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Husband Distant Husband Distant

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Unread 01-11-2005, 12:18 PM
Husband Distant

Dear Kim,
Just had to put my in here too. You poor thing! I send my hugs along with the rest. These marriage struggles are some of the worst things we deal with. I just want to encourage you to hang in there. I have been married 32 yrs now and these things happen. You have gotten some very good advice so far and I don't want to repeat it all, but you have to talk to him about this.
We seem to go through times like this every once in a while and it just requires some time to work it out. Don't accuse, just tell what you have observed and how it has made you feel and ask him to explain. You might need to get some counseling. Just don't throw away 28 years without a fight- I mean fighting to keep what you have. I will pray for you both.
One last thing- to all of you who are doing things because no one else will- stop it! You have to look out for yourselves. If you don't do it because you really shouldn't, someone else will see and start doing it for you.
My prayers are with you all and your relationships. Hang in there.

s, Rita
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Unread 01-11-2005, 01:26 PM
Husband Distant

mm its ok us looking after ourselves, but imagine if our hubbys had any surgery, im sure we would all be looking after them and not giving them any extra hassle at this bad enough time!!anyway i have looked after myself and im at the 7 week post op stage, my soon to be ex hubby has only now started ringing me and asking how i am!!TOO LITTLE TOO LATE!!
Unread 01-11-2005, 04:33 PM
Husband Distant

I have one of those dh as well.He has NEVER wanted children.EVER.4 days b4 my surgery he says"what if I want kids"
What???It wasn't an option anyways,I had many tubals.Then he says while I am in the hospital I can think of finding somewhere else to live.I guess he is sick of the hormones.
Since I have been home he has been better.Although this morning he watched me make us both breakfast......And he is good at complaining a lot cuz I am not working.....and take too many pain killers...
I have realized ladies that this is for myself to feel better, and I am not going to worry at all about anything except getting better at my own pace.If your having a bad day,come on here,there is plenty of support!!!
Thanx ladies.
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Unread 01-11-2005, 05:35 PM
Husband Distant


It certainly sounds from the replies that you've hit a chord of pain in a lot of women.

I'm not sure what the solution is myself, but I feel the pain in your post and couldn't just not say I'm sorry.

You don't say what the situation was before the hospital, but I'm guessing that his attention at the hospital was unique for him.

In my dealings with men, it always seems to me that men want some kind of reward for the things we often just "do". For instance, if a husband dries dishes it's a main event requiring a gold medal. If we do it, no big deal, its "our job".

So, what I'm wondering if somehow since he seemed to be attentive during the surgery if somehow he feels he didn't get his "gold medal" or feels "jipped" in some way? I don't know.

I know when couples go to marriage counseling and things are in bad shape, that husbands come in and say "I called her when I was going to be late" (once)....but she still isn't wanting to have sex".

Like one good move erases it all.

I have no idea whats going on in hubby's head, and you've certainly got a lot of good advice from everyone here. I just thought hmmm...maybe somehow he feels he "gave" and didn't get "back"
and is angry. That pattern I've seen before.

Just something else to add to your thinking.

I'll keep your marriage in my prayers.


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