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Besides losing your uterus, etc., how have you changed? Besides losing your uterus, etc., how have you changed?

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Unread 12-19-2004, 09:39 PM
Besides losing your uterus, etc., how have you changed?

I told a friend of mine the other day, "I am not the same person that I was before my surgery." She wanted to know what I meant, but it was hard to find the words. I've been thinking about this since...I see this change in how I am approaching the holidays, issues at work, my own struggles with recovery.

It's like I feel an intense sensitivity regarding priorities. And by that I mean that things that were important to me before the surgery don't seem all that important now. I am no longer willing to "put up" with things that before controlled my life. I feel free I can see a new perspective.

I am putting my health first from now on. For me, that means I stand my ground about going on "light duty" at work for the next 3 weeks. They are not going to be "happy campers", but they'll have to live with it. I've spent the last 6 weeks trying to carry the impossible load at work and now having a major set back in my recovery. Doc says "no more over doing!"

I am able to say "no" and not feel guilty: my DH went to family Christmas without me today because I have had so much back pain that I've been back on meds, lying on the floor, and using hot packs and Icy Hot. I just said "no" and it was ok. Got a plate of food brought back to me...nice phone calls wishing me well...the world did not end because I needed to rest. I spent the day in solitude (me and my dogs), watching the Christmas tree lights and watching old movies on TV. It was wonderful.

I am looking for another job and am willing to take a cut in pay. Money is not the point anymore. Living simply, happily, and healthily IS the point. Enjoying my life, not enduring it. Material things are just that: "things". Only if they bring me some inner pleasure, enlightenment, satisfaction, use are they worth purchasing, maintaining, messing with. Otherwise, I'd rather use my money to travel or to do something positive for someone else.

I've cut up my credit cards: spending is no longer a hobby. Reading, watching nature, listening to people, building relationships, noticing the daily joys...those are priorities over money matters, rushing about in a frenzy, being "busy/dizzy". Done with that insane, meaningless, shopping behavior. Better to curl up in the corner with a good book that I've been meaning to read for years and years.

Ambitions? I have only live well each day and never, ever take any of it for granted. Time is precious, friends and family are precious, my health is precious. The rest means nothing.

I've learned from my recovery that I only have 2 things (besides loved ones) that I cannot get back if I choose to waste them: 1) my health, 2) my time. I am viciously protecting both of them from now on. If those are threatened, I won't go there.

I believe God led me to these realizations while I was recovering those 8 weeks...all alone, time to reflect, etc. I've changed and I like the "new me"! Just wanted to share and offer the forum for your own sharing of how it's been for you.

Now the tough part (at least for me) is to go and live the changes...a real challenge in itself.

Happy Holidays to you all!

Love and

Deb in Ohio
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Unread 12-19-2004, 10:06 PM
true, true

It is true that you do feel differently after surgery, and each morning I thank God I'm alive! Even though I do have complications that might need surgery down the road I am trying to enjoy each day.
Good luck and God bless to you on your new goals!
Unread 12-19-2004, 10:27 PM
Besides losing your uterus, etc., how have you changed?

Hi Deb
This is your sister from down the road a few miles. I feel the exact way you do. The things I thought were so important before my surgery really are not. I have also learnt to not take my health for granted. I almost waited too long and probably would have died within a few months. I thought life would not go on at home if I had to take off of work.We are way behind on bills now, because of my 2 surgeries, but life will go on. I am probably facing another surgery now( diagnosed with a moderate rectocele and enterocele last Fri.), but this time I am thinking enough of myself to do everything necessary for a good and complete recovery. Bills will always be there and if I lose my van, so what. I can always replace material things if need be. I too would rather read a good book or go for a walk than to go shopping. Material things just don't mean much too me anymore. My family, friends and my health are the most important things to me now. I think the surgery helped me put a perspective on life and find what things mean the most to me.
I think I like the new me much better than the old one. Too bad it took a major surgery to help me realize all of this. We have to put God in our hearts and life and know things will always work out. Live each day to the fullest because tomorrow is not promised to us.
Thanks for the topic Deb. From time to time I do stop and think about how different I feel since the surgery. It doesn't even bother me to know I am probably facing a third surgery this year. I feel blessed to be alive and living here on this earth.


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Unread 12-19-2004, 11:47 PM
Uplifting Message

Thank you for posting your uplifting messages. I am pre-op, scheduled for this Wednesday. I have to admit that I am hopeful that I will follow in your footsteps. The changes you mentioned sound wonderful. I'm sure as time moves on, you'll look back and not even recognize the person you once were.

It always amazes me that it takes such tragic or stressful events to make us look at ourselves with objectivity and to look at our place in the world and it's significance.

At the moment, I'm who you once were... Wondering how in the world will my family function if I'm not there to do every little thing and spending my days before surgery trying to accomplish everything on an impossible To-Do list. A good book sounds wonderful at this point.

If I learn nothing more than to take better care of my health from this adventure, then I'll have learned a valuable lesson. I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason in God's big picture. There are things to learn and grow from in all this....our mission is to find out what & how. You ladies seem to be on the right path. I think I'll start looking for the entrance to that secluded path.....Thanks for passing on your "words of wisdom".

Happy Holidays, Cndrella
Unread 12-20-2004, 12:02 AM
Besides losing your uterus, etc., how have you changed?

So it's not just me. I too have been feeling that this is a turning point in my life and have been thinking on a different level.

I was putting it down to the fact that for the first time in I don't know how many years I have been able to (or that should be HAVE to) just relax and not worry about work, the house, the family or all those other commintments I have, that I had more time to think about life and the direction it's taking.

Thanks for making me feel that I'm not alone
Unread 12-20-2004, 05:23 AM
Besides losing your uterus, etc., how have you changed?

I find myself sharing many of your feelings as well.

Having to really STOP to recover has been a blessing in disguise... an incredible learning experience.

At first it frightened me w/the feelings of dependency etc, as I've always been the 1 to just tough-it-out & work-thru-it when not feeling well etc.

This has turned into such an important time to re-connect w/myself and re-think some priorities -

let's hear it for new beginnings!
Unread 12-20-2004, 06:01 AM
Besides losing your uterus, etc., how have you changed?

I really glad I read your message, I
feel similar. At the moment (you may laugh)
I feel really young (at 37!) like it's all beginning
again for me and I'm untried and so sensitive!
Daft adverts, christmas carols and I'm off crying
like a big baby!
But it's good-I feel alive!
Unread 12-20-2004, 06:47 AM
Besides losing your uterus, etc., how have you changed?

I agree wholeheartedly with you that we are not the same physically, mentally, or emotionally. Physically, I am not recovered yet and have some new issues that have come about since surgery, Cystoscopy Tuesday, Ultrasound of left breast Wednesday. Maybe these were things that were there brewing and if I hadn't had the surgery I might not have found them. I believe now that they will be fixed and turn out alright.

I sit and look at all the bottles of pills on the countertop and say to myself" My God, I've become my Mother!" But then my DH says to me " I'll keep ya even if you turn into her!" I have learned that he is truly the love of my life and the support that I look for (other than my Faith in God) every day. I have developed a new respect and appreciation for him. Our daughter lives 3 states away and it has always been he and I for the last 12 years and when you have your own business and work together 24/7/365 sometimes you don't take the time to really look at them. He says that his main goal now is to make me well, so that I can go back to being with him at the track. I miss being with him and being bossy.

I have also learned not to judge others. I have made some rash judgements about a couple of people that I truly regret and hope I get the chance to make it right.

I also learned not to worry about what others think of us, maybe we don't have a new truck & trailer like most of the others but I bet they argue over money every month after those payments!! I appreciate more what I have.

Most of all, I have learned that life, any life, and anyone's life is precious and worth something or God would not have taken the time to put them here!! Stop and watch the snowflakes, see the wonder about you and Give Praise and Thanks for the day you are in!!
Unread 12-20-2004, 07:12 AM
Besides losing your uterus, etc., how have you changed?

This is a great topic to post! I have had a very stressful recovery, I feel great physically but mentally I have had a lot going on. I have alot of the same rational I have read here, what is really important? It is being here with a sense of peace and happiness in your heart. We tend to get caught up in the world, our reactions to issues at times are not pleasant, but we are human which means we are not perfect. I used to always say, I really am not a mean person - it is other people that make me mean by things they say or do. It is only natural to react, pleasant or not.

My surgery has brought me closer to my husband, who was always my soulmate, brought me closer to motherhood with my boys even though they are in their twenties, and closer to my faith and believing that God will protect and keep me for his plan.
I still have to be medically evaluated to find out what exactly was on my ovary, the doctors are baffled. But I have realized I have to snap out of it, get rid of the anxiety and live each day worry free.

I had my family over the other night for a christmas gathering. I called each of them personally to invite them. I have a large family of 7 brothers and sisters. We have had alot of ill feelings in the last 5 years since my parents are both deceased. Most all showed up and it was a great event having us all together again. It was one of the things I promised myself I was going to do in an effort not to take anyone for granted anymore.

I am happy inside myself, more than I have ever been and have realized just because I have always been the one to do everything at work or at home, it is time to change that and live alittle.
I hope all of you have a glorious holiday and I pray 2005 will be the best year ever for us all.
Unread 12-20-2004, 08:25 AM
Besides losing your uterus, etc., how have you changed?

My view point has changed most definately.
I am less sympathetic - yes that's right less sympathetic.
I want to tell those that whine and whinge at the slightest opportunity to buck their ideas up and get on with life.
I want to tell people that they are lucky just to be alive and how fragile our grip on mortality really is.

I dropped into work to tell my colleagues the "good news" that I will be back as of Jan 4th and the girl who has tried so hard to be me, even as far a copying me getting pregnant, was there.
She wanted to tell me about her aches and pains and before hand I would have stood and listened oh'ed and ah'ed in all the right places. Now, well, I simply told her she was [naughty word] lucky to be pregnant anyway and left!

I am also more expressive. I am much more likely to say what I think and not waste time with trivial matters.
one line I have heard myself use more than once is "oh, really that's nice, but anyway moving on..."

I possibly have a greater self esteem and more confidence to ask for what I want and to achieve what I want.

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