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Husband is no help!!! Husband is no help!!!

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Unread 01-02-2005, 02:53 PM
Husband is no help!!!

Just curious if there are anyone else out there not getting much help. I will be four weeks Tuesday Jan. 4th. I get no help from the husband. I had TAH and I guess he feels since the incision on the outside is healed I am healed on in the inside. It makes it real hard when you can't get any help. You would think he had surgery not me. Sorry had to vent. When reading all the posts it sounds like all you sisters have wonderful husbands to take care of you. I can honestly say at 1 week I was bascially back to doing everything. I mean everything. Take care of yourself and enjoy all the help that you are getting.
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Unread 01-02-2005, 03:07 PM
Husband is no help!!!

I can relate to what you are going through. I had my TAH May 7th. I have a DH and 4 teenage sons. They didn't help me at all. I did everything from day one. They would just watch me hold my gut and go on with the housework. I got so mad and felt like nobody cared about me. I became very depressed and ended up on meds for it.
I had a open incision, bowel impaction , then depression. I was also sick from gallbladder disease, although I didn't know that was my problem at the time. I had GB surgery at 4 1/2 months. I am now having rectocele, enterocele surgery on the 25th. I will be very restricted on doing anything for weeks. I don't care if the house falls down, because I refuse to disobey my gyn's instructions this time.
Please just treat yourself like a princess and let the rest go. It doesn't help to get mad at your DH.Let him figure out how to cook, clean, etc. He will get the hang of it!!

I hope it gets better for you
Unread 01-02-2005, 03:14 PM
Husband is no help!!!

Sorry to hear that your DH is not being supportive. From experience, I think men need to be TOLD exactly what to do. I was lucky that my 29 yo daughter took care of the house while I was in surgery and stayed for the week when I came home. Then on Sunday (day after Christmas), everyone left. My DH works out of town, so he's not even here until Fridays. My daughter had to go back to work, but I had friends who came over each day and brought me food. I paid for a house keeper at one week home, that was money well spent. I told DH I'd probably have someone in once more before going back to work at about 6 weeks post op.

Here's something to try:
Make a list of all chores. Beside each item, list how long it might take to do the job and the cost at $15/hr. (or the going rate for a housecleaner). Then let your DH decide if he wants to do it, or hire it done. Maybe that will get his butt in gear!

Good Luck,
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Unread 01-02-2005, 03:15 PM
Husband is no help!!!

I'm in the same boat and I feel like it is sinking!

Would you believe I had to call my parents for a ride home from the hospital? If it weren't for them and my two daughters (ages 14 and 12) I would have had no help at all. Not to go into any details but I'm wondering today why we are even living in the same house! Sorry, just got over a crying jag and needed to vent.
Unread 01-02-2005, 03:23 PM

Thank you all that have responded to my post. I totally feel for you. I will pray for all of you and myself that things do get better. I have been waiting for him to go to the store but... I guess that is to much for him. So, I am off to the store shortly and believe me if it wasn't for my kids I wouldn't be going. I am only doing it for them because it is not their fault. He has been home with me for two weeks and basically hasn't done a thing and I am so looking forward for him to be returning back to work tomorrow. Had he been working believe me I would of hired a housekeeper. I wish I didn't feel as good as I do because then I wouldn't do what I do. But, I can't stand looking at the mess and someone does need to take care of the kids. Thanks again for all your support. It is nice to have somewhere to vent. I appreciate all your support and wish you a wonderful recovery.
Unread 01-02-2005, 03:29 PM
Husband is no help!!!

After my hyst. I wasn't allowed to lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk for 2 weeks. My dr. (same one) told me Wed. that I won't be able to lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk for 4 weeks this time. Since it is a prolapse surgery I have to be very careful that I don't do any damage to his work. I had all c sections so my abdominal muscles are weak anyway. My dr. thinks the prolapses was brought on by years of constipation problems and heavy housekeeping job for 12 years. He said I may not be able to return to my physical job as a aid in a mental institution for some time. Whatever it takes I will do. And NO, MY FAMILY WILL HAVE TO RUN THE HOUSE WITHOUT ME THIS TIME!!!!!

Unread 01-02-2005, 09:46 PM
Husband is no help!!!

I live alone so I have no one to help

Take care of yourself, your story reminds me why I am single
Unread 01-02-2005, 10:02 PM
Husband is no help!!!

Heck....I was in the same darn boat.

A co-worker had to pick me up from the hospital and it all went downhill from there.
I think it was my BF's way of "punishing" me for having the surgery. "You mean to tell me you can't handle a little bit of bleeding (3+ boxes of super plus tampons AND pads) and cramps (that kept me in bed for two days) every month?"

He's been told (but I don't think he believes) that it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

It was a huge disappointment as well as an eye-opener.

The best part came when I realized I didn't need him as much as we both thought I did!
Life goes on.

Speedy healing to you!
Unread 01-02-2005, 10:04 PM
Husband is no help!!!

My heart goes out to all of you. Keep venting on the website. Do whatever it takes. Just don't let it build up into depression and misery. Sometimes just coming here and hearing from others is all it takes to feel better. If there is someone you can ask for help from, ,do it. Don't feel the need to be wonder women! If house gets messy or dishes pile up or kids eat pizza or frozen dinners so be it. Stress is the last thing you need in your recovery period. No one is going to question why house is messy...they know you had surgery.

Artic Aurora I feel really bad for you. When I had my daughter my ex did that to me (and we were still together at that time). He decided he could not be bothered to wait around until I was released. He said that Dr. told him I would be released by 11 and since it was after 11 then it was hospitals fault and therefore they could just keep me in that room until he came back later on. Of course I was embarrassed by his behaviour and ended up calling my dad to leave work and come get me. I hope things get better.
Unread 01-02-2005, 10:19 PM
Husband is no help!!!

Well it's not just me!! I'm a single mother of 3 boys. I had an LAVH and hemorrhoidectomy on 12-29-04. It's been fairly miserable since. In fact today was the last straw for me. I won't go into all the details of the hospital stay but today I had to have my first BM since surgery and I was literally in tears, shaking and bleeding something terrible. I was home alone with my 6 yo son and had to have him call my mom (who left in a huff yesterday) to come and be here with him - I was afraid of passing out. She picked TODAY to tell me I was doing a lousy job at parenting. That sent me over the edge and she wouldn't leave even when I asked her to. It got worse from there and she was screaming at me and broke my dishes and left the house to WALK HOME!! 5 miles on a very windy dangerous road. She had told my kids that the doctor wanted me to come home to no chaos and I had to tell her that her screaming at me when I just had major surgery was more chaos than 3 kids any day.

Sorry - just had to vent. I hope none of you feels too alone. I know exactly how you all feel and to top it all off we just moved two weeks ago so I can't even find anything!!! ARRGGHHH!! I'm thinking of you all - we shall survive this too!

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