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why the feelings? why the feelings?

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  #1  
Unread 02-16-2005, 12:48 PM
why the feelings?

This is my first post. I'm 6 days post surgery. I am struggling with the feelings that I am having. I go from crying to just plain wanting to sleep. From my head to my belly hurts. I had uterus cancer and a week later a full hysterectomy. I'm 43 years old. I know this isnt the end of the world but I wish I could sure slow it down a bit. I have no desire to eat and only do so to take my medicine.(not that I couldnt afford to lose a few pounds). I just don't understand why I feel like I do in the sense of the crying and the feeling so alone in this. If anyone could give me a insight into this whole ordeal I would greatly appreciate it.
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  #2  
Unread 02-16-2005, 01:02 PM
CRying

HI there.

I am currently three weeks post op but I do understand what you mean. The first couple of nights at home all I did was cry and sleep. (If I could get comfy which didn't happen very often.) It is normal for you to be emotionally shocked. You have just had major surgery and your hormones are going to be off whack. The crying will eventually stop. It may take time but it will happen. If you are still struggling, please talk to your doc and see if they can help at all.

Good luck!
  #3  
Unread 02-16-2005, 01:40 PM
why the feelings?

Hi Dotnik,

I actually came onto the site today searching for some information and saw your topic and I couldn't pass it up. When I had my surgery last May I felt weepy all of the time and I just couldn't find the strength or energy to get going. And what was worse was I didn't want to talk about it because I felt that no one understood. I guess the best thing to describe it is "mourning". I don't know if that's what you're feeling. Like, I was feeling like I missed my uterus (as crazy as that sounds to me) and I was mourning the loss. As Grenouille said, it really will get better. My doc put me on Zoloft for a month and I actually didn't even finish out the prescription. It's okay to get your cry out, it won't last always.
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  #4  
Unread 02-16-2005, 01:53 PM
feelings

I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling bad. I had my surgery 13 days ago and in the beginning I neither felt like eating and barely did. I also have mood swings that could kill! unch: I am feeling much better now and have been giving a rx for some hormones. Which I will be doing some research on this site to see about taking them. Everyday gets better. You have to understand that your body has gone though turmoil and it's hard not being able to do anything for yourself. I found that the hardest part!!! Going to the bathroom was a chore! And now only 2 weeks later I am back to almost normal.
I'll be thinking of you and I hope you also have a speedy recover.
  #5  
Unread 02-16-2005, 02:05 PM
why the feelings?

Dotnik, I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling low. I am 8 days post-surgery and I've only had a couple of minor crying episodes. Part of that is due to the nature of the surgery, part is due to the fact that you are healing in many more ways then physically. Now, that being said, I must ask, don't you think a little of the emotion is due to the cancer diagnosis? 9 years ago, I was diagnosed with early breast cancer, which culminated in a mastectomy and reconstruction. I cried constantly. I don't know why, really. I guess I cried a little for the loss. I cried from the sheer stress of "cancer" regardless of how early. Then you put hysterectomy and cancer stress together, and you end up with some serious mood swings!
Consider yourself hugged, and know that you are not alone. Things will get better, at least I'm counting on them getting better!!
  #6  
Unread 02-16-2005, 02:54 PM
why the feelings?

I can relate....

Was feeling ill in Dec, went to the doctor and was diagnosed as being pregnant. In the beginning of January I went to the emergency room because I was spotting and cramping. It was there I discovered that I wasn't pregnant after all, but had a kind a cancer called choriocarcinoma. I has gone through a D&C, two rounds of chemo, and then a TAV on January 25. Phew!! It's been a little over three weeks and I am feeling so much better....you will too.

When I first came home from the hospital, I was totally wiped out. Didn't get out of bed for the first couple of days. Getting a cancer diagnosis and surgeries and the whole hospital experience felt surreal. It was only after going home that I think I got over the shock and got out of the survival mode that I was in. Not being able to do any thing forced me to think and feel. I also think that the meds have alot to do with your emotional state. Crying was good for me, journaling as well.

Anyways, my best wishes to you. You will feel better....and this is a great place to come to for support.

aloha,

kerry
  #7  
Unread 02-16-2005, 03:17 PM
welcome

dotnik,
We are so glad you found this site. You didn't mention what kind of surgery you had, but since you had cancer did they remove your ovaries also?

Let's see:

You have had major surgery.
Your body was pumped full of heavy duty narcotics and anesthetics.
You were cut, muscles were pulled apart, parts of your body were removed and things were stitched back together.
You had uterine cancer.
You are home now with time to think and feel everything you have been through.

Of course you are feeling emotional, and crying.
Who wouldn't?

You are very early in your recovery and your body demands time to put itself back together and heal.

Just come here often and talk all you want. We understand.

  #8  
Unread 02-16-2005, 04:03 PM
why the feelings?

Oh I truly relate to the taking all day to go to the bathroom.... Seems like a chore just to go. I keep telling myself that tomorrow is another day and sun will come up and it will be better. I have started to journal and that does seem to help. I thank the good Lord for the support of a great family.
Yes I do think the "C" word has alot to do with my emotions and I think once I get those final pathology reports back and know weather I have to have chemo and/or radiation and know the path that I have to take then I will be able to get on the right path. Until then it's like a well what if this and what if that.... never ends.
Yes they did take my ovaries along with everything else. The doctor told me he could try and save my ovaries but I said No not with the cancer being in the uterus that was a chance that I was not willing to take. I would rather know that wasnt a possibility of it spreading to them and the thought of more surgery was more then I can bare.
I am so glad to have found this sight...... thanks girls. You have lifted my spirits today.
  #9  
Unread 02-16-2005, 04:44 PM
feelings

Hi Dotnik,

I haven't had my surgery yet, so I'm still in the pre-surgery jitters phase. But I have fibromyalgia and one thing I found that helps when it is bad or I get depressed about it is to keep a "gratitude journal." When things are tough, I sit down every day and make a list of all the things that happened that day that I am grateful for. Some days, it's a struggle to come up with 5 things (my minimum), and sometimes they are as tiny as having seen a pretty cloud in the sky or had a really good bowl of soup! But I find that doing it really does change my mood and it gets me in the habit of looking for the good things for my list during the day, so that my mind is not looking on the dark side all day long.

The other great thing I discovered as a result of getting ready for my surgery is guided imagery. I really enjoy listening to a CD of a soothing voice and music taking me on an imaginary journey. It's amazingly calming. I got a pre-surgery CD from my insurance company and I liked it so much I got some more. I'm listening to the "Fight Cancer" one now and will switch to the pre-surgery one closer to my surgery. I got them from a web site called Health Journeys. They have a whole bunch of them aimed at different physical and emotional issues.

I hope today in better than yesterday and tomorrow better still.

Take care,
  #10  
Unread 02-22-2005, 06:10 PM
Emotional Rollercoaster

It's 7 days post op. I'm still walking half bent over most of the time. I started breaking out in sweats today and just crying to cry I guess. I had a partial hysterectomy, only the uterus was removed. So I'm not sure that the crying and sweating is hormonal. Or can that still happen when you still have your ovaries? I guess part of the problem is my daughter just got married and is moving out. I don't look forward to the quiet all the time. I hate the bathroom trips...stopped eating so I wouldn't have to go. Is that silly or what. I just can't deal with all this pain all the time. The sutures at the bottom of my belly are red and oozing, called the Dr. and am now am on antibiotics, and I go in to be checked tomorrow. I try my best to avoid the pain killers as I know they are addicting. So confused here no wonder I'm on an emotional rollercoaster.

In spite of everything I still believe it was worth having the surgery because I couldn't go on with the pain and the constant bleeding. The Dr said my uterus was riddled with fibroids. I had layer upon layer upon layer of them.
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