Only Child

Hi ladies,
I'm kind of at a loss here. I have a wonderful little boy. He's 5 going on 25! Just ask him - he'll tell you!!! I admit we were blessed and lucky to have him. We were beginning to think that we wouldn't be able to get pregnant...we had tried for 18 months before I finally did conceive. After I was cleared to start trying after he was born we immediately started again. Something told us that if we didn't - we may not get another chance. (Shortly after that the surgeries started........and the rest is history.) So now here we are 5 years later with an only child, who happens to be the only grandchild on both sides, too. (Talk about spoiled rotten!!!) The only thing this child WANTS in the entire world is the one thing that I can not give him. And it has gotten to the point that he brings it up all the time. He wants a brother or a sister. He has heard us talking about adoption, so now he thinks that if he saves his money, he can "buy" a brother or sister. I've tried to tell him that it's a little more complicated then that. He asks me when I'm going to have another baby. I've told him many times that I can't have any more. He seems to understand when I tell him. And he's always very sweet about it - but it's breaking my heart. We do all kinds of things with him - but he wants a companion his own age. I know he does...but there really isn't anyone around us. No neighbors, cousins, etc. You guys have any suggestions? What should I do?

Thanks!

Cortney

I could have wrote this thread myself, so I know exactly how you feel. My 4 yr old dd wants a sibling so badly. She actually told her nursery school teachers that I am growing a baby sister in my tummy right now. She has cried and told me that I am mean and that everyone else gets to have one. We try to do lots of fun things with her but she still seems lonely. I found that school helps alittle giving her the social interaction she needs. I plan after my surgery to sign her up for classes a couple days a week like ballet, gymboree, and maybe and art class. I cannot give her the sibling she wants so badly and I find myself feeling very guilty (even though I know it's not my fault). So I hoping that maybe at least giving her some class time with kids her age will help fill the void. Good luck to you and I understand how you feel.
Michelle

Hugs to both of you. I happen to have been blessed with one son and one daughter and I stopped at 25 yrs. I haven't been down the road you have, but I know that there are plenty of resources with other sisters here who will help you get the advice you need. It must be frustrating, much hugs and prayers.

My son is also an only child and only grandchild. And yes, one year, he asked Santa for a brother (and a dad - he got a hampster instead )

As he got older, when he would see all the other friends with siblings who fought and had to share, he realized he had it much better than most. Pets make great substitutes. We started with fish, then the hampster, then the cat, then the dog . . . of course, I take care of the zoo - but he still calls them "his". And he was in daycare from six weeks on, so he always had interaction with other kids. I think by the end of each day, he was happy to come home to where HE was king! (He's 15 now and the GREATEST - I know, I know - aren't they all!!!)

lol - we have 2 aquariums full of fish - 2 lovebirds - 2 cockatiels - 2 dogs - a stray cat that showed up at my house that happens to be very pregnant (of course!!! ) And now we are looking at the possibility of moving to a "mini farm" so we can expand our zoo to include goats/cows/and possibly a horse. God help me!

Hi Cortney:

I have a dd who is 16 years old. She is our only child and is a miracle child. I had 5 miscarriages before I had her.

She never complained about not having any other brothers or sisters until the past two years. She does know she has an older sister up in heaven, she would have turned 25 this year.

We try not to spoil her. We give her much love. She does have alot of friends and is a very outgoing and friendly girl. She also has quite a lot of cousins in family. She also has a pet "betta" fish which she takes care of.

I thank God to be blessed with my dd.

I love being a Mom.



Diane

Courtney,

I had the same conversations with DD when she was about that age as well. I know it must be hard for you. I was unmarried at the time and she told me to get married and have another baby..yeah right..LOL I told her that the reason I only have her is that right then I only had enough love for her and that if God wanted me to have more, he would give me the love for another, but right now, He only wanted me to have her. I also found putting her in dance and other classes helped. She is the only grandchild AND great-grandchild and with my grandmother being very active still, she is very spoiled..LOL Matter of fact she is going over there one day this week during spring break and spend the night and they are going shopping, etc.
I wish I had an easy answer for you. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this situation. Is adoption an even remote possibility for you at this point?

I too have a 6 yr old DS who is an only, and only grandchild. Our old neighborhood had no other children so I enrolled him in the YMCA programs...swimming and playgroups. When we moved to our new neighborhood their was only 1 little girl, but then more families with kids moved in. My DS was able to play in the neighborhood, but most of the other families has multiple kids. He noticed how quiet his house was, and decided he didn't want anyone to fight or share with. The one constant problem is that he always seeks out others to play with. I had a brother, 1 year older than I and remember how we played and fought together. My DH didn't want to adopt and he was an only. Me, I was happy with my little miracle! My son is now in Kindergarten and is meeting new friends. I just try to keep him busy and involved. He is learning to play better by himself. I am thinking it is time for a puppy! That would be a good companion for him. Sometimes I think my son would like a sibling, but then he just goes next door where there 4 boys! He likes to come home to his quiet house. We do have 2 Siamese cats that he has bonded with. He loves those cats. Best wishes to you, this is one of those soul searching crossroads. Do you want another child?

There have been times in the last few years where I would have readily sacrificed my arm at the chance of having another one. My heart aches because I can not give him a sibling. But I think that I have resigned myself to the fact that it is not going to happen. It has just become my reality. So while I might technically WANT one, I believe our family will continue without another child. My DH and I have talked about adopting, but that is always touchy. He has serious reservations about it. So, ultimately, I don't believe it will ever happen.

I know that there are upsides to having an only child. We can do a lot more for him....He has already traveled and seen some amazing places at 5!

He starts school this fall. Hopefully, like you have all said, he will like being able to come home to "His" stuff at the end of the day.

Oh, and since I started this thread, we were at home one evening and a little boy and girl came to our house and wanted to play with DS - they were spending Spring break with my neighbor (their grandparents). So he was thrilled with that. He loved having playmates! I was happy for him.

Thanks, again!
Cortney

hello ladies, Just thought that I would pop in and share a bit of my childhood with yall. I too was an only child. My mom had a bad thyroid that caused her to loose 4 babies before me. I have one sister in heaven named Mary Lou she would be 33 as of Feb 9. I am living proof that it can be done. I have been told several times how lucky I am.
I was born two months early and only wieghed 4 lbs and was 16 inches long. They wouldn't let my parents name me until they knew I would live. when they told them that my lungs were fine mom said that she knew I would be ok. I think that the way I started life and how I was an only child growing up, mixed with my hyst and evertything that I have over came just makes me stronger. Sounds dumb, but it did.
I have dealt with lots in my life, the reason that I had kids is because I knew what that was like growing up alone. My dad had this rule that on sundays it is for family. Then he would take a nap all day. 5 year old me was bored. Mom and I got very close on those days. We would walk or bike ride anything to get out of the house and let my dad nap. Dad had anger issues when I was growing up. He does better now as gampa.
I look back and see that I got preggo with Hunter maybe a little early. Aaron and I found out I was prego about 3 weeks after we were married. But I also think that if I didn't have them when Idid, cuz of the cancer and hyst I wouldn't have them at all. That kills me to think that.
Little kids are too little to understand lifes mysteries. But when they get older, I promise that they will see what you all went through to get them here and they will cherish it even more. That is how I feel towards my mom. I know what she has been through with her miscarriages and leaving the hospital empty handed. I have seen the tears rolling down her face more than one time in my life.
The hardest thing I ever had to do was tell my mom that I was loosing the little baby that I lost between my girls.I was only about 12 weeks along. I didn't want my mom to have to re live what she went through.
Looking at her as a grandma is the best gift I could have ever given her. I feel that it makes up just a little for the hell that she went through trying to get me here.
I hope that this helps you all. Love Penguin 2005