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Rude comments about recovery! Rude comments about recovery!

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Unread 12-12-2004, 12:09 PM
Rude comments about recovery!

I am reading all of these posts and relating. I have had no comments from friends but when I ask my kids to pick up something off the floor once in a while or get the milk out they have made comments about why I can't be bending over much. I can only assume my husband has an attitude about this recovery. He doesn't say much but I get this feeling that he thinks I am faking it or overdoing the recovery. His attitude has always been with his recoveries to just keep going. He has had small surgeries and broken bones but no major surgery like this.

I went into the surgery hoping that I wasn't over reacting. My fear was that they wouldn't find anything. When I came out I was told how much endo they found and the mess my organs were, I said "so I wasn't overreacting".

I have felt like a hypochondriac for so long with this problem. I would have days where I couldn't function and my husband would ask what I had done all day. I had more good days where I kept up with the house, kids, work, exercise,etc. I was not down in bed like a lot of people who had as much endometriosis. I think that I was helped by God a lot so I didn't have the pain that many have with the condition I was in. But I still had bad times and felt guilty if I didn't keep going. SO this whole issue gets to me. I am realizing that no one should be made to feel like a hypochondriac or fake because they are not feeling well. Most people who say that they don't feel well really don't.

I just feel angry with the way I was treated before and especially now. I just am not sure how to approach it with him. He has been upset with me and had lots of issues since my surgery. It has not been very relaxing at times but a bundle of stress. He deals with depression off and on, especially during the holidays and winter. I am usually there for him. He doesn't believe in meds and won't get help for the problem.

This is the one thing that has gotten me down this time is that I am now trying to recover from very major surgery and he is up and down in his moods. He makes me feel guilty for not doing much. I have ended up doing a couple of things that I probably shouldn't have. Nothing strenuous but I needed a load of clothing washed and needed to have the dishwasher started so I did one load of laundry and finished loading small things in the dw and ran a load. I am still trying to be the couch potato though.

I have a question about the difference between the c-section and hysterectomy. I know that organs are taken out in a hyst. but is it more painful. I have never had a c-section so I keep comparing myself to my sister-in-law's c-section. I know the recovery time for me is longer but does the taking out of organs make it more painful? Are you cut deeper with a hyst.?

Thanks for letting me vent. It has been a hard morning. Sorry this is sooo long.

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Unread 12-12-2004, 12:39 PM
Rude comments about recovery!

Boy can I relate to this post! The two "friends" I had...I THOUGHT they were like my sisters have treated me like...Oh, here she goes wanting us to feel sorry for her. The 'FRIEND" had a c-section (I had 2, and this is NOTHING like those!) actually called me and said You should be feeling better all ready...I was up walking around the next day. BLAH!
We aren't friends anymore. They haven't even called. I saw the one friend the after I got back from surgery. I am hobbling to the door all doubled over and she's like...Aren't you feeling better yet? NO I AM NOT I wanted to scream at her. Then three weeks later we had two "friends" didn't even ask how I was...they just talked amongst themselves. I don't care if I ever see them again. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS UNLESS THEY ARE LIVING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, thanks for letting me rant and rave!

Take care...I love this reminds me I AM NOT CRAZY!

Unread 12-12-2004, 12:39 PM
Rude comments about recovery!

Ray, how about...."My gyno's brother is a plastic surgeon" or...."The Mary Kay lady felt sorry for me...."

Lori, There is a link on this site to actual pictures of this surgical procedure. My dh saw them and was convinced, maybe showing them to you your dh will help him out a little. Whatever you do, don't be pressured into overdoing it. You only have one chance to recover well. I am 5 months post-op and still not takes about a year before our bodies completely heal. I went back to work at 10 weeks, but could have stayed out another 2.

My ex husband would not have been as sympathetic as my dh....I had my gall bladder removed and he gave me like, a DAY to recover--and my children were 3 and 4 at the time. He also got "sick" at the same time and made me take care of him while I was recovering and taking care of the kids.

Hopefully, your dh will see the him those pictures....maybe another dear sister will have the link.

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Unread 12-12-2004, 01:23 PM
c/s vs. tah bso

hi girls, can you please tell me how does a tahbso compare to a c/section. i did not have c/sections when i had my kids, i am 46 years old. never had a h/o gyn probs. myovarian mass was an incidental finding during stomach testing. i was still getting regular periods every 4 weeks, etc. i was put in within a week of the dx for a tahbso to r/o ovarian cancer. it was totally unexpected. i had just completed a 3rd surgery on my scalp for skin cancer. after the tahbso i was very very sick from the anesthesia. they kept me in the hospital an extra day. i went home for 2 days, then back in with fever, treated for severe dehydration and probable infection of the vaginal cuff. they think i may have bled inside from all the vomiting and wretching after surgery. i was so dehydrated i needed 3 bags of potassium thru the iv, which hurt like hell. 1 month later i was having new pain in my stomach, went for a ct scan and sent right to the ER, admitted again for a pelvic abscess/hematoma. talk of reopening me, etc. was treated with antibiotics thru iv for 2 days and sent home for 2 weeks on oral meds. then had a procedure thru my backside with the help of the ct scan machine to try and drain the hematoma. could not drain but sent sample out for path. 2 weeks later, i was told i had a severe infection that was resistant to all the other antibiotics i had been on, which made me sick to my stomach. at this point i was having symptoms of IBS, bleeding rectally from fissures, etc. was put on cipro for 2 more weeks. tah bso was 7/1/04, now we are already into 9/04. then i go for mammo/sono, diagnosed with suspicious abnormalities, needed core biopsies/aspirations in both breasts. i did go back to work 9 weeks after the original surgery but probably should have stayed home longer. i still get swelly belly, burning, soreness after a long day. back to my original question, how does this compare to c/s . everyone seems to minimize what i went thru by saying oh, its just like having a c/section. i'm still trying to deal with meno symptoms, i'm on premarin .9mg 1x day, having trouble with insomnia. thank god all path. benign and i will live to tell my stories, but i have to tell you, i still cannot believe i had such major surgery. and it is. its been 5 months and i'm still in some kind of denial. i never expected it. i feel as tho i have been
sucker-punched and it really does take many months to feel better. i am not lazy and i am not a baby. but this one really kicked my butt!!!!!!
Unread 12-12-2004, 01:24 PM
Rude comments about recovery!

I'm not a princess yet, just a lady in waiting, but you know how you notice things more when it pertains to you than you did before? Most of the articles I read when researching having the hysterectomy said that the majority are "elective" due to heavy bleeding. Elective?!?!?! Yeah right. Most of the writers didn't mention the other problems that also indicate having the surgery done.

I think that there is a general attitude "out there" that having this procedure is along the lines of lipo, or a facelift. My doctor told me that in the last 20 years, since docs are more willing to do hysterectomies, the incidence of uterine and cervical cancer has dropped by about 80%, so clearly just "living with it" is dangerous.

Dear Abby had the right response to remarks such as that: "Why would you say such a thing?", smile, and then walk away. Let them be the one who gapes like a fish.
Unread 12-12-2004, 05:04 PM
Rude comments about recovery!


Wow you have been through a lot! Glad to your path stuff was cancer free...mine was, too.

You know when I started having troubles which was....when I was 16 FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE.../then people thought I was crazy...I couldn't go places when it was THAT TIME because I bled so bad I would go through a tampon and a pad in like 20 minutes! Anyway, to say this surgery is elective...OH MY GOSH. I know people say that or at least they look at me like Gee I wish I could have a hysterectomy. I debated this thing FOR SEVEN YEARS! I did not want to do this. However this summer the pain became so unbearable that it was worse than any labor I had with my children. My CA-125 blood test that I took THREE times was high. I am so thankful to God that I do not have ovarian cancer and that now I don't have to plan my life around my period. It's amazing how women just don't understand.

Unread 12-12-2004, 05:21 PM
thanks les

hey, thanks for understanding. you would think women would be more sympathetic. most women would not want to go thru this kind of surgery themselves. when the surgeon first explained it to my husband and i, i felt my hubby wasn't getting it. i kept saying, "but you dont understand", "this is a major surgery for a woman". i dont think people really get it. it is so physical and emotional. its MAJOR!!!!!

i noticed you are in missouri. my youngest sister lives in o'fallon and my mom is in the process of relocating there from here (long island, ny). she is having a house built in o'fallon. my brother in law is from st. charles. we have been out that way a few times.

stay well. thanks for listening and caring. thanks for taking the time to write. sometimes you feel so alone in what youare feeling. i do not have any friends or family that have had this procedure. i have noone to talk to. this site really helps and nice people like yourself.

happy holidays.
Unread 12-12-2004, 05:29 PM
Rude comments about recovery!

Hi, Deb! I have heard of O'fallon but never been there. We are about 5 hours from St. Charles. I live north of Kansas City about an hour and a half!

You live in my dream area...a few years ago my Mom and I made our way to Manhatten. It was a dream come true for me. I loved it! My father in law tells me that New York state is beautiful.

It is so hard...we did have major surgery and I really don't know what I'd do without this website. I have learned SO MUCH here! And the support I receive is invaluable. I feel so alone at times. I never expected that with this surgery. What keeps me going is my faith in God and knowing that I am so blessed not to have anything else wrong with me! I have several friends suffering with breast cancer and lost two dear friends last year to cancer one of them just 22 years old. I am grateful that this is all I'm dealing with!

You take care and feel free to e-mail me anytime. I love to "visit"!

Talk to you later,
Unread 12-12-2004, 08:07 PM
letsrock, you're the best

hey you, thanks for the email. you sound so upbeat and positive, i love it. you are absolutely right, thank god , we both have ended up okay. our situations could really have gone a whole other direction. i , too, see way too much. iwork in a doctors office, ob/gyn. i see some really sad stuff. so much breast cancer lately, its very scarey. it doesn't seem to matter any more whether or not there is a family history, or the patients age, etc. no one is safe. i am so sorry to hear about your friends. our family has been hit with different cancers, brain, stomach, etc. its a terrible disease.

i try to stay as healthy as possible. i try to exercise some. i take my vitamins, etc. and i thank god everyday that i have been so fortunate. i feel i have been spared something far worse.

i, too, love manhattan. sometimes on a saturday my husband and i will just hop on the train, we dont live far, we could easily drive, but its fun to take a train ride in. my hubby says i'm a cheap date. a train ride and a pretzel, i'm a happy woman!! we usually just walk around, have lunch, watch the street performers. its a great place. so full of life. its incredible. not too many other places like it. whenever my sister and her family come for a visit we always go in . they love it too. recent trip we took them in to see the 9/11 memorials. so sad. that day rocked the world. it was very scarey here. my husband works right near there and was greatly affected by what he had seen.
life, you just never know.

be glad for every day you get up on your own two feet!!!! take a nice breath and be thankful for all you've got!!!!! i am.

stay well, and you're right "let's rock"!!!!!!!!
Unread 12-12-2004, 10:09 PM
a changed life in more ways than one...

In that my life changed for the postive in oh so many ways after my surgery, another way it changed is the way I view some people differently: family, co-workers, neighbors. I mean, it was a clarifying experience to say the least. A bit painful at times, but very clarifying.

I did not receive outright rude comments, but I did get a few comments like, "wish I had the time off you are having". Oh, yeah. It was such a hoot...duh. Most of the "rude" came in being totally ignored.

I learned the depth of in-laws, family, so-called "friends" and neighbors value-ing of me and my illness. The lack of calls, lack of interest, just plain disregard was shocking and hurt me very much. When I returned to work the total disregard of what I had been through was amplified. I even had one co-worker bluntly let me know that she resented my absence. Some did not even know I was gone for 8 weeks! Not one of them asked how I was feeling or said they were glad I was back. I've gotten not one shred of "slack" cut to me on the workload either...I'm expected to perform at 100% and if I cannot, I am pressured to do more.

(I am looking for a new job after the holidays...can't take it any more)

Family...much the same with the majority of them. Everyone is too darn busy to even call, asked how the surgery was, bother to find out why I even had the surgery. Now at Christmas I really could care less about gift exchange or partying with most of all feels so empty and meaningless. Same with work...I did not attend the Christmas party. I'd rather sit home and watch Christmas movies and be thankful for "new life" within...the true meaning of Christmas anyway.

I found 2 neighbors to be very caring. People I've known less than a year or two. 2 ladies that work in a restaurant I frequent...very sweet and supportive and constantly attentive. And of course, the Hyster Sisters. I'd rather have one friend like any of you than 25 others like I've mentioned that did not even bother to call...not even say "how are you doing? etc."

I am not holding grudges, resentments, etc. (not any more). I just don't want to waste my precious time on this earth with people who are so shallow and don't value each other. I feel nothing for them anymore.

Does that make me a small, petty person as well? I hope not...that is not my intention. My only intention at this point in my life is to be genuine with people and to be around positive, caring people who value friendships. And to reach out to people and be more conscious of their needs because I know what it is like to be sick, isolated, lonely, hurting, and ignored in my time of need.

Like I said, my life changed in more ways than one. There's no going back for me. Better to be alone with a new found self than to be alone with a bunch of shallow "friends".

End of you all!


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