its OWN TIME. Best healing to you. Linda S
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Unread 11-08-2004, 04:53 PM
Fed Up With Well Meaning Advice

Hello, Anomis
My name is Rendella, I had my surgery on 04 Nov, I understand how you feel, I think the advice I have been getting is to much also, especially coming from people who do not have the slightest idea what you are gong through. Hang in there and listen to your body, try to pick out the good advice and to heck with the nonsense.

Unread 11-08-2004, 06:14 PM
Fed Up With Well Meaning Advice

Start telling these people "My doctor has ordered me not to....." instead of "I am tired and can't." One is a statement, the other sounds like a choice. No once is going to argue with your doctor. (Funny though how everyone keeps wanting to argue with the patient!!)
Unread 11-08-2004, 06:19 PM
Fed Up With Well Meaning Advice

To tell you all the truth I was probably one of those women before I had this surgery myself. I did not know anyone who had one, and when my mom had hers I was in my twenties and not really paying attention! So I am one of the guilty ones - I thought "oh ya, a hysterectomy - just an operation to take out the baby factory - get over it and get on with it!" well, as we all know this is a humbling experience.

I am now very sensitive to anyone who has had this surgery - it is not a cake walk and it is not something you can "just get over" - it is emotionally draining and physically tiring. I would say to anyone who tries to tell you to just muscle up that you are going to take care of YOURSELF before anyone else and if you need to rest and relax then that is what you are going to do!!

To heck with them!

Unread 11-08-2004, 06:40 PM
Fed Up With Well Meaning Advice

Hi Anomis,

Fellow sisters said it best when they stated you only have one recovery; make it a good one by not overdoing it!

I am 7 weeks post op and spent 6 weeks doing very little; at 2 weeks I couldn't even read. After working 3 part time days last week and helping a friend witha crisis, I was absolutely exhausted over the weekend and spent most of it in the recliner.

Try to ignore insensitive advice (easier said than done) and take care of yourself. A TAH is major surgery and the body needs to recover.

Unread 11-08-2004, 06:45 PM
Fed Up With Well Meaning Advice

Natalie is right - one thing I notice on these boards is that having a hysterectomy is like having a baby - every body has a different experience - the same with menopause - everyone is having a different experience. You can only experience your feelings yourself and not let anyone dictate to you how you "should" be feeling.

Abdominal surgery is no cake walk no matter what anyone says - just go out and find websites that show surgeries and you will see that it is pretty extensive and gruesome - and at the end of it they TAKE STUFF OUT!!!!

Take it easy always!

Unread 11-08-2004, 06:51 PM
I printed out

several copys of the do's and don'ts list from this site.I gave it to everyone and that shut them up. One person still tried to give me advise and I blew up and told her that when she got her medical degree-THEN I would listen to her.
Unread 11-08-2004, 06:52 PM
Fed Up With Well Meaning Advice

You got it maria! Some folks forget that we've had body parts taken out for heaven's sake!!!!!
How some people find that "no big deal" is beyond me!


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