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low libido - any advise? low libido - any advise?

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Unread 12-17-2004, 06:23 AM
the libido

I have felt a lot like that in the past-my DH has always complained that I am not as "gung-**" as him. But it is a terrible thing to me to have no sex drive and to have difficulty with arousal. I bought a book by Ian Werner called "She Comes First" that is for men to read that explains the female parts and kind of a technical "how to" book.

And I also went to a compounding pharmacist, talked to them about finding a doc that works with those. I am trying testosterone cream and finding that it is helping my libido. I don't think it is good to have a whole area of my body and my life closed off-it isn't fair to me and not fair to my DH. If the intimacy is off and the sexual responses are off, then I want to do everything I can to see what can be done. I don't believe it is in my head-I really think it is hormonal-and physical.

And we are having fun trying to get things working

I have found in the past it was a lot easier to get turned on when the DH helped around the house, with the kids, etc. It made me feel more in the mood when I didn't have so many things on my mind.

's to all of you-a lot more needs to be researched and done for the surgically menopausal women, and women in general about their sexual lives.
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Unread 12-17-2004, 03:09 PM
low libido - any advise?

I'm not sure which is worse,women with low libido or husband with low libido. My libido shot up when I turned 40,many of my friends have found that too.Maybe its cos the kids are less demanding,and you get some moments of peace for yourselves.I had a revamp as well, got rid of the permed hair- short,streaks,threw out the baggy clothes I used to wear to hide bum, and made an effort to look more attractive.Also started going dancing with friends, drinking only water, dancing in the pubs,great for the figure.All this worked for me, but now my man is a bit of a homebody!! He lacks the animal urges so in a couple of weeks I'll be working on revving up his libido. Any ideas?
Unread 12-18-2004, 08:44 PM
low libido - any advise?

Bunnynose, JFA40 & others,

Gosh! I have the low labido, but that's not the main deal for me not wanting to have sex. It's just from the surgery. In fact, I really love sex when all is working right and want it just as much as he does. I am currently engaged and will be married in February. One of the main great things about our relationship has been our sex lives. I feel sexy around him he makes me feel great!

However, to those of you that haven't had it in months or do not want it at all, like Bunnynose, for example....I WAS YOU!!! I was married before and we would go months without having sex and I always found it to be my chore! I really disliked it and felt it wasn't something I wanted to do. After much soul searching, I discovered what it was! Yes, it was the busy life and taking care of this or that...but it was a sign that I wasn't happy in my relationship at all and other things needed to be fixed before I could fix my sex life! I mean...who wants to have sex if the relationship itself isn't fullfilling, or if you feel as though you work hard taking care of the kids, working, taking care of the bills, etc. but aren't getting any respect or help in return! So, moral of the story...this resulted in a divorce! Sadly! Yes, I am now newly engaged and fairly happy, but the divorce haunts me every day! There are so many years you invest in a relationship and then to screw it up...it's tough!

So, my advise to you is...read books! Get couseling! Do what you need to do to cure YOU first (meaning yourself and your DH and your relationship!). Does this mean him helping out more with the kids or helping make dinner? I dunno! But, "Sex begins in the Kitchen!" (I read this book once!). If you're not happy in the kitchen, so to speak, you will never be happy or wanting to have sex!

Another thing I wish I would've tried when I was married before...kiss him for 10 to 15 seconds straight. Wear something to make yourself feel sexy. Wear nothing to bed and just "spoon with him!" These little things will make you feel warm, loved and "reved up!" Maybe YOU can set an example of how a great sex life can be....not him!

And oh, yes...I remembered these things the last few days when I was concerned about the low libido and tried them out myself again! Needless to say, we had great love making sessions in less than 24 hours and I'm looking forward to at least 1 more by the end of the weekend!

Empower yourself and your marriage and you will eventually empower your sex life! Again, take it from someone who had to learn the hard way! Once the sex goes, it's a sign that there's trouble in your every day life in general! Get help now before you're another statistic like I am!
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Unread 12-18-2004, 09:14 PM
low libido - any advise?

Thanks Ms. Melanie for your insight in the matter! I am nearing the 6 week mark on Monday and over did it last Thursday and is back on the vicodin. I have been laying around making him do more errands lately. He is extremely affectionate and can't wait for the green light. Sure he is nice now because he wants to be on my good side when I feel up to the challenge of sex.

We have had a bout of divorce thoughts in October and most of November and have been in a reconcile over it the past few weeks. He had a "revelation" and wants to change his ways. Great, but I still weary about letting him back in the norm.
I enjoy him helping out and taking care of things but is it temporary? I won't know for some time. I have about 3 weeks of time off left and would love to stay home longer, I worry that the monster will come out and complain I don't contribute $ and that I will think he is made of it.

Before I go on a woe is me rant I should just cut out now.
Thanks again for the support!
Unread 12-20-2004, 09:42 PM
low libido - any advise?


Well, you're welcome for the support. Believe me, relationships are all much work! After my marriage, I thought it wouldn't be as hard. But, believe me, now that I'm in this relationship, it is still a lot of work. I give you much thought and "good energy" in getting your love life/personal life worked out. Especially with 5 girls! They really need you. They say that all marriages go through a death and then a rebirth. I wish that I would've stuck around for the rebirth rather than bailing out.

Take care!!!
Unread 12-20-2004, 10:50 PM
low libido - any advise?

I'm glad to find that someone else broached this subject!
bottom line, don't let your libido get away. Hunt it down and make it submit to you. I mean my 6th week doctor's appt. is looming in the headlights and I was wondering myself if I would (a) ever feel anything below the waistline again (geesh even "good" books wasn't making anything twitch) and (b) if suddenly a fairy would appear and wave her magic wand and suddenly I'd be the Tasmanian Devil of Libidinous Love again, like i was before the surgery, because in all honesty if something wasn't done, I didn't know how i would service the hubby in the way that he has grown accustomed to prior to the surgery. So I found on this message board the concept of "outercourse" and suddenly I wasn't afraid to try anything to kick start the fires. (i've only been married a year and I'm 39 - I am way young to hang up my libido). So today, a friend took me to an adult store and we found ... marital aids :LOL: ... Guess what sisters? My libido isn't an issue, it was just a matter of finding the right tool for the job.

Post op we are squeamish to even investigate below the incision line, but eventually curiousity will get you. I suggest you make friends with your new improved body and have faith it will know what to do. Merry Christmas Princesses!
Unread 12-20-2004, 11:32 PM

Hey ya'll,

So glad there's a place to talk about this stuff. I had almost no libido for the year before the surgery. Surprisingly, less than two weeks after the surgery, I felt...*****! One night, my DH and I just sat on the couch and smooched like a couple of teenagers in the backseat of an old Chevy! It was great. It was like, the fact we couldn't do much else made it more fun or something! I had always had fantastic orgasms though cervical stimulation, so was worried if I'd have good ones now that I don't have a cervix. Oh, yeah! I was so thrilled.

I have my six week checkup on the 28th. We are looking forward to trying things out, although we aren't in a huge rush. The kissing and cuddling thing is such a blast! What luck to have a man who likes it, too!

TAH 11/17/04
Unread 12-21-2004, 08:10 AM
low libido - any advise?

I am beginning to discover post op, that the trick to getting or keeping your libido is to USE it! The longer I go without, the less I want it, but if I make myself respond, and make myself respond more often, I'm finding that my desire actually increases! My response has improved too....now, its a matter of getting my DH to go from 1X a week to 3X! Often I go into it not really feeling much like it, but once we start, I can get jump started. It's important to a marriage to keep those fires burning.

I am convinced that my low libido is because of my surgery, my uterus used to have a large part in my orgasms, but I am accepting that although they are differnt, they arent gone and I'm also learning to accept my body as it is now, scar and all. Surgery was and is a HUGE change and an adjustment. It's been only 6 months.....I am still healing both physically and emotionally. Healing takes time and understanding.
Unread 12-22-2004, 12:20 PM

Hi sisters, I have been so depressed since my surgery (6/24/04). My sex drive is nothing like it used to be pre-surgery. I find that my stamina is weak and my body sensitivity is diminished. I used to get so excited when my he would touch me, now I can only stand a few short minutes of touching and I now demand a lighter touch. It is a big disappointment from the way things were before. He's very loving and understanding (17 years of marriage), but I'm not.

I thought that once we didn't have to worry about my problems and getting pregnant, it would become a playground. All that has happened is that my playground equipment is rusty.

I miss my orgasms. They used to be so intense, now its like riding to the top of the hill on a roller coaster, and finding that the big drop is only a small hill.

Help sisters!!! What's up with the testosterone cream I'm hearing about? Is it a prescription? How is it used?
Unread 12-22-2004, 04:32 PM
low libido - any advise?


I'm reading a book the testosterone syndrome from the resoures on this site and it has a whole chapter about testosterone and estrogen benifits. How testosterone is the sex drive in both men and women!! Women just use less then men.

You need to find a compounding pharmacist to find a doctor that will give you the testosterone cream.
For more information go to the hormone jungle and look up low libido you can find a link to find a pharmacist there.

"find a compounding pharmacist by using the locator feature of this site: http://www.iacprx.org

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