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Unread 02-16-2005, 08:10 AM
Stupid people

I'm on an emotional rollercoaster. I'm 50 yrs old and had a TAH/BOS on 2/7 so I know that my hormones are asckew but I'm still shocked over how stupid some women are. A friend I had not talked to in a couple of months called me last night after hearing of my surgery from another friend. She thought she was being funny when she said "well now you are an it". I asked her what she said and she explained since I no longer had my female reproductive organs I was now an it. She laughed again. I really don't remember much said after that but I got off the phone quickly. I was already feeling sad about my surgery and confused over what my life would be like now, but she really hurt me saying what she did.

I tried telling my husband how I felt. He is sweet and understanding but I don't think he understood how something like that hurt me so. I will get over it but I needed to tell someone else so thanks for being here. I'm still sad today.
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Unread 02-16-2005, 09:11 AM
Stupid people

I'm so sorry your friend hurt your feelings like that. I'm sure it was not intentional. Just know that we are here for you as your DH is. Unless you are going through this, I don't think anyone really understands the emotional toll it can take at times.
I hope you have a wonderful day today!

Unread 02-16-2005, 09:47 AM
Stupid people

Hi Tenfan,
Funny, this happened to me also. My friend told me before surgery, i would be just like her cat, an it. She is as much tomboy as some of the boys I know, no kids, no boyfriend, etc. I calmly took a deep breath and told her, if I am just a uterus and will be now be one of the guys, then my life *****.

5 months out, I feel more woman, more secure in my womanhood, and happier than I was being full woman, to use those terms. I find myself 'feeling' more desirable, and Dh must also as..well things are happening. I get more mental anguish out of gaining weight, than I do in being 'less of a woman'.

If being woman means bleeding to death, excrutiating cramps, and etc., then I would rather be an it. I can wear a thong and mini any day of the week, not that I would...hehe, I can wear anything, including white or beige any day of the week. I dont have to plan romantic interludes, and can be spontaneous, and I guess most importantly, DH can plan them without even consulting me.

What I am trying to say is, the people who say these things dont have any clue. They are not educated or knowledgeable. They 'think' or dont think and try to make us feel better, all the while driving the whole insecurity deeper. I worried before my surgery about that and the whole issue of female 'things', like being delicate, which I never was, and how this affects my role in the family. Worst thing I have to deal with over this surgery is BRAIN FOG!! And yes, my family is constantly teasing me over the lobotomy they KNOW I had....Not over my value as a woman/mom/wife/female/nurturing/caring/etc person.....

Hugs to you, and try not to let the 'women' of the world bother you...Stand strong and know who you are inside....
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Unread 02-16-2005, 11:29 AM
Stupid people

Well, I'm not surprised you don't remember what was said after this person's unthinking comment. I would be in complete shock.

It never, ever ceases to amaze me how people can honestly think that a comment such as that is even remotely humorous. To paraphrase Dr. Phil -- what are they thinking?

I am so sorry this happened to you. Rest assured, you are still very much a woman. There's no question about that.
Unread 02-16-2005, 12:10 PM
Stupid people

Don't know what people think at times either. Our womanhood is not based entirely on the organs we have or don't have. Womanhood is so much more than that. I think others have put here better than I can right now. We need to remind ourselves that when people say these things they are not thinking or saying things out of ignorance.

We are women!

Jane B
Unread 02-16-2005, 05:50 PM
Yeah, people can say stupid stuff

and to be honest, I am GLAD that I am not bleeding thru clothes, underwear, the bedsheets, etc. Doing that because of all the fibroids I had, which caused more bleeding than normal, made me feel nasty, and not much of a desirable woman at all. Look at it this way--what man finds a woman, who bleeds and cramps continually, beautiful or desirable? Not many. I still get down in the dumps about never being able to give my DH children (never had any, never will), but it sure is wonderful to be able to WWWW (wear white without worry). Don't think of yourself as an "it" because you are more woman now than you were with those parts--you can probably now wear things that your friend would have to worry about wearing, in case her period started, LOL!!!

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