He feels guilty and I feel scared and lost! | HysterSisters
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He feels guilty and I feel scared and lost! He feels guilty and I feel scared and lost!

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  #1  
Unread 01-12-2005, 10:40 AM
He feels guilty and I feel scared and lost!

This is my first post to Hyster Sisters. I am now just over 4 weeks post-surgery. My libido is stronger then it has been in years. I got a little carried away on New Years Eve and one thing lead to another and me and my partner ended up having oral (at 3 weeks post surgery). He found this site for me the other day and pointed me to it. After reading “the O is a No” forum he is feeling so guilty that he doesn’t even willing give me a hug, he said he feels like trash for pushing me into it, in stead of listening to Dr’s orders of “No sex”. I would have never gone that far without him putting the idea in my head, but I wanted it too. I have been tired and have some pressure in my abdomen but this is all normal, right? What are the chances of having oral and an “O” causing problems? My 6 week check-up isn’t until January 25th, should I be calling the Dr to ask to be seen earlier? What can I do to help my partner get over his guilty feelings? I feel like my world is in a downward spiral. Help!
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  #2  
Unread 01-12-2005, 10:57 AM
He feels guilty and I feel scared and lost!

HI. I too am almost at 4 weeks. There are alot of threads concerning the "O" on here. Many of them are very positive. The big rule I think is nothing internal until Doc says ok. I think that it is normal to be sore still. I get a bit sore at the end of the day from daily stuff sometimes. Please check out some of the other threads and show them to your man. Best wishes!
  #3  
Unread 01-12-2005, 11:08 AM
He feels guilty and I feel scared and lost!

Well, when in doubt it is always good to talk to the dr.

Many drs will discourage oral sex, because the mouth does contain a lot of bacteria and you could risk getting an infection.

As far as orgasms go, again, your dr might suggest you wait.

Many women "test out" the new system alone before trying anything with their partners. Some find they are too nervous to permit themselves to reach a full climax until 3-4 weeks --- others have been fine.

Have a chat with the dr and see what is recommended for you ---
-- and listen to your body!
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  #4  
Unread 01-12-2005, 11:29 AM
He feels guilty and I feel scared and lost!

Tell your hubby not to worry. I had my first orgasm (from oral, with my hubby) on day 8 and it was WONderful. I did, however, pick up a bacterial infection but felt no pain, etc...so after a week of antibiotics all was fine.

I think it's normal for some hubbys to be concerned, but just remind them that it is your body, and only you can listen to it

I was just "released" at 4 weeks and I have to say that my orgasms just keep getting better and better *wink*.

*hugs*
Lori
  #5  
Unread 01-12-2005, 12:23 PM
He feels guilty and I feel scared and lost!

Oral sex should be discouraged due to introducing bacteria from the mouth to the vagina. Some sisters practiced outercourse, but any of this should be at the ok from your doctor...You have all the time in the world to have sex and orgasms, but you only have one time to heal.
Me personally ( and I know I am not the only one), sex and orgasms with the furthest thing from my mind!
But to each his own and if you feel like it more power to you, just get the okay from your doc.
  #6  
Unread 01-12-2005, 12:38 PM
He feels guilty and I feel scared and lost!

...but you said that "the event" happened on New Year's, so what are really the odds that you are still in danger if 12 days later you feel OK? I'm assuming you feel OK and don't have any fever, right?

I agree with the fact that our doctors are the best source of information and advice we can get; however, judging by the number of days that have gone by, you seem to be safe. But if in doubt, just give your doctor's office a quick call, just for your peace of mind.
  #7  
Unread 01-12-2005, 01:54 PM
He feels guilty and I feel scared and lost!

I agree with VLBD, that it's been long enough since "the act" for any symptoms to show up. You're probably fine, but a call to the doctor may be in order for two reasons; 1. to put your mind at ease and 2. to put your Sweetie's mind at ease! It's wonderful that he is worried about your health, but now it's time for him to get over the guilt! You need some hugs!
  #8  
Unread 01-12-2005, 06:15 PM
Thanks everyone!

Thank you all who have given me the support I needed to pull my thoughts about this together. I'm going to talk to my Dr in the morning, my partner is so guilt ridden that I'm hoping it will put his mind at peace as well.

As far as "You have all the time in the world to have sex and orgasms" sex is about the moment. I have never felt such a strong libido and the moment was foggy from the party of New Years. I guess my lesson learned is don't get tipsy with your partner during recovery if you feel a stronger libido after surgery.

Thanks again!
  #9  
Unread 01-12-2005, 06:34 PM
He feels guilty and I feel scared and lost!

Tell your husband not to worry about it. I was 3 days post op when we had oral sex. It feels so good to have the desire once again. I'm 8 weeks now and keep feeling better. I've read that some doctors say no on the oral sex and some say yes. Every doctor is different. But it didn't hurt me.
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