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Why can't I just do what I'm SUPPOSED to?!!? Why can't I just do what I'm SUPPOSED to?!!?

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Unread 01-25-2005, 01:37 PM
Why can't I just do what I'm SUPPOSED to?!!?

Hi, sisters! I have a question that I've been grumbling over the last couple of days: WHY can I not let myself relax, stay in bed, and let my husband take care of our son and the house? When he goes back to work Monday, my gramma will be taking my son. Why do I feel guilty for being a burden to them? This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to get to sleep this much, heal this much, and veg this much, so why am I wasting it with worry about whether cat boxes are getting scooped and whether our little guy goes to bed with clean GoodNites on??? Maybe it's because I'm just not used to change in my life. I KNOW, logically, I shouldn't feel guilty, but I can't help but think everyone is expecting me to be on my feet - NOW! - helping out and "doing what I can." This is so frustrating!!! Plus, I'm in a bunch of pain now. From trying for a bm and from doing too much the other day. I just want to chill out, be treated like a queen instead of ignored, and to enjoy my "vacation." Any tips, ladies? SOS! Thanks!!
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Unread 01-25-2005, 01:46 PM
Why can't I just do what I'm SUPPOSED to?!!?

I found that when I started to worry about other things going on in the house.... it was to get away from thinking about what I was going through. Its away for the mind to excape from the pain our bodies are in.
It gets better, but take care you have only one chance to heal correctly so don't over do it. The more you do the more scar tissue grows and the more problems you can have in the future.
Sending you hugs
Unread 01-25-2005, 02:18 PM
Why can't I just do what I'm SUPPOSED to?!!?

I just want you to know that you are not alone. I have been feeling the same way. I had my TAH on the same day 1/19/05 I feel soooo guilty for letting others help with my kids and housework. I feel like im being a baby for taking a nap or resting. I have had 2 C-sections and was always back on my feet by the time I returned home. This one is another story. Im whipped and hurtin.
I wish you well. When you find out how to relax and let others help let me know!
Take care of your self!
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Unread 01-25-2005, 02:41 PM
Why can't I just do what I'm SUPPOSED to?!!?

It is hard for us "nurturers" to be nurtured.

We seem to think of ourselves last. We do for others, but when it comes time to do for ourselves, we don't know how. It's an eye opener, really.

Out of all the YEARS you have been doing for others, try to think that for the next 6-8 weeks, it is your turn to be taken care of. Two months of some friends and family pitching in to help you heal....that's all. Just 8 weeks.

The time really does fly by although early on in the recovery it doesn't feel like it. Each day you wake up , there is only one job you have. To heal. You cannot get that day back.

Feeling guilty is normal for a lot of us. It feels like we are being selfish and demanding. Yet, if you ask those who are helping and supporting you if they feel you are being selfish and demanding, they will say no. I am sure of that.

It is weird that our minds work this way. We need to learn to allow ourselves this time. We have earned it and deserve it.

Oh, our time will come when we are back to nurturing others. I am nine weeks post op and almost all chores and expectaions have been delegated back to me. It was a good ride while it lasted.

Just remember that this is "doctor's orders"!!! No choice if you want a healthy, safe recovery. Stop fighting with yourself about it. Let it go and accept the help you are being given.

Many sisters here don't have the assistance and support. I was fortunately not one of them and had a great supportive family. Cherish and embrace that!

Good luck

Unread 01-25-2005, 02:52 PM
Why can't I just do what I'm SUPPOSED to?!!?

It is the "super woman complex"...we can do it all and don't need anyone's help....wrong!
you need to stop feeling guilty and truly understand how much of a major operation this is and that others need to understand as well. One way to do this is, look at the top of the page and click onthe link called "checkpoints". There is a lot of information about the surgery there and there is also a guidline of do's and don'ts depending on how far out postop you are. Print out the guidelines that you are in now and put them on the fridge, hand them out to friends, relatives and hubbies. You will only have this one opportunity to heal properly----you dont' want to end up like some of our sisters who over did it and ended up paying for it later. Also remember it takes 6-12 months to completely heal from this. You will never in your lifetime get this much time to do nothing, so take full advantage of it. Reevaluate your priorities, use this time wisely to change things about your life...start a new hobby, read that book you have been putting off....but for God's sake don't feel guilty....if the role's were reversed, you would be doing for others too.
Take care and read those guidelines!
Unread 01-25-2005, 03:48 PM
Why can't I just do what I'm SUPPOSED to?!!?

Personally, I'm glad I got up and got things done. I healed really quickly and just 5 weeks post op I got on a plane and flew across the country to visit a friend. So, do what your BODY tells you you can do. Try not to feel guilty for taking help. I had help for 5 days after hyst and then I took over my house and my children but I didn't feel guilty on the day or two since then that I've had to ask DH for more help.

Love and blessings,
Angie K.
Unread 01-25-2005, 04:02 PM
This all makes lots of sense - thank you!

Hi, fellow princesses. Thanks for all your posts and thoughtful and loving replies. I think you all hit it on the head - I'm used to doing everything, and that instinct doesn't just 'go away.' So I feel guilt and pressure when I see my loved ones doing 'my jobs.' But you're right - I only have ONE chance to heal from this surgery. Unless I want more adhesions, a cystocele or rectocele or all, I need to take it easy. I have a lot of books to read (am currently in the middle of "The Pact"), and I should just be grateful I do have my one child. I know that not many women who go through things that require hysts can ever have kids, and I thank God for my little Dylan every day. I am thankful for my hubby, too, because of his patience and his willingness to take off from work to help me. I have a lot of love and good people in my life, including women on these boards, so I have more than I sometimes think. I will think about that and be grateful for it as I lie in bed and don't life a finger. Thank you, everyone, for being here for me. As I get better, I hope to be here for all of you, as well!!
Unread 01-25-2005, 05:08 PM
Why can't I just do what I'm SUPPOSED to?!!?

Hi Sisters!
boy there are some good words of wisdom spoken on this post!

Sistersong...I could have written your post. Just changed the names! It's gotten to the point with me that my friends are calling my cell phone and asking me where I am and what I'm doing. I've had to go to the hospital once in 5 weeks because I over did it.

There's major construction going on in my back yard (total makeover of large yard and pool) my husband is not the construction coordinator and I'm out there ordering people around (that was my job in my earlier life...now a stay at home mom) So, instead of staying home and worring about what is going on I go to the mall, Target or sit at Starbucks for coffee. It is very hard to do that. But I know soon I will return to "gosh if I just had 30 minutes to myself!"

Take care, heal quickly it's better in the long run. Nothing is worse then going back to the castle!

Unread 01-26-2005, 08:18 AM
Why can't I just do what I'm SUPPOSED to?!!?

Just wanted to add this information. I'm 14 weeks today and I had a CT scan done yesterday and I was able to keep the x-rays. well ladies at 14 weeks I can see on them I still have a large area or hole where my uterus was that is still empty. It weird looking but we still need time to heal so please don't over do it! All of our internal organs are week and until that area heals we can get injured easily.
Take care!
Unread 01-26-2005, 08:32 AM
Why can't I just do what I'm SUPPOSED to?!!?

My wonderful doc gave me the best advice, knowing that I have super woman complex. He said YOU HAVE THIS ONE CHANCE TO HEAL CORRECTLY. I decided it was a great time to get to know myself again and I let everyone take care of me.

Please!!! take this time to read, rest and heal. Think about how much you have done and it is your turn to be nurtured.


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