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Fighting w/ Husband Fighting w/ Husband

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Unread 03-07-2005, 11:40 AM
Fighting w/ Husband

Hi everyone!

I'm so tired, I was till 2 o'clock in the morning fighting with my husband over something so stupid.(as usaual) He keeps telling me he's going to be so supportive when I get my sugery in April. I just don't see it happening. I've almost canceled twice, due to being so afraid and wondering how he'll be reacting. Plus I am so sick of hearing from friends & family "Oh it will be fine" & "what are you so worried about." I feel like screaming "Hello, just listen please." But what's the point. I'm so glad I have this site. It's so nice to know I'm not alone. I know everthing will most likely be fine, but I feel like know one wants to be bothered. I would just like to get some feelings out. It that so bad. Even my husband acts like he doesn't want to be bothered either.

He keeps telling me "think positive & quit worrying." Well I am thinking positive, I'm just scared and it helps to talk about it. I'm sure I'm not alone in how I'm feeling. So anyone out there that would like to share, feel free. I'm just alittle upset and needed to vent some. Thanks for listening sisters! Your about the only ones I can count on these days.:burning: J.D.
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Unread 03-07-2005, 11:51 AM
Fighting w/ Husband

Ive been exactly where you are but trust that your DH will come through for you when needed. Mine certainly has, we had a huge blow up also and afterwards I felt much better about his support. Don't doubt his words, he's doing the best he can in a sitituation that is out of his and your control. And men don't like not being able to fix the problems at hand.
As for everyone telling you "not to worry" and "everything will be fine" it gets really old but they are helpless and unsure about what to say too. And so they say what is safe for them to be comfortable and hopefully will make you feel ok too. Although I know it doesn't. I can't tell you how to control the ups and downs only tell you that it is normal and that this is the place to express what you can't say to "Everyone else" who doesn't know.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and lots and lots of cyber
Unread 03-07-2005, 11:51 AM
Fighting w/ Husband

I know exactly how you are feeling!!! I think I might scream if another person tells me to treat my recovery like I am on vacation (I don't know where these people vacation but when I come back from vacation I am tanned and happy not in pain from having my insides taking out). I know I will be fine but I would like to express how scares I am. If you need to talk you can count on me. I am begining to think this site has the only people who can possible understand how I feel.
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Unread 03-07-2005, 12:14 PM
Fighting w/ Husband

"I know exactly how you are feeling!!! I think I might scream if another person tells me to treat my recovery like I am on vacation (I don't know where these people vacation but when I come back from vacation I am tanned and happy not in pain from having my insides taking out)."

Exactly... People seem to think the time off is going to be a vacation and that you are going to be perfect and up to speed when you return to work.

I have been warning my boss and co-workers (and clients) that I will only be back part-tiem at first and it will take some time to get back into the swing of things. - Hopefully I will be better than that, but as they say everything is "expectations management".

Remind me not to use their travel agents either!
Unread 03-07-2005, 12:22 PM
Fighting w/ Husband

Trust your DH, he's worried and if he's like mine, he's making himself crazy because he can't do anything for you (the surgery part) and it's out of his control and he hates that he has to put you life in strangers' hands.
Unread 03-07-2005, 12:28 PM
Fighting w/ Husband

I sure can relate to this post!!! My hubby tends not to say anything at all. I finally sent him a letter telling him how scared I am and that I'm worried about not recovering as fast as he thinks I should. That seemed to help alot. He sent me back a nice card (via email) and has been alot more supported since then. I know he's worried too, but this is about me and I need his support now, thankgoodness he is doing soooo much better!!!

Well off to the Dr's office for my repeat pap and to ask the usual 100 questions.

Take care and hang in there,
Unread 03-07-2005, 12:44 PM
Fighting w/ Husband

Dear JD, I know exactly how you feel. You know you have to be positive and you know there's no point worrying, but that does not mean you can stop worrying!!!!!
I am more bothered about being looked after at home, than the surgery it self. But if I try and explain this to DH then he gets all defensive and hurt. His idea of looking after me is to leave me in peace, or pop his head to see if i need anything but be half way down stairs before i answer.
I still have to be in charge too, dishing out tasks and instructions. How would clothes get washed if I die, I do wonder. Does it really matter in the scheme of things if my family leave the towels in a wet heap on bathroom floor, Yeap if thats the last towel because nobody did the washing while i visited the castle. But if you complain then everyone thinks you're a ranting weirdo and sulkly keeps away, I rather have the wet towel :-(
Try keep calm and remember we will get to the end of our journey, and that it is a better place
Love littlepanda x
Unread 03-07-2005, 01:47 PM
Fighting w/ Husband

You are not alone at all. But take it from a 4 week post-op princess, the waiting is the hardest part. I love it when people compare a hyst to a vacation. I found out in Sept. that I need a TAH, but waited until Feb. to have it so that it would be easier on my family because of various scheduling conflicts. Meanwhile I am walking around in total pain, and living on advil for 6+ months. My sister wanted to know why I was doing it in Feb? Why not wait until the weather is warm so that my "vacation" could be spent outdoors? Now don't get me wrong --- I think it would be lovely to recover in warm fresh air. But she implied that I would be out taking long refreshing walks every day from the minute I got out of the hospital. When I told her that I preferred to recover during the cold winter months, when no one else was doing anything (I didn't want to feel like I was missing anything and wanted to be fully recovered when the weather got nice) she acted like I was nuts. Told me I should be taking full advantage of "this time off from work and life" --- like it was an all expenses paid trip to some tropical island. What can you do? I think that women who have never had a hyst can't relate at all, and men, bless their hearts, can't stand it when they can't control a situation. Honestly -- the waiting is the hardest part -- I promise!
Unread 03-07-2005, 03:22 PM
Fighting w/ Husband

I just love it when you get told..."I don't know what you're worried about, you'll be up and running in a week." HELLO!!! Do these people actually think this or are they just plain crazy? My Mom said" I was driving after only a week of being out of the act as though no other woman has had this done and you're gonna be down for months."
I AM NOT pushing myself for NO ONE!!! I will let my body tell me when I've rested anough.
Unread 03-07-2005, 04:28 PM
i am so glad we're not alone

Every time i get on this site, i go "Yeah, ME TOO!" I have always been very independent and my husband is very self-centered, and at first he had the 'I wish i could have something to keep me in bed for a couple of days' attitude. Then my wonderful DR laid it out for him, and told me to remeber to ask for specific things that make me feel better (Even if it changes every five minutes) because maybe he likes ice cream when he is sick, so he'll bring you tons of ice cream not knowing that it's just too cold for your sensative body right now. And i got to tell you it really helped us out.

It's good to know people mean well even if what is coming out of their mouth is the best. A very close girlfriend of mine said, " I don't know what to say here, but whatever it is - I really mean it." And our moto now is GO TEAM! Because through all of this, I have been astounded at the good people coming together to make this thing happen the best way possible.
Hystersisters may not be the team i chose to be on, but the team mates are fabulous!!!


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