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DId I make a mistake? DId I make a mistake?

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Unread 11-19-2004, 08:49 AM
DId I make a mistake?

I am having a hard time with all of this. At first I was so happy to have a hysterectomy. I was having no pain and feeling great. Plus it was nice to get some attention. Now it seems different tho. I am 26 years old with one son. The holidays are here and I sit and think that this will be the last time I can atch my baby open gifts, get excited about Santa comming and all that fun stuff. I lay and cry and wonder if I could've put it off another year but I knew I couldnt. My DH was dead set against having another baby so part of my decision was that. I never realized how much I really wanted one until now its to late.
The pain is still here although its a different kind of pain that I am having. Seems that my back hurts now with this pain. I was crying for awhile over everything and I got that under control or so I thought. I cried lastnight thinking of the holidays comming. I love my son to death and I enjoy every minute I have with him.
I have also been having some bad thoughts. I think about my DH cheating if he leaves for work a minute early and I know it's stupid but I just can't get it out of my head. My ambition and energy are total gone. Takes everything I have to get a shower. I don't like to even go to the store and I use to love shopping!
The doc did put me on Prozac but the DH would'nt let me take it. He said it would make me worse. He has some friends at work that were on it and I guess they got worse. He has always tols me that if I end up in a mental hospital or anything like that he would file for a divorce. I couldn't beleive that because he is always supportive. Maybe he's scared. I just know that I am so confused and I have no one to talk to except for the wonderful people on here. I thank you SO much for all the help you have giving me.
I see the doc on Monday so maybe he can do something different. I just feel like everytime I go to him and I have something wrong he feels like I am making this stuff up. I don't tell him alot of the things going on nor do I tell my DH. I don't want them to think that I am weak and can't handle myself.
What would you do? I would really like some help. Everyone is tired of me complaing and I don't mean to its just that they expect me to jump back into it full board. I had surgery 9/22. Maybe I shold be and just being lazy. I don't lknow. I would appreciate any help you ladies could give. Thanks in advance...
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Unread 11-19-2004, 09:02 AM
DId I make a mistake?


Oh Sweetie, I am so sorry you are going through all of this. You are not lazy or a whiner. You are a strong woman who has gone through major surgery and lost her uterus at a very young age. You have every right to cry and grieve and talk about what is going on with you.

I'm sure your husband has been supportive in his own way, but the decision to go on paxil is between you and your doctor. I don't doubt for a minute that your husband DOES know people who have had problems with paxil, but that doesn't mean that YOU will. I have been on paxil for over 6 years and it has given me my life back. I feel like the person I was meant to be, happy and optimistic and full of energy. The important thing now is for you to start feeling better, and talking to your doctor was a great first step. If you don't feel good or feel good about yourself, other aspects of your life will suffer, so it's important to take care of yourself.

Unread 11-19-2004, 09:05 AM
DId I make a mistake?

I am so sorry you had to have this surgery at such a young age. That was a big decision. How old is your son? I think you need to try and get busy doing other things and get your mind off of all the sadness. Do you work outside of the home? You need to get involved in things outside of the home to make you feel like a more rounded person. Maybe a job, club, get involved in a church. I am no expert, just my persoanl advice. I can't wait to get back to work and school. (I work part time and am also taking some classes) next week I will be going back. People think it is strange that I miss going to work. Hope things get better for you! Sounds like you need a hug. Lots of days I feel like I need one too.....

It is a emotional time healing from surgery!

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Unread 11-19-2004, 09:06 AM
DId I make a mistake?


You have a LOT going on, and as many women write on this site, please be patient with yourself.

I'm 47, so I'm at a completely different stage of life. I was really happy about the hysterectomy, but have found myself crying, anxious, and exhausted.

For you, still being in your 20's, it seems absolutely normal to feel the grief over not being able to have more children. It seems absolutely normal to wonder if you made the right decision, but you don't want to spend a lot of time on that because you can't undo the decision. I never had children, but God has blessed me by bringing other people's kids into my life. If you have a desire for children, He will fulfill that--maybe just not in the way you think.

And as far as your husband and the Prozac and your fears for your marriage... Prozac is not the only anti-depressant out there. I fought the whole idea of anti-depressants, but when I got more depressed, I accepted the help. I have taken Zoloft, and it helped me get my thoughts back on track--when you're depressed, the brain chemistry doesn't always work right and your thinking can get really worried, fearful, illogical.

Please talk to your doctor! Level with him or her about what you're feeling and what's going on in your marriage. A doctor is there to treat your whole person, not just the physical. It's all connected, you know--sometimes the physical affects the emotional and vice versa.

Sending a big your way.
Unread 11-19-2004, 10:33 AM
DId I make a mistake?

I would definitely talk to your doctor about everything. Discuss yours and your husband’s fears about Prozac and maybe he can offer an alternative? You may want to ask him for a referral to a therapist for some professional help. This is a very difficult time for you and it may help you to talk to a professional that is experienced is these types of life situations. Don’t feel ashamed or afraid. You’re not alone and maybe there is even a local support group you can attend. Good luck to you, I hope you get everything you need to help you through this.
Unread 11-19-2004, 10:38 AM
DId I make a mistake?

Dear falling star -

do talk to your doctor and get some antidepressants. There are many, many different ones available - I tried several and eventually was on Welbutrin. They really worked, and after a few years, I was able to stop. Your brain chemicals can get out of whack for many reasons, and sometimes you need to jumpstart them back into working properly; sometimes then your brain will work ok on its own, other times it may need help for a long time. Either way - please get some help. You've had way too much grief and stress to deal with alone - and the meds can give you the tools to deal with all of that.

I would also strongly encourage you to get some counseling for yourself - grief counseling, etc., and also to get some marriage counseling. the issues you are dealing with are very important, and you and your DH both could benefit. If DH isn't interested, you should get some help for yourself. Sometimes it is the act of talking about what's going on and your feelings that can help to heal you.

do get help - you're in my thoughts and prayers!
Unread 11-19-2004, 11:09 AM
DId I make a mistake?

Fallingstar - I agree with the above replies. My first reaction is that you need to get some support outside of home -- you need to see a counselor or therapist, as well as try to get some anti-depressant medication. The counselor should help you over the loss of not being able to have more children (but, I had only one child, and there are many benefits, actually!), and help you deal with DH. Many counselors/therapists have sliding scale rates, if you don't have any insurance to cover this. Also, the counselor can help you find interests and ways to get social support. Local support groups (you can find them in your newspaper listings) can also help alot, if you can't afford a therapist. Please keep us updated on your progress. We're here to help and listen.
Unread 11-19-2004, 11:20 AM
DId I make a mistake?

I am on Celexa which has helped tremendously. I also see a great therapist who has helped me alot with my feelings about the hysterectomy. I wonder if your DH could go with you to an appt with your doctor to talk about the medication. Just because he knows people who had problems doesn't mean you well. Also, even if you did, there are many medications that can be very helpful. If your husband won't go with you, please go by yourself and let the doctor know what you are going through. There are many resources available for us.

Please be sure you get the care that you need. There is a big psychological component to this surgery.

Unread 11-20-2004, 12:37 AM
DId I make a mistake?

Well its 2:30 am and i am still wide awake. I had another crying spell and they seem to be getting worse. I had these problems just after my surgery and thought I was doing pretty well until a couple days ago it just hit me again.
I am going to talk to the doc about all this. I don't really think its my DH decision to make. After all I went threw the surgery, I had everything taken out, I went threw all the pain and now I am the one going threw all this.
The other thing I have found that I am dealing with is constipation. It is terrible. I take 2 stool softeners plus 2 fiber pills a day and still doesnt help. I wonder if this could be from all the emotional stuff I am going threw.
I want to thank you all for your words and your opinions. I will take them all into consideration...thanks
Unread 11-20-2004, 02:01 AM
DId I make a mistake?


I am sorry you are having problems with depression again. I think would probably happened is that you had the bout of depression immediately after surgery ( most of us have) and then you have had nothing but time on your hands and to really think about things and that brought it on again. I would talk to your doc and have him give you something to help you deal with this and please don't be ashamed. You are not weak or a whiner if you ask for these meds. I was put on Lexapro after my surgery and took it for about 4 months and it helped a lot! YOu have gone through a major surgery that has reaked havoc on your hormones.
And yes, the emotional stuff can change your bowels. If the stool softeners and veggie laxatives aren't working well, consider eating a few prunes a day or drink a glass of juice of it each day too. What helped me was a helping of pancakes with a lot of syrup====cleaned me right out!
i will be praying for your mental and spiritual recovery as well as your physical, it all goes together.
Take care and if you ever want to talk, PM me or email me anytime. As you can see, I am up kind of late too and I have to be up @730am, another cheerleader on my squad is coming over before game because her mom is working. I still can't drive yet from this adhesion pain and the meds I am on, and DH is working tmorrow so my DM is coming to take us to the game. I am one of the coaches and the girls keep wanting me to help them with stunts and showing them part of the dance they are having trouble with, but I can;t :cry:, I miss it so much!

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