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Hysterectomy...the big secret. Hysterectomy...the big secret.

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Unread 01-02-2005, 06:29 PM
Hysterectomy...the big secret.

Oh Weezy, that makes me so sad. Why do you feel ashamed? Can you tell us a little more?

I work for a large company, and we have a very strict policies about privacy, which means it is taboo to ask about anyone's medical condition. I personally wanted to let people know why I was going to be out for so long, because I didn't want anyone to worry that I had something potentially fatal. Therefore, I made a point of telling anyone that I thought might worry about me. Some of the men who had close friends or relations that had been through it were very supportive.

What really amazed me was my DH's colleagues. One of them had a hyster last year, and she must have done a good job of educating them, because I got more flowers and presents from them than my own. I hope I do as good a job, but I do worry I'll start to bore people.

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Unread 01-02-2005, 06:45 PM
Hysterectomy...the big secret.

Just a few more thoughts on the menses taboo...

If I had lost the same amount of blood that I did (lost a whole lotta blood, all at once) via a GUNSHOT wound, I'd have been on the evening news.

If I had lost it via a Stomach Ulcer, I would have had all kinds of alarm, help, sympathy, friends rushing in. (a friend had this, and that was the response)

But having lost it through Vaginal Bleeding, everybody ran the other way and sure did NOT want to talk about it. (except, Thank God, for a few very close friends, who helped)


(Weezy, I'm sorry you feel the way you do. Stick around and keep talking to your sisters, OK?)
Unread 01-02-2005, 07:10 PM
Hysterectomy...the big secret.

Weezy - I just want to reach out and give you a hug. There is nothing to be ashamed of -- we made a medical decision, that's all. If it didn't work out, it's a mistake, and we need all our strength and self-esteem to move on with our lives and heal. Not be shamed or feel guilty.

Back to the subject - I was guilty of obfuscating as well. A coworker of mine had back surgery 10 days after I had my hyst. She was talking about it for months with everybody we work with. She got flowers from people at other agencies. I never told anyone, except my boss - two weeks before I took off on the leave. And I just said I was having "surgery," I never said what or why, except to some of the women. So I only got a few cards. When I would tell some older women, they would know immediately what kind of surgery, and they would say things like, "when I had my 'surgery', such and such happened." Also, at the doctor's office, it was a "procedure," and the doctor said I would be just fine in 2-4 weeks. LOL , it's ten weeks now and he can't figure out what is wrong with me, why I still hurt. I don't think even he realizes what an assault on the system he caused. Thank you all for being there.
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Unread 01-02-2005, 07:31 PM
Hysterectomy...the big secret.


After reading a some of the other posts/threads, I'm wondering if it might not be too unusual for some of us to still be hurting at 10 weeks. When you say you hurt, how severe is the pain? Is it constant or intermittant? Can you figure out what makes you hurt, like exercise or doing too much? Did your doctor ever discuss the possibility of adhesions?

I've been embarrassed to mention to anyone that I still hurt because I think it's been too long and other people will think I'm weak or something. Doctor didn't release me yet and I'll see him this week for another follow up and even though I'll talk to him about it and he is very empathetic, I'm almost embarrassed to tell him this! Maybe we should start a sub-group here for slow healers!

Unread 01-02-2005, 07:39 PM
Hysterectomy...the big secret.

started my period when I was 9 years old. My mom told me nothing about it. just said time to go buy some pads.
I remember feeling so ashamed. I will never forget that day because it was a sunday and I had to miss the SS bus to wait for someone to go buy pads for me.

As far as the hyst goes, I told a few people at chuch and my family not really alot of people but i didnt really hide it either.
You all were lucky to get flowers I got nothing from no one.

I did have a few women tell me that having a hyst was a wonderful thing and I would be so happy to have it done. I would feel so much better and be happier and so on an so on.(some I knew had the hyst).
Well you know what? Physically I may be healthier, but IM NOT HAPPIER! even though I had to have it done I dont feel happy that I had it done.
Sorry, I have to stop, Im crying now.
you all get what I mean though.
Unread 01-02-2005, 08:53 PM
Hysterectomy...the big secret.

Thanks for sharing how open you are. Now I don't feel so bad for blabbing about my hysterectomy. Some people will totally not want to hear even the word. So I try not to tell everybody.

I'm proud I had a hysterectomy. I survived a real adventure, a major surgery. I think my mom helped me feel that way by telling me how great it is and how happy I'll be and telling me about all the ladies on her block who had them or were having them at the same time as me. It's like I joined a special club, or past a special milestone.

For those whose surgeries were back in October like me, I still sometimes have some pain, too, and I don't consider myself slow to heal at all. Mostly it's in one of those two spots right above my hip bones, and usually it's after strenuous exercise such as steep hiking or sex. Sometimes the scar hurts, like if it is stretched. And then sometimes it just hurts if I press against my belly, either the skin or just in general. It's minor.

Good luck to you all and enjoy your adventure. Acceptance is the key to those who can't seem to come to terms with it.
Unread 01-02-2005, 09:02 PM
Hysterectomy...the big secret.

I just want to say goodluck too you as well. You are further than myself and even though I know it gets better everyday, Its nice to hear it too.

I want to try to think of my hyst in a positive way as well.
Unread 01-02-2005, 09:22 PM
Hysterectomy...the big secret.

I grew up in a family of males and was the only female (other than my mother) until I was 25 years old, when my niece was born.

I've always been outspoken (although some may say I just plain talk too much) and I figured, if I had to listen to my brothers fuss about every little ache and pain, they were sure enough going to hear about my cramps every month! And they did.

I wholeheartedly agree that we need to educate each other, as well as others, about hysterectomies.....along with anything else pertaining to the female anatomy. Knowledge is most definitely power.
I think alot of people come off as not caring when the truth of the matter is that they just don't know. Likewise, I've seen alot of posts where DH's aren't being supportive, when they probably just don't know what to support.

My heart goes out to those who feel guilty in any way for having had this surgery.
You simply must keep reminding yourselves that:


-It wasn't to cause a hardship for your families.
-It wasn't because you just woke up one day out of the blue
and decided to have it done.

I could name any number of things that went through my own mind, but when push came to shove I had to admit that my quality of life was diminished and, in turn, I couldn't give my all to my family, my friends, or my job.
For others, their very lives depended on having this surgery.

I hope you'll try very hard not to look back, but rather look ahead at what your new lease on life has to offer. We're all going to encounter a speed bump or two along life's highway and those are the times we need to slow down and reflect or ponder....and in keeping with the theme of this post....to share with others our knowledge.
Unread 01-02-2005, 09:40 PM
Hysterectomy...the big secret.


Thank you, thank you, for posting this. It's been almost two and a half years since my hysterectomy, and I still talk about it. I never want to forget just how it affected me. I talk about it still, to anyone who will listen; because, even though it was necessary for me to have one, I believe it took a lot of courage for me to go through with it. I will never be ashamed of that, as I was when I was menstruating.
Unread 01-02-2005, 09:43 PM
good points...

This topic came up at work the other day with some of my co-workers who had had hysters. We also concluded that part of the reason that some people don't take it as a "major surgery" is because we don't "look" sick when we come back to work. We're not wearing a cast, we didn't have open heart surgery or brain surgery (meaning they think only stuff like that is "major surgery").

And the big, big stinko is: "Oh, I'm SO jealous...I wish I didn't have a period any more! Aren't you lucky?!" So that's where it ends up...i.e., "how can we complain, etc?..." After all, we are now "free" women...Some even go so far as to imply that we chose to do this in order to not have to deal with having a period...like we chose it for "convenience" rather than as an outcome of an illness!!! Like it was cosmetic surgery or getting your hair highlighted!

I am telling the world (those who want to hear it and some who don't). I have no shame. I was very ill for a few years and now I am better...MUCH better. I don't minimize the severity of any of it. I am not looking for sympathy, but I am looking to enlighten other women to the fact that if you are having ANY of the problems like I had, then this is NOT normal and you should go and see a doctor. Don't put it off...get educated...go on Hyster Sisters and read up!

Had I not been so ignorant myself (thought I was going through a "normal menopause"...NOT), I could have avoided a whole lot of misery and wear and tear on my body.

Good thread...

Love from Ohio,

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