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Husband HAD been wonderful now he has exploded Husband HAD been wonderful now he has exploded

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  #21  
Unread 02-23-2005, 09:53 AM
Husband HAD been wonderful now he has exploded

Hi Lori,

I hope counseling does the trick for you. My previous husband was manic depressive. He sounded a lot like the husband Sharon describes. We never knew when he was going to blow up next. Things would be fine, and then suddenly out of no where he'd be all bent out of shape, yelling and throwing things. He never went to hitting so I figured I was okay. Until after we divorced. It was then that I discovered my daughter held resentment towards me for not leaving sooner than I did. She said that I was showing her how to take verbal abuse and deal with it. My daughter (now 30) and I are very, very close, so this came as a shock and a bit of a hurt to have to listen to.
Just do one thing, keep your eyes wide open. If you think it's gone a miss and there's no way to fix things, if you've tried and nothing is working. Then you might want to do some serious thinking about leaving. Yes, having a family that stay's together is awesome. But sometimes, it is detriment later on. What your boys see in your marriage is what they will come to know as normal and okay for their own marriage. I learned the hard way.
Like I said, keep everything you read here like a journal in your head. Do what you believe is best. Know the warning signs, don't let your life become like mine was or like Sharon's is. But do what you feel in your heart of hearts is best for you and your children ... and your husband.
Praying for you
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  #22  
Unread 02-23-2005, 09:55 AM
Husband HAD been wonderful now he has exploded

Just a quick thought...

It is interesting to me that the blow-up corresponded with the planned first post op "romantic" night. I wonder if it was in some way his severe reaction to being afraid of intimacy? Sort of like picking a fight to avoid the night...

I think he realized how out of line he was and the offer to go to counseling was a bit of an apology or olive branch.

Just my


Jennifer

TAH/BSO 1/14/05
  #23  
Unread 02-24-2005, 01:30 AM
Husband HAD been wonderful now he has exploded

Hi Sisters,

So many wonderful suggestions and ways for me to get through this and keep my sanity (and hopefully my husband)! I want to address some of you specifically to give everyone a better understanding of the situation.

To Jennifer: That is a good thought but I never got around to letting him know that it was "the" night so he was not expecting a romantic evening.

To Pamela: Thank you for your prayers. Sounds like you have really been through it. I do see some of my situation in what you went through. It is so hard to deal with.

Just a general comment: My DH does not work full time - he does not even work part time. He works occasionally helping out a local auction house. DH receives SS disability (for depression) so he is unable to work a "normal" 40 (or more) hour work week. So it is not like he is gone to work every day and then comes home and has all of that on top of him as well. He works 4 or 5 days a month. It just so happened that the day he did exploded was a day he had worked.

To redangel: This is not the first blow-up but I think it was the worst since it extended out to our kids. I personally will not suffer any type of abuse for a very long anoint of time but when it comes to my kids that very short time frame gets even shorter. So when it involves just me I will put up with it for a few months. With my children, one or two weeks top.

To Margot: Thanks so much. It helps hearing from a professional. You post probably tipped the tide in favor of counseling.

To Sharon: It sounds like we are married to the same man. He has been suffering with depressing for at least 30 years (although I believe longer). He will go to counseling for a while but then always eventually stops going. It has been a year at least since he has been in therapy. Right now he is very remorseful. He is saying he is an evil person who treated me terribly and unfairly. That I did not deserve the treatment I received nor did the kids. Problem, is, I have heard all of this before and it comes a time when it becomes one time two many. That is where I thought I was after this last blow up. I am going to give marriage counseling a chance to see if it helps - can't hurt can it?

Again, thanks su much. Sisters!!!
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