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OK I don't know what is wrong with me OK I don't know what is wrong with me

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Unread 12-03-2004, 09:19 PM
OK I don't know what is wrong with me

Things are soo jumbled up with me right now. I'm soo happy that I'm depressed I think or maybe it is just everything is hitting at once. Ok here it is I'm going to spill it all.

I got approved and trained for substitute teaching since I can't do hair right now because it is too much on my feet. Christmas is here and I've bought 3 gifts for DH and 0 for the kids. OK the tree is finally up and decorated I don't know when I will start working or even if I'll get work and then to top it off I keep wanting to cry. The day seems good but then again I have a really bad cold and achy feelign all over my body that makes me extra tired. I want to be happt this is the longest I've gone in three years with no pain from a continous cycle and the longest I've gone without taking a painkiller. I have been on the Loritab blue ones for 3 years now until the wonderfull doctor put me on demerol that took away the pain then took my insides that took the rest of the pain away. I quit taking those 5 weeks after surgery and haven't taken anything other than motrin since. They took me off my Paxil when I had the heart problem and told me to deal with the panic attacks. I haven't had that many but now I want to cry all the time. I'm hoping that it is just that the holidays are being so hard this year and that I'm maybe just depressed. I don't know what is wrong with me but I wish it would go away. I know that ya'll don't want to hear me whine but I don't want to tell my DH how I feel he already is working extra jobs to pull in a little extra money. They pay the cops so much less than a person would expect. I feel bad because all of this is on him and I feel it is my fault. I hate feeling like I have a pity party going on but I keep feeling worse. It is all bottled up now and I had to let it out somehow. Thanks for listening.
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Unread 12-03-2004, 09:31 PM
OK I don't know what is wrong with me


hey, there. Its ok to vent. Don't worry about it....I am so sorry you are feeling down and depressed. That is so great of your husband to be willing to go the extra to make ends meet. I know you feel guilty about not helping, but don't. You do what you can and you will be able to help out a lot more once you are all healed and back up to 100%. In the meantime, try and find ways to cheer yourself. Maybe make a list of 50 things you are thankful for...and make sure that honey of yours and his love for you is tops on the list!

PM me if you want to talk more...I would be happy to listen to you as much as you need me to.
Unread 12-03-2004, 09:44 PM
OK I don't know what is wrong with me

Hey Sister,

I am so sorry the doctor took you off of paxil and said to just "deal with the panic attacks". What kind of dr. was he/she? General, Gyn, or Psych. They should not have taken you off of a med that you need for depression or anxiety and given you nothing to replace the med. Did they wean you off the paxil or make you stop immediatly?

Maybe you should find a different doctor to handle antidepressants and stuff.

I myself have mental health problems, I understand you do not want to worry you DH. But I know when I don't want to discuss issues with people I am close with, it is a sign that I am not doing well. But, that is your decision.

I really think you should talk to a doctor about what is going on.
I have been having a lot of saddness and depression too. I just
want you to know you are not alone. I think part of it is hormones and stuff. I am a lot weepier than usual.

Feel free to contact me by private message or email.

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Unread 12-03-2004, 10:31 PM
OK I don't know what is wrong with me

Kassie - sending s & coming to the pity party...
Your pain is gone. That, like all life changing events takes time to adjust to.
Your cold will go away soon.
The holidays are very stressful, under normal circumstances, and even more so when you are feeling so vulnerable for all you went through. They'll be gone soon too.
It's understandable that you want to feel guilty about your DH taking on an extra load, but you didn't choose for this to happen. You're still healing, you need to be kind to yourself.

AND you have the best screen name on this whole site (I love it)

(listening to every word you said)
Unread 12-04-2004, 01:04 AM
OK I don't know what is wrong with me

Be thankful that your pain is gone and of course you are not yourself, you arenot fully recovered yet and it is the holidays and your DH is working a lot and you feel guilty. You can't...you would do the same if the roles were reversed. Wake up each morning and say something positive to yourself in the mirror and take it with you each day.
Unread 12-04-2004, 07:25 AM
OK I don't know what is wrong with me

Thank you all. I know that this is a support group and that we are all here for each other. I just don't know how to deal with things at times. I was taken off the Paxil while I was in the hospital for the 16 days that I was there. The heart doctor and the Rhumatologist and another doctor agreed to remove me. They gave me another pill that I don't remember what it is but I asked them what it was for every time they gave it to me because it started out a big pill then they started cutting it down till it was half then they took it from me all together. They also gave me a really horrible tasting pill called potassium and a pill for my blood pressure and a pill that made me sleepy but they said it would keep me calm. They had me on a heart monitor the whole time and the nurses kept coming in and giving me all these pills on hardly any food. LOL I tried to call pizza hut one time for delivery and the nurses looked like they were in shock when they cought me trying to get the number and they told me that wasn't allowed in the cardiac unit. I had the heart thing come up a week after the TAH.

I am thankful for my DH who is working the extra to help out but I just can't seem to get things together. I'm going to call the doctor this morning and see if there is any possible way he can help me. I have an appt with the heart doctor on thursday and I'm going to talk to him again and hopefully he will help me since the GP won't give me anything because she missed the heart thing when I went to her I think she is a bit freaked about it all.

Thank you again

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