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OMG Stupid pre-opp nurses saying stupid things (venting) OMG Stupid pre-opp nurses saying stupid things (venting)

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Unread 02-22-2005, 11:20 PM
OMG Stupid pre-opp nurses saying stupid things (venting)

Just a small disclaimer, offence might happen, if so I'm sorry. I'm an emotional wreck right now and this just had to happen today.

Ok so I went for my bloodwork and pre-op paper signing.
First, the check in lady was trying to be funny while checking me in and when she got a paper-cut she said, "wow, no sympathy here." I said I'm sorry, I'm just getting my insides ripped out in a few days and a paper cut is low on my list right now.
Boy I'm a <Oops! Please don't override the website censor. >

So then I go down to the lab and the lady can easily see I'm struggling to even just be there and she's as happy as can be. She says, "Why such the grim face," I told her I was having a hyster on Monday. Then she said "oh and I see you are only 27", " do you have any children?"
"Well you can have one of mine, I have 4."
grrrrr, I can't have kids like you but it's sooo nice to see that you were blessed with 4 that you don't even care about or feel blessed to have!!!~!!!!
I guessed I yelled at the wrong stupid woman! I should have saved up my energy for her.

Then I tell DH and he says he's sorry for what I have to go through. He said he didn't know how it would make me feel but he's fine with not having kids.
You know, on a good day, I would be ok with that, but today, less than a week away from opp. I told him that there's a big difference between choosing and having the choice made for you.

And you know what he said??!!!

Well honey you ARE choosing to have this surgery. You don't have to have it. You know you can always put it off if you're not ready for it.

No, no I can't WAIT for this surgery. I could if I wanted to live with the pain, I could if I don't care about the chances of it being cancer, I could if I liked taking 15 XXXX pills a day!


I don't have a choice!
I and other women like me are here, wishing Discovery Channel didn't have Birth Day every day, I'm feeling less of a person because I didn't choose to not have kids, God chose it for me, and I feel like less of a person because I have more brains in my pinky toe than a lot of of women who are mothers. Yet they can do the one thing I've always wanted to do!

Ok, now that I'm done spuing my hate and discust.
Ladies, remember this, and I'll keep telling myself this through out my life:
God put us here to go through these things because we are strong. We are the fighters so the weaker people in this world don't have to go through this also. God chose us to be the fighters of the world. So when ever you start looking at it as why me, answer it for yourself. I'm a fighter, God knows I am, he knows I'm strong enough to handle this

So that's my story,
Brandy W, KS
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Unread 02-22-2005, 11:30 PM
OMG Stupid pre-opp nurses saying stupid things (venting)

WoW! I can't believe so-called "professionals" would be so insensitive! *punch* You should not have been subjected to such crass and entirely inappropriate comments - I am sorry that you had to go through that.

I am sure your DH thought he was trying to help - you know how men can be - THis is the best place to release frustration - Let it out!

And maybe even pick up a few good lines to hurl back at ogres like those nurses!
Unread 02-22-2005, 11:45 PM
OMG Stupid pre-opp nurses saying stupid things (venting)

Wow, I'm so sorry that those insensitive hospital workers were so rude to you.

If/when you feel up to it, perhaps you could write a letter to the hospital director, letting him/her know about what happened. I'm sure that they'd rather implement some sensitivity training for their staff than have more people hurt again.

I agree with the "we're fighters" comments.

Maybe this is a chance to fight back a bit and affect some positive changes in the world!
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Unread 02-23-2005, 06:22 AM
OMG Stupid pre-opp nurses saying stupid things (venting)

NO wonder you need to vent ...what a hard decision for you to make. I know through friends how insensitive people can be to childless women. My sister decided she never would have kids and that makes people think she is weird or must have had some medical problem, my friend couldnt due to polycystic ovaries and other problems and she gets so upset with similar things that you mention. .. little comments that just eat away at you at your most sensitve points.
As for 'welll you chose to' well Ive had that sort of comment too, for slightly different reasons, and I know how frustrating it is too! What choice is there when you have to make a choice between the unknown and the painful reality?
You are perhaps making the hardest decision of your life, no wonder you feel a wreck. People will say stupid things, or they will not know what to say sometimes. Not having a child doesnt make you any less of a woman.
I guess its going to be something really hard to work through but maybe when the ops over try and find someone, preferably professional, who you can talk through all those feelings of anger and loss.
Have a big hug from across the sea!
Unread 02-23-2005, 09:02 AM
OMG Stupid pre-opp nurses saying stupid things (venting)


Big hugs to you sister! I am in the same position as you - hyster last August and no kids. I have also dealt with some very insensitive comments and things that just seem really hollow from young mothers I work with and know or even women who haven't been through this surgery. I have also felt that some of the women who have had hysters and have kids don't get it either (no the women on this board - but some of my mother's friends etc.)

I also wish the Discovery channel who stop with the Birth Day stuff - it's way to much and then there are other channel that deal with medical stuff with babies and getting pregnant - as well as all the commercials for kids stuff - baby clothes, diapers - I know they need to sell their products, but sometimes I don't want to see some young perfect mother with her 2.5 kids running around the big backyard with the "hot" husband.

I wish the world (our society and others as well) would not place so much emphasis on having children - yes, I know they are important and should be cherished, but it does not mean that those of us who don't have them are defective in some way. I am no less of a person because I can't have children, but I am constantly faced with the question from people I hardly know, DO you have kids?

Hang in there sister - and one of the posters above said you should let the hospital know about the nurses comments - they were very insensitive and you are probably not the first they said things to - so let the hospital know the problem. If no one speaks up imagine the damage those people can do to other patients who just sit there and take it - attitude and outlook are important when you are facing surgery and having insentitive comments from the nurses is not good health care.

Many Hugs! Please vent when you need to - it nice to know that others share my frustration and pain - it helps to lessen it.

Unread 02-23-2005, 03:35 PM

I am so sorry you had to go thru this. It must be one of the toughest things in the world. my heart goes out to you. You cant stop the ads, or the t.v. shows, and babies will always be around, but in a professional setting, and with what you are going thru that was totally unacceptable. I am a nurse, and let me tell you, the whole bunch of them at that hospital need some P.R. classes. I would call the hospital and let them know asap. Believe me when I tell you, hospitals do not like to hear of unhappy pts. I would make my stand loud and clear. there are alot of things in life one cant control, but in this situation, it should be controlled. Best wishes, carol
Unread 02-24-2005, 08:49 PM
OMG Stupid pre-opp nurses saying stupid things (venting)


You are so right to be appalled and react the way you did......I am suprised you were that much in control....I probably would have flattened her.
Absolutely you should complain and write letters to the hospital administration , the local paper and anyone else you can think of, your local politician.....make some noise ! So, she doesn't do this to anyone else.....

Hang in will get better with time.

Unread 02-28-2005, 11:48 PM
OMG Stupid pre-opp nurses saying stupid things (venting)

I must say that your words reflect the experience of many, thank you for the vent - and vent away any time!

I know that when I came out of recovery, I could hear but that was about it - one of the post-op/recovery room nurses said "oh she was either screamiing or asleep" - I wrote the hospital administrator - and there is a board where they put up comments. I did put my initials on the complaint. They put up my comments - I did have some compliments for others - but even if those comments were not about me - it hurt me to hear those.

You should have NEVER had any bad comments like those from anyone!

I love how you put it, and you have given me strength with:
"Ladies, remember this, and I'll keep telling myself this through out my life:
God put us here to go through these things because we are strong. We are the fighters so the weaker people in this world don't have to go through this also. God chose us to be the fighters of the world. So when ever you start looking at it as why me, answer it for yourself. I'm a fighter, God knows I am, he knows I'm strong enough to handle this"

so true, that hit quite home for me - you sound very strong and you said it all so well, thanks!

Unread 03-07-2005, 11:32 AM
OMG Stupid pre-opp nurses saying stupid things (venting)

Hey Brandy,

I know this is late, but just had to respond to your post. I'm so sorry you had to go through the rude, ignorant comments. I've heard them all too.

When I was in the castle the first night after my surgery, I had my princess pillow in my bed with me and the lady came to take my blood in the middle of the night and she said, "Oh, is that your baby?" I responded, "No, it's just a pillow," then complained to my husband about it after she left the room. He responded to me, "How is she supposed to know what surgery you just had? I knew you would be so hormonal after this surgery." Arrgh!!!!

I hope you're recovery is going well.

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