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Mother-in- law help please! Mother-in- law help please!

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Unread 01-31-2005, 11:45 AM
Mother-in- law help please!

I really need to hear what those of you waiting and been there think about this problem.

A little back ground, march 04 I had lso for what turned out to be endo. December 30, 04 may mom to whom I and my children are very very close to had a stroke( doing very well btw). On Jan 15, 05 sheltie gave birth to 5 wonderful little puppies. (one I have to feed because she was so small, keeps your mind occupied) Jan, 17, 05 found out I get to have a hyst on feb 22.

I am doing great with the hyst idea, infact I am excited since mother nature is back after 19 days and making sure I remember why I want to do this.

Now for the problem. Mom of course can not come 639 miles to help take care of the boys. Her health is of course very important to me. Dh has taken a week off to take care of me and the boys. (can't wait to see how that goes, lol) But youngest ds does not ride bus. Oldest ds can ride bus if he must. yds starts school at 8, ods starts at 9, yds out at 2:30 ods out at 3:30. If I had to ods could walk yds to bus but that would be stressfull on all of us.

Mother in law is willing to come the second week to drive the boys to and from school. Problem, while she has been great helping with my mother (they live close to each other) She is not my favorite person on the planet. She is alergic to my 4 dogs (+ 5 puppies) she is a neat freak, and she will not leave home without being perfect. I like things neat and clean, but since I have started having all these problems I have learned to let some things go. I can always do them when I feel like a human again.

Sorry so long, I was looking forward to having the quite time while everyone was at work and school. If you were in my shoes would you suck it up and deal with the poor dogs being thrown outside and locked up for a week and one more person getting on your nerves to keep from driving or do I take the wait and see how I feel about driving (3 miles each way 2 times a day). The dr said since I healed so well last time I may be able to drive.

Thanks to any info any would can give.
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Unread 01-31-2005, 12:08 PM
Mother-in- law help please!

Wow> You have a lot on your plate. I might offer a couple of suggestions. I too had a mother-in-law that sounds a lot like yours. She came to help with all three births and it drove me crazy. After this sugery I decided to take others advice before me in that I might need more help then I did after child birth.

I put it in my mind that there is nothing she can do to make me come unglued. I tried to have the most positive attitude I could going in and told her often how much I appreciate her putting her life on hold to help me and my family. So many times on this site you hear about people that are alone and have no help, so we need to appreciate what we have.

I am a dog lover so when I suggest a doggy daycare it is with the understanding that you might not need the extra stress from your " other" babies. That way you can concentrate on yourself and MIL can concentrate on the boys.

Lastly, If she leaves your house spotless would it really be that bad? As a mater of fact , can she come here? As long as she dosen't comment on your cleaning just gush about how organized she is. I guess in other words maybe a little sucking up is order.

I wish you well.
Unread 01-31-2005, 12:30 PM
let her come

Doggy daycare the dogs, by all means, let her come, let her clean up the house, (you will feel better after surgery with a clean house and things taken care of, believe me!) and generally let her help, help, help while you rest, rest, rest and don't worry.
I have learned to accept help. It doesn't do you any good to fret; let her help! Worry about the "issues" regarding her later! And once she leaves you will have some more quiet time alone to recover.
This really stood out in your message: She can't be all bad if she is helping your mom out; that is a blessing for you I know.
I wish you well. God bless.
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Unread 01-31-2005, 09:14 PM
Mother-in- law help please!

If you really don't want your MIL around during recovery, are there any parents that you are friendly with that could help you with driving to and from school for the first few weeks? I know I would do it for my friends or for the mom of my girls' friends. You may be able to return the favor sometime, if you haven't already helped them out before. Just a thought.

Good luck, whatever you decide!

Unread 01-31-2005, 09:53 PM
Mother-in- law help please!

Hey there...

If MIL is a neat have been blessed by the Gods! I would have her over as much as she wanted so she could get her clean "fix"!

She may be a MIL that you don't particularly see eye-to-eye with, but if she has offered to come assist....then if it were me, I would have a key cut with her name on it! Set yourself up in the bedroom with the door closed and let her loose!

We need to learn to accept all help that is offered. It may be a little "difficult" having her around a lot, but in the end I think you will be glad for it.

I was worried my DH wouldn't be back from work in time to pick up kids. I was worried he wouldn't get them off to school in time in the morning. But, I learned that if I was too involved vocally, I was stressing everyone out. It worked much better to be the quiet little patient in bed, with my nose in a book. At times, my family forgot I was around, which was a good thing because they ended up managing on their own.

I hope you will accept whatever help comes your way. If will help tremendously with your recovery.

Keep us posted...I would love to hear how the MIL works out!


Unread 02-01-2005, 07:29 AM
Mother-in- law help please!

.... i agree with Sarah....let your MIL come and stay, she can clean all she wants and if it gets to much for you just go hide in your bed room! Who knows you two might actually get alittle closer! Wouldn't that be nice? Lots of Luck!

Unread 02-01-2005, 07:48 AM
Thanks everyone

Thanks everyone.

For the record, My MIL is a very nice person. My problems with her deal more with the way she treats my children when her step grandchildren are around. I really have trouble letting go of how she treated my oldest up until about a year ago when her dh went off on her over it.

I am thankful that she is willing to come and help out. But the house will be spotless before she gets here, it always is just because even though she is not my favorite person on earth she is my dh's mother and he loves he with all his heart. I think that my concern is (go figure) her allergies to my animals. I had not thought of doggy day care.

And as you each know, this is a emotional time no matter what you have on your plate. I guess it really boils down to I want my mommy. Yes I am whinning. She didn't get on my nerves too bad last time, maybe because I stayed on my meds and slept most of the time. I can do that again.

So I will suck it up and deal with the MIL for a week and pray I can drive for the third week, at least to pick my yds up and let friends take him to school. If all else fails he will get to learn what riding the bus is all about, or afterschool daycare for a couple of weeks.

Again thanks so much, I have a good mood day today, hope it last!


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