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My first emotional meltdown :( My first emotional meltdown :(

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  #1  
Unread 12-21-2004, 07:11 PM
My first emotional meltdown :(

First let me thank everyone who makes this site possible and apologize for using my very first post to whine a little bit, BUT....

I finally cracked today. Emotionally, I have felt prepared for my surgery and its' afftereffects since I found out I was having a hysterectomy. I thought that I might be fooling myself about being so ready for it and I was sort of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Well, it dropped today...right on my husband. (no permanent damage done)

My surgery was last Monday (TVH) and my DH has been home with me and our three young boys every day since then. (His work schedule is such that he is off a lot during the Fall/Winter and works more during the warmer months.) He has tried his best to keep the house and kids how I usually have them and he has been really supportive. Today, his work called and my DH accepted a job for the next two days...twelve hours each day. (this would mean leaving at about 6:15 a.m. and returning home at about 8:00 p.m.) I proceeded to have a break down of huge proportions, which finally left me sobbing alone in my bed for about an hour. I don't know what had me so upset...Him leaving for two days? Feeling like he was abandoning me when I still need him? Feeling like work was more important than getting me healthy? My husband relented and called his boss back, turning down the job. Now I feel guilty and stupid for making such a fuss about it.

I guess my question, if I have one, is this. Does anyone else feel guilty for needing time to recooperate? I feel like people expect me to be up and around and I am trying to follow doctor's orders. I am already doing work around the house that I probably shouldn't be doing, but I don't know how to get past the guilt. Not to mention the 3 boys at my heels with constant "mommy" requests.

I think my hormones are in quite a state of shock. ("Where is the uterus?! Where is the uterus?!) Today I have felt sad, mad, happy...run the gammet. I hope this emotional roller coaster stops soon.

Does anyone else feel this way?? Thanks for listening.

~Anne
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  #2  
Unread 12-21-2004, 07:32 PM
My first emotional meltdown :(

Hello Anne, and

We're so happy you joined the Hyster Sisters community! You have undergone major surgery, which requires a significant recovery time. Please do not feel inadequate or guilty for adhering to "doctor's orders." In the long run, by doing so, you are doing what's best for you and your family!

Do you have any relatives who could come to help you care for your children, or invite the kids to come stay at their house for a few days? You need to take care of yourself and recover. Speak up and ask, if no one is volunteeringi! No one will think less of you. Most people enjoy being helpful to others, if they are aware assistance is needed. I'm sending positive thoughts your way!

Many s to You!
  #3  
Unread 12-21-2004, 07:44 PM
My first emotional meltdown :(

Hello Anne
Isn't great that we have a site like this where we can whine if we want to - much better than keeping it up inside you.
I agree with Carmen - try and get some friends or relatives to give you a hand if thats possible . Don't worry if the house isn't as neat as you're used to it being. I learnt that one very quickly - my DH has been wonderful but guys don't seem to see the dust etc that we notice. And be kind to yourself as you've had major surgery and want to recover as soon as possible and as well as possible.

Take care

Glenys
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  #4  
Unread 12-21-2004, 09:48 PM
My first emotional meltdown :(

Thank you for trying to give me a better outlook. This is such a great place to hear from other women who are in the same boat as me. I am feeling much better now, which might mean that I could break into hysterics at any minute. LOL

I used to think of teenage boys when I heard the term "raging hormones"...now I just have to look in the mirror! :hair: My hormones were always out of whack before, but now I'm afraid they've gone on strike.

Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone.


~Anne
  #5  
Unread 12-21-2004, 10:43 PM
My first emotional meltdown :(

It sounds to me like your DH is very supportive and is willing to drop anything to help you out. Even turning down jobs to assist you. That is something to be thankful for.

I felt extremely guilty too. My husband works 10-12 hour days on a regular basis and I hate to put more on his plate. But we discussed all this before my surgery and he knew that I needed him to kick into high gear. He made sure his partners at work knew that he will be taking some extra time off over the next month. I prepared my kids (13 and 11) that they will be needing to get off their butts and pitch in. :winkie:

I think if you keep the lines of communication open and express your needs to your family, things will be okay.

If someone outside the family offers to help out, take the help! I am not sure how old your kids are but even five year olds can learn to fold laundry!

I hope things work out for you and don't worry about the meltdown, I have had a few over the past month!

HUGS,
Sarah
  #6  
Unread 12-22-2004, 01:33 AM
My first emotional meltdown :(

We have the same surgery date. I had a super meltdown as well. For some reason I feel like I have had a miscarriage and have been totally flipped out about it. I didn't even want anymore children, so I had no idea it would effect me like this.

I had a TVH and stayed less than 24 hours total in the hospital. Things went well, and pain level is low. I have been off pain meds totally for a few days. Today was a bit worse, swelly belly is worse. As is my need to cry, or mourn. My doctor did prepare me that hormone changes that might take place now that the 9 pound baby sized uterus and adenomyoma tumor and pre-cancerous cervix are gone. I did get to keep my ovaries, so I am sure things will straighten out soon. If not, he said I could opt for short term HRT to help out. I don't want to do that, but I also need to find some sanity with this experience. Considering how sick I have been before the surgery, I would have thought I would be more grateful to have that mess out of me. I am grateful there was no cancer in the tumor. Sooo.....Maybe another week will make things better for both of us.

Please don't overdo yourself. And know, you definately are not alone in your feelings.
  #7  
Unread 12-22-2004, 01:58 AM
My first emotional meltdown :(

Thank you all so much. It means so much to me to have other people who understand what I am feeling.

Like you, Honeybean, I wasn't even planning on having anymore kids. I wasn't prepared to get too emotional about the surgery, or the loss of my uterus. (It was always causing me problems anyway...lol) My pain has been really inconsistent and I'm never sure if it's going to be a "sore" day, or not. I know it's only been a week, but I just feel like I should have more control over my feelings about this. I didn't really discuss the hormone fluctuation immediately following the surgery with my Dr. and I think I was fooling myself about how prepared I was. I am so happy and grateful to have the surgery finished and I am very optimistic that it will provide me with some relief in the future. I have no regrets about the surgery...I guess I just wish I would have seen the waves of sadness/anger/emptiness coming. I have been caught so off guard. It's a feeling of loss (I guess ) that I didn't expect.

I'm just hanging on for the ride and looking forward to being healthy and happy! Hopefully we'll be there soon.
  #8  
Unread 12-22-2004, 05:52 AM
My first emotional meltdown :(

Hi Anne,
I read your post. Boy, we women are surely a different breed, aren't we? I think it's a gene we all have for feeling the need to think not of ourselves, making sure things are always in order, regardless of how we are feeling and what our needs are. Let me say that nobody makes us feel that way, it's just something women do.

Your emotional "breakdown" was justified. My husband stayed home with me for quite a few days after my surgery, but when it came time for him to go to work, I cried. I didn't want him to feel guilty and not go, but at the same time, I still needed him. Catch 22.

My mother came for a visit the day after my surgery and I felt the need to clean my house before she came! How "NUTS" is that!!! Nonetheless, I got scolded for that by DH.

So, now, my house is a mess, kitchen floor needs cleaning, etc., etc.,. My husband does as much as he can before he goes to work and after he gets home (dinner cooked, dishes done, laundry....) which is a great help. My children are at college, but if I had small ones at home, I would have a greater concern. So, I know how overwhelmed you must feel. Please ask friends and family for help if you need it. You may be surprised with how many people will be happy to help.
I wish you the best.

One thing I won't feel guilty about.......I didn't have to do any CHRISTMAS SHOPPING this year!!
  #9  
Unread 12-22-2004, 07:59 AM
My first emotional meltdown :(

I'm sorry for your emotional troubles. Please know that you are NOT alone! I had my TAH almost 6 weeks ago and I'm still an emotional wreck. I need to talk to the doctor on Monday about this. I was bawling my eyes out last night for no apparent reson. I wanted to take the Christmas tree down, throw the gifts in the closet and tell my husband to pack and leave. Now this morning, I'm fine but he won't talk to me (can't imagine why... )
Our hormones, or lack of them, are so out of whack from surgery.
  #10  
Unread 01-06-2005, 06:33 AM
My first emotional meltdown :(

We are very close to the same age and surgery date. I am 31yrs old. I had a TVH on 12/2/04. I had the same feelings that you described. My husband took off work for a week and I totally "freaked" out when he had to go back. I also have 3 children. All girls here. Did you keep your ovaries? I did, but I have heard that it takes a while for them to start functioning properly after surgery. I am 5wks post-op now and for the most part I feel halfway "normal". Still have some irritability and anxiety for no apparent reason. Since I am feeling better physically, I just make myself "busy" when I start feeling that way. That and prayer have gotten me through all of this. I go back to work next weekend and am a little anxious about it. Think I am more worried about my stamina. Hope you are feeling better. I'll say a prayer for you.


Best of Luck!!!
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