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DId I make a mistake? DId I make a mistake?

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Unread 11-20-2004, 04:59 AM
the thinking

Falling star,

lots of 's

You need lots of support right now. Are you able to become a Crown Jewel and do some Journaling. There are a lot of ladies over there in the Journals that are having difficulties and talking it out really helps. Also there is a huge amount of support and kindness there. Please consider it as a way to talk about what is going on in a safe place.

I heard your strength coming out in your comment about it is not your DH's decision to make about your health. It is yours and your doctors. Depression can cause distorted thinking. It needs to be taken care of. I second guess myself all the time, and it is a very bad thing for the self-esteem and ego.

Please do what you need to do to feel better. And also consider that your DH threatening you that he will divorce you if you have any mental problems is emotional blackmail. It doesn't mean he would actually do it. Fear can keep anyone from getting help-but I can tell from your post you are courageous.

Counseling helped me in my late 20's to get my life and thoughts into a more healing mode-I had to go to a few to find the right fit-but it saved my life-it will help you too-and so will antidepressants if you need them!

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Unread 11-20-2004, 07:20 AM
DId I make a mistake?


There's a lot of wisdom offered by the women in this thread, and I'm glad you're realizing that the medication issue is not your DH's decision to make.

When I had my worst bout of depression, one of the symptoms was inability to sleep. So please talk to your doctor!

Unread 11-20-2004, 06:41 PM
DId I make a mistake?

I am also 26 years old and I had my hysterectomy this week. I have been sad a few times but happy at other times. When I get sad I try to think of how I can move on now and enjoy my life now. I am so sorry your husband is not being supportive, I pray he will come around. Maybe he is dealing with some emotional issues from all of this also. About the children, God blessed you with a wonderful son. Thank God for him every moment of every day by being the best mother you can be, even if it is to one child and not more. Who knows what God has in store for you and your family. Stay focused on the Lord!!
Hope this is some encouragement.
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Unread 11-20-2004, 07:27 PM
DId I make a mistake?

Dear Falling Star,

I am worried for you and hope that you will talk to your doctor about the way you have been feeling. Be totally honest and tell him about all of your fears and thoughts. Let him know what your DH has said about the Prozac and have him talk to DH so that he knows how much you need something to help balance your brain chemistry. When our bodies have been stressed for long periods of time the brain chemistry can get out of whack. Anti-depressants help to get things back on track.

I have been on Lexapro and Welbutrin XL for 16 months. I had many of the symptoms you describe. No energy, not being able to sleep, exhaustion, intrerest in nothing, and GUILT, lots of guilt. If you get some help to make things clearer, then talk therapy can help you come to terms with your tremendous loss at such a young age.

You need to get this help for you, your husband and your son. I wish you all the best and the strength and courage it takes to admit you need help with this.

Let us know how you are doing!

Unread 11-20-2004, 08:32 PM
DId I make a mistake?

I had my tubes tied at the age of 20 because my last son was conceived while I was on birth control pills. I never missed a single one, either...took them religiously, if you will, each morning before I even left my bedroom.

My youngest son is 16 now and there have been many times over the years where I've regretted getting that done, but I also know I couldn't have provided for another child financially and reminded myself that a child deserves better.

I met my BF a little over 9 years ago. We eventually decided to move in together and I guess it was about a year later, he started pulling this control crap on me. One of the things he said was, "If you ever cut your hair, I'll leave you".
Well, I went out the very next week and had the whole lot of it chopped off because it's what I wanted.....and he's still here.

In your original post, you said he was dead set against you having another child and he's threatened you with divorce if you end up in a mental hospital. In one way or another, these are both control issues, too. I've been in this cycle for 9 very long years and really hate to hear of someone else being there, too.
Just because you take medication does not mean you'll end up in a psych ward. Quite the opposite may be true for some people. If you don't treat the problem, it's likely not going to go away, but could possibly worsen.

You're still young and you really need to do what's best for YOU. You have a whole life ahead of you and you need to be 100% for yourself AND for your son. You also don't want to let him learn these behaviors himself.
Go get yourself straightened out whether he wants to support you or not. You owe it to yourself to be happy.

I think I've been on just about every anti-depressant out there and I'm just not a good candidate for them because I don't like taking medication. I'm also the type who wants them to work immediately and most of them take time. I never said I had the patience of a saint. I've been down about as far as anyone can go and have had to teach myself how to deal with life in other ways.
I'm still learning and I just turned 37.

I know I said it before, but it's worth saying again.....take care of YOU. The rest will work itself out either way.
Unread 11-20-2004, 09:27 PM
DId I make a mistake?


I'm so sorry you're struggling with things. I'm young, like you (28), so I do understand the shock of having this surgery so young. My husband and I don't plan to have children, but one thing I kept telling myself was that since I kept an ovary, there was always the chance that we could harvest some eggs and use a surrogate mom. Spendy, I know, but remember that there is always that option - and hey, there are lots of children that need families and love out there.

With regard to depression, I've struggled with it for a few years now. The hardest part was acknowledging that I was, in fact, depressed. At the time, I was dealing with my mom's second recurrence of cancer, my own cervical cancer scare, and planning my wedding. As my doctor explained it, what sometimes happens is that you're in an almost constant state of stress so your serotonin levels become depleted and don't have a chance to get "stored up." SSRI's help balance things out. It really helped me to accept it when I realized that it's really a physical, chemical thing. It's not that you're just "bummed out" and should be able to make yourself "snap out of it." It's a physical thing, remember that, ok?

There are many medications out there, and one of the newer ones that someone else here mentioned is one that I'm on now and that has been very effective for me. It's called Lexapro. It's same stuff the same stuff as Celexa, except that with Lexapro they've isolated the the isomer that actually treats depression, and take out the isomer that was responsible for most the side effects (nausea, sexual disfunction, etc.) I highly recommend it. I was on Celexa for a few years, and it did kill my libido, but once I switched to Lexapro, I felt like myself again. I would recommend talking to your doctor about trying it.

Hang in there, sweetie.
Unread 11-20-2004, 10:02 PM
DId I make a mistake?

I am so sorry that you are feeling the way that you are. I am 30 years old, and thankfully was blessed with 2 children. I am sorry that your DH is being the way that he is. I had a friend that was taking an anti-depressant and her husband told her to quit taking it and she did. Guess what? She is right back where she started. I have been on anti-depressants since the middle of 2000 after having a brain tumor removed. After the surgery, I went downhill. They say that the depression could have been caused either from the stress and build up the having the brain surgery and then the quick let down afterwords, or that it could be because the tumor was on the left side of my brain, and left side of your brain deals with your emotions, or that it could be just down right genetic, (seeing as how every female on my dad's side of the family has or is suffering from depression.) It took several different medication to find the one that worked for me, Celexa, Paxil, Zoloft did not work for me at all. It took a pschyiatrist to figure out what I really needed and finally they put me on Effexor XR and it made me myself again. After my hysterectomy I quit taking my meds, because I couldn't get them while I was in the hospital so I decided that I would try to come off of them, thinking that maybe it was a hormanal thing and now that that was taking care of maybe I would be alright. WRONG ANSWER!!!!!!!! I knew it and by gosh my whole family new it. Crying over everything and being the biggest witch you could imagine. So needless to say I went back on them. Don't let your DH control your life, depression left untreated can become something some much uglier and unhealthy. It is a disease, don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. My dr. said that it is the same thing as treating blood pressure or diabetes. If you had one of these you would take the meds regardless of what your DH said, right? Take care of yourself and PLEASE talk to your doctor and get some help while you still can.
Unread 12-01-2004, 09:33 PM
DId I make a mistake?

Just wanted to update..The doc put me on zoloft and I go back in a couple of weeks. So far everything has been better although still not sleeping much. I want to thank you all for your kind words. You don't know how much that meant to me!! God bless.
Unread 12-01-2004, 10:38 PM
Good for you!


I'm so proud of you for facing your fears and getting the help you and your family needed! Give the Zoloft time, my doctor said 3-4 weeks, and I did feel better slowly over that time. Be sure to take your meds at the same time each day and talk to your doctor about any adverse side effects you may have. You are on your way to a brighter outlook! Keep us posted.

Unread 12-01-2004, 11:22 PM
DId I make a mistake?

good for you for being so brave. I am so happy you are getting help I read your thread here and I was so sad to hear about your husband playing the emmotional blackmail card.... and that is what it is!!! I am 31 and am blessed to have to kids so I feel for you only having one and any one who does not have any!!! I am so glad to have the ones I have. I was so readdy to have my TAH I did not want any more kids. but that was the right decission for me. my heart goes out to you and I wanted you to know that just because you are on anti-depressants does not mean you will have to be on them forever, I was on them after I had my son, and I was on them for about a year. they I weaned my self off and have been fine since with the exception of normal depression!! any way I wish you the best. and just love your son every day cause they grow up so quick!!! and the way I look at it it gives me a reason to wait for grandkids!!! that will be when I get to spoil another one or 2 or 10 for that matter!!!!

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